Anyone but you
by Hinata1313
Summary: The older they got the more annoying she found him, nonetheless he's part of her live. How can you like someone that much and wish to strangle him the same time?   Kakashi sometimes truly can be a pain in the..., but Sakura is putting up with that, him.
1. Chapter 1

Oh well, finally another story. And again, wonder of wonders, KakaSaku. I never thought that I actually could get addicted to this pairing. I wanted to work on another story first, but somehow my mind is blank in this direction. And since this story kept popping up in my mind even during work I'll give in and write it.

Now enough babble from my side…  
>Like it's custom… the disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO! And I do not make any money with this. I just do this because my inner self pokes me with this and I admire Kishimoto-sensei for his great work.<br>Now please enjoy and leave me some reviews.

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><p>It was summer and Sakura enjoyed the first day of her one-week holiday while Ino nursed the worst hangover she had had during the last years. Sakura inwardly laughed and couldn't keep a smile from her lips while Ino groaned and winced.<p>

"I told you it's not very wise to go sunbathing with this much alcohol still remaining in your system, Pig," she said and her friend snorted.

"_**If**_ you would have a heart, Forehead, then you would relieve me of my pain," the blonde replied dryly.

"I have a heart, that's why I _**let** _you suffer," Sakura said and snickered while Ino snorted again.

"Strange way to show it," she mumbled and now Sakura laughed out loud.

"Ino, I just want you to learn to respect the limits of your body. You can't poison yourself on each party just like that. You know Kiba's birthday was just the start."

"I know," Ino whined. "But have mercy on me, pretty please."

Sighing Sakura sat up and started to drain the last remains of alcohol out of her friend's body and then numbed her headache.

"Thank you, Forehead," the blonde smiled and stretched out in the sun.

"That was completely egoistic; I can't relax when you're sounding like you're going to die."

Ino mumbled something under her breath, but Sakura didn't care. At least it wasn't her who had been sick as a dog yesterday. To her it seemed like her blond friend tried to drown herself, according to the masses she had downed. Whether it was because she was too shy to walk straight up to Shikamaru and talk to him, or if it was because Temari had been there as well she didn't know. And she didn't want to ask either, that would cause her at least three days ranting about the Kunoichi from Suna. Sakura wouldn't tell Ino that later that day she was meeting with said Kunoichi. Right now the only thing she wanted was soaking up the sun and relax.  
>Though it was rather funny that her usual loudmouthed and straightforward friend had a problem with talking to her team member when it came to private the 'girls' had deciced to not confront Ino with it. At least she had stopped hitting on every male around her age. Since six years Sakura and Ino were back to their earlier friendship, sticking together like nothing had ever happened between them. Tenten and Hinata were part of their newly formed circle as well.<br>A few hours later Sakura sat up and got dressed. Ino lifted her sunglasses and looked at her.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving. I still have some things to do and want to read some books in peace."

"Are you joining Kotetsu's party tonight?" Ino asked and Sakura looked at her with a raised brow.

"I don't think so. I need some alone-time. It had been rather busy at the hospital, _**that** _had been party enough."

"You're no fun, Sakura," Ino mumbled. "But it's you who's going to miss a lot of fun."

"Yeah, sure it's fun to see you getting rat-arsed and then - after one hour hanging around with a green tint to your skin - holding your hair up while you're sick as a dog behind the next bush. That's what I call a great day," Sakura stated sarcastically and Ino pulled a face.

"I know that you're a good friend. Enjoy your evening at home."

"Sure I will. Don't overdo it."

Sakura stopped at home to drop her bag and then she headed for the Dango restaurant where she was supposed to meet Temari. The blond Kunoichi was already waiting for her.

"Gomen, Temari-san, I didn't mean to let you wait," Sakura said and smiled apologetically.

"Never mind. Putting Ino back together again surely had taken a while," Temari replied and both laughed. "Had been tough from you to hold her hair."

Sakura winced and pulled a face, while Temari snickered and they went in.

"So, she feels ok now, right?" the Suna Nin asked and Sakura nodded.

"Yeah. At least for now. This evening there's the next party, probably she'll get drunk again."

"Not because of me since I'll leave later," Temari winked with a grin and Sakura snickered.

"She'll never believe me that it was so damn obvious. But that's Ino."

They chatted for quite a while, about Naruto, Gaara, Kankuro and Kakashi. Temari still thought – all the praises aside – that he was weird.

"It's sad that you already have to leave again. I would've loved to spend more time with you," Sakura said as Temari was about to leave.

"Yes, sad but I can't stay longer. We have some changes going on and Gaara wants me to assist him. I hope we'll see you in Suna soon, Gaara had asked Tsunade if she could go without you for a while. We could need your tutorial with poisons and antidotes, if you'd like to."

"Sure. If she allows me to leave I'd love to."

"Oh, before I forget it!" Temari stopped and rummaged in her backpack. A triumphant smile made its way on her lips as she found what she was looking for.

"Here, Kankuro gave me that for you. It's been eight years now, since you've saved his life. He felt stupid for not being able to give you something in exchange. This is a chakra-storing crystal, as a buffer." Sakura's eyes grew wide as she took the necklace. "Took him long to find one this size."

"Oh... that's... I don't know what to say. Thank you so much!"

Temari smiled.

"You know, we all doubted that there could be something like friendship between our nations, between us. But you saved us all, Naruto saved Gaara and you saved Kankuro. So I owe you," she said and Sakura hugged her tight.

"No, you don't. Working together with us and with the same ideals is the best that could've happened. Besides, it's a point of honor to help where I can."

"So I don't say goodbye as a Kunoichi of Suna, I say so long as a friend." Temari said and Sakura nodded with a smile.

"Yes. As a dear friend. I'll talk to Shisho because of the training. Tell Gaara and Kankuro my regards and please thank them for hosting Naruto at his last mission."

"Mah, never mind. Well then, I need to go. Hopefully we'll see each other soon."

They disbanded and parted ways.

As Sakura reached her home she grabbed one of her favorite books and went on her small balcony. She sat down in an old comfy rattan chair and put her feet on the parapet. She looked at the ice-clear crystal on the thin silver chain. It looked so beautiful and had nearly no weight. A while she simply looked at it, and then she decided to try how to store chakra in it. But that wasn't a problem at all; it went surprisingly easy like breathing it in and out.

"Oh man... it must've cost a little fortune," she mumbled and put the necklace on. It felt cool on her skin, but in a pleasant way.  
>So she sat there reading for quite a while. It was about to get dark as she felt a familiar presence appearing. A smug smile on her lips she held her eyes glued to the book she was reading. He sat on the parapet behind her but didn't say anything.<p>

"How long do you plan on sitting there without a single word?" she asked without turning her head.

"I don't want to interrupt you," he stated and Sakura snorted pretty unladylike.

"Then you shouldn't have come. What do you want?" she asked and finally put the book away and turned to look at him.

"You know, sometimes I wonder myself what had happened to the little girl I used to train and who used care," he mumbled and she rolled her eyes.

"That girl grew up and finally got to use her brains right. Once again, Kakashi, what do you want?"

"Fix me," he plainly stated and she frowned at him. "Please?"

"Try it again, Silverhead. Shisho already warned me that you'd show up," she stood up and was about to enter her living room as he blocked the door.

"Don't make me beg," he said and she glared at him.

"I won't fix you. Not this time," she bit out and tried to shove him away. How he managed to stay that persistent was a miracle to her. His left side was badly injured and only roughly bandaged.

"Sakura..." he started, his voice a mix out of anger and a hint helplessness.

"No Kakashi! Not this time. You once told us, you'd never let one of your friends die! So do I! You _**need** _the time to recover, to _**fully** _recover. Tsunade said the same. No way am I going to break the promise I've given her and taint my conscience just to please you."

He sighed and rolled his eye.

"Are you finished?" he asked bored and she snarled. Harshly she shoved him aside and entered her apartment.

"Haven't I taught you to disobey orders when it comes to save your comrades?" he asked in an attempt to try another course and followed her in. Sakura stopped dead in motion and then slowly turned round to look at him.

"Healing you now would just help you to go out on the next mission and get yourself killed. And you know that! When did it happen that you disbanded from us? When did someone whack your head so hard that you seem to have forgotten everything we've ever talked about?" she asked, anger boiling inside her and he held up his hands in defeat. He knew better than fuel that fire.

"Would you at least treat the wounds properly?" he asked and she sighed.

"Ok, undress and then sit down. I'll do what I can," she said and he snickered.

"I haven't known you're so fast when it comes to things like _**that**_," he mumbled teasingly, but even though she was on her way to the bathroom she heard it.

"Ever spent half a gallon blood through your nose?" she asked and he froze.

"Mah... never. And I'd rather not try," he answered and she nodded while she undid the old bandages.

"That's very wise of you," she said and frowned as she saw his wounds.

Maybe Mitate had tried to treat them but knowing Kakashi he didn't come far. It must have been a hard mission, seeing him wounded like that, knowing that he must have used his Sharingan. Fighting off the last remains of what Madara and Kabuto had stirred up was hard work, but she'd never expected it to be this hard. Silently she cleaned the cuts and bandaged all properly.  
>Last time Naruto had dragged him home with a pierced lung and he had nearly died while she had healed him. Sakura had horrible nightmares for weeks after that. Even though she and Tsunade had worked on him it had taken three weeks for Kakashi to get fully out of the woods.<br>She worked slowly and carefully, but completely without chakra. It was hard for her since a part of her yearned to relieve him of the pain he must feel but she fought that part and won. She hoped that the slow and natural healing process would be enough for him to fully recover all his reserves, since that had been the intention behind Tsunade's healing-embargo.

He watched her closely and thought about whether he should start a bit whining or not, but knowing Sakura and reading her emotions right now he knew it wouldn't do any good. He had hoped that her warm emotional side would kick in a soon as she saw his wounds and that she would heal him despite Tsunade had forbidden it, but seeing that she nearly had treated all his wounds without chakra showed him that her loyalty towards the Godaime was stronger. He had hoped to escape his boring life and home soon, but now that would take a few weeks. Sakura's face seemed so indifferent to him, he hardly could read her mind, the open book she once was to him had closed. Sometimes he had been able to catch a few glimpses on some pages, but these times were rare. Since she and Ino had united again and formed a friendship that was even thicker than the one they had during their childhood, she seemed to distance herself from him with every day that passed. He wouldn't admit it, but somehow he felt left out.

Naruto had grown very independent after the training with Jiraiya, though he still had relied on him. But after the training he had had with B he had matured even more. Sometimes he still seemed to be the foolish little kid he had been, but mostly he acted like the adult he was. Tsunade had taken him as an apprentice for all the stuff he needed to know as Hokage and that did lots to him. He still was loud and laughed a lot, but sometimes he just sat there, watched all the people around him and was lost in thoughts. It were moments like these when he remembered Kakashi a lot of his father; Minato had been the same.

That still had left Sakura. She had asked him for advice and given him the feeling to be needed. But since she had her girls around herself, and quite a few guys turning their heads whenever she walked by, she didn't need him anymore. She was head at the hospital and did a decent job, he knew she liked it and he was undeniably proud of her, but somehow it hurt him a bit as well.  
>As she was finished and collected all the bloody swabs around the couch he caught glimpse of the crystal that was resting between her collarbones. He knew a chakra-storing crystal when he saw one, and even if he knew that Sakura earned good money at the hospital he knew that it was out of her price range to buy one. They were rare and mostly heirlooms, but he hadn't heard that someone in her family had died.<p>

"Nice gem," Kakashi commented casually and she smiled while touching it.

"Yes, it is. I was pretty flattered as I got it. I know that those are rare," Sakura said and threw away the swabs and empty packages.

He stood up and limped after her.

"You must mean a lot to the person who gave that to you," he stated and she snickered.

"It's a present from Kankuro. Temari gave it to me before she left today. I have to admit I don't know what to tell him, when I hopefully will be visiting them in a few weeks," Sakura replied with a smile while he stood there dumbfounded.

Kankuro gave Sakura such an expensive gift? And she'll be leaving for Suna in a few weeks? What the hell was going on? Suddenly he felt very nauseous.

"Thank you for helping me," he said and headed for the door.

"Kakashi? What's up? Are you feeling sick?" she asked worried and followed him.

"Mah, it's nothing. Maybe some aftershocks from the injuries. I need to lie down, everything will be fine then," he muttered dismissively and she looked at him, clearly not believing anything he had said.

"If you say so," Sakura finally murmured and shrugged, while he gave her a curt nod and then left.  
>She still mused about what had gotten to him until she went to bed. He always acted strange, but that had been out of the usual even for his standards.<p>

Kakashi felt miserable. His wounds hurt, some were simply throbbing others were outright burning, but he refused to take painkillers. What the heck was going on with him? Was he honestly such a poor old geezer? Normally he'd visit his favorite bar, meet Genma or Gai, have some drinks and talk a bit. Ok, he'd rather meet Genma, Gai was a bit touchy at the moment, since the bloom of his youth was over. How pathetic, he just had turned 36 this year, and Kakashi had that age coming towards him pretty fast now too. Was he really that dependent from his ex students? He heaved a frustrated sigh and threw his favorite Icha-Icha against the nearby wall. Many things changed when getting older, and to him it seemed that he needed to feel needed. Since both of his remaining students were outstanding and acknowledged persons within the village he felt alone. Sure, Naruto invited him and Iruka two times a week to Ichiraku, but that just wasn't the same.

_'Maybe I should get a live,'_ he thought and sat down on the couch. Now he felt pathetic. That wasn't him... that simply wasn't him. Somehow the thought of Sakura going to Suna enraged him. But why? She was a top-notch medic, and she had been able to double the medics in the field with some easier medical jutsu. All in all he could be proud, Tsunade showed how proud she was openly. And since Konoha and Suna worked tightly together when it came to the stuff taught at the academy it was just a matter of time until they would work together in other areas as well.

Sakura's night was short since old nightmares came back, so she gave it up and went back out on her balcony, with a steaming pot tea. She sat down in her chair again, feet on the parapet as always, and watched the sunrise. The last weeks Kakashi acted strange, she missed the way he had been before she became Jonin. They never really understood how his mind was working, and the only one who had known him good enough had died on the battlefield ages ago and literally taken his knowledge with him to the next live.

Little Asuma was in the Academy already, and he did quite well. Ino wasn't sure if it's Konohamaru's influence or Shikamaru's, but both of them took good care of him and his mother. Still wondering why her former sensei acted so strange she drank her tea. Down on the street Izumo came running towards her house.

"Yo Izumo! What's up?" she called down and he looked up, mixed feelings on his face.

"Sakura-san! It's Iruka! They need your help!"

She jumped out of the chair, let her mug fall down and leaped over the parapet down on the street. He didn't need to say more, she knew the academy teacher had been sent on a mission, and she had a bad feeling from the very beginning.

"Some poison, Mitate is fighting since hours but can't remove it. First only his nose was running, then he couldn't see properly, now he has trouble with breathing. They're afraid to lose him, I'm sorry to interrupt your holidays," he said and she waved it away.

"For such cases I don't care where you interrupt me," she replied and swished past the nurse at the entrance of the hospital, straight up to the ER.

All of those she passed turned their head and looked at her, since she only wore short pants and a pink tank top. But as she had her white lab coat on and her hair up she looked like usual. She hurried into the room and snatched the report from the nurse next to Mitate and quickly read it through.

"Get me some atropine," Sakura ordered and Mitate looked at her.

"You want to poison him even further?" he asked unbelievingly.

"Have I asked you to doubt my decision? Get me some atropine right now or you're fired!" she barked at the nurse who turned round immediately and dashed away.

"Sakura, I don't think that's pretty wise," Mitate continued.

"You haven't read the blood status, have you? That's sarin, if you want to save him and relieve him of his pain you need to give him atropine."

The Chunin was sweating and cramping, as she could see he already had vomited. Man, she was nearly too late!

"Hold on sensei, don't you dare dying on me!" she said and took the injection from the nurse, and injected the poison straight into his neck.

Slowly the cramps faded and she relaxed a bit.

"Give him oxime, and keep the level high. I want a blood status all two hours. One right now," she ordered and then turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" Mitate asked.

"Telling Shisho what had happened to him. You stay and watch him; I'll displace you as soon as I'm back."

Half an hour later she came back and sent Mitate out of the room. She was just checking the infusion as he opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Sakura..." he whispered and she shushed him.

"No speaking sensei. You need to rest," Sakura said and laid a hand on his forehead. "Gladly Izumo called me in on time. You were badly poisoned. Tsunade will send an ANBU squad to take care of those who did that to you."

"What... was it..." he asked barely audible.

"Sarin. You'll have a few weeks of recovering in front of you. I can't push that with chakra right now. You'll have to take oxime for at least six weeks. Then I'll remove the last remains, earlier I could do too much damage to your system."

"But... academy..."

"Your class will be taken care of. No need to worry. Just rest and recover, ok?" she said and smiled warmly at him. He closed his eyes and made one short nod.

"Just make sure you don't die," she whispered and then left again, ordering a nurse to keep a close eye on his ECG. She planned on dropping by all two hours, and just as she left she bumped into Naruto.

"Sakura-chan! Where's Iruka-sensei?" he asked and fought hard not to shake her.

"Naruto calm down please!" she said and resisted the urge to slap him.

"Calm down? Calm down?" he asked and was nearly trembling with worries.

"Yes. Calm down. He talked to me, he's stabile. Please, Naruto, he needs every bit of his strength to recover. I know you want to see him, but I only can allow you to see him through the door. Tomorrow you can visit him with me, ok?"

"Ok," he sighed. "But I need to see him now." He insisted and she turned round with him and went back in.

In front of the door they stopped, and Naruto looked through the bull's-eye window in the door. Iruka was pale, his skin had a greyish tint and his hair hung sweaty in his face and around his head. Naruto was sick with worry and clenched his fists because he couldn't do anything to help him. Sakura placed a hand on his shoulder.

"He'll survive. I promise you I will not let him die," she said and he turned his head a bit to smile at her.

"Thank you, Sakura-chan."

"Come, let's have some breakfast together. You need to stay strong, he'll need help for quite a while," she ignored his thanks, since both have adopted the Chunin into their little 'family'.

As they reached her apartment Naruto stepped out on her balcony and saw the scattered pieces of her mug.

"You literally jumped to work, didn't you?" he asked while he collected them to throw them away.

"As Izumo told me that Mitate fought for Iruka's life I simply jumped," she replied and set up some water to boil.

"Man, what a shock... Izumo told me too, he also told me that you were there to help, but nonetheless I couldn't stay home. Hina froze in the corridor as I brushed past her, but I had no time to explain. I have to make up to her later," he said and put some toast in the toaster.

"She'll understand. She knows how important he is to you."

The blonde man nodded and helped her to set the table.

"Speaking of important persons..." Sakura said with a sigh and leant against the counter while looking a bit torn at him. "Could you pay Kakashi a visit?" she asked and he looked at her, surprised.

"What? Why?" he asked confused.

"He had been here yesterday."

"Oh no, Sakura-chan! I hope you haven't..."

"No, I haven't. It was hard, though, but I haven't. But he's behaving strange the last weeks and I somehow have the feeling that I've lost the connection we had."

"Ok. Right after breakfast I'll look after him. But you keep me in the loop with Iruka-sensei's status."

"Definitely," Sakura said and smiled gratefully at him.

They had breakfast together and then they left, Sakura for the hospital and Naruto for Kakashi.

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><p><strong>AN:**

Ok, some of this chapter really had been a pain to read, I humbly apologize. I read more English books during the last months and switched all my games to English, so I hope the language is improving. Still I have no luck with beta's, seems I'm cursed… either they don't write back or are simply too busy. Guess that's life, huh?


	2. Chapter 2

And the next chapter. Enjoy ^^

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><p>"What? With all due respect, Tsunade-shisho, but you cannot be serious!" Sakura burst out but Tsunade kept her peaceful expression.<p>

"You know that we need a substitute for Iruka, you've treated him yourself."

"Sure I know that, but I never meant to take _**me**_!" the pink haired medic nearly shrieked.

"You already are teaching medics at the hospital, you should be able to manage a class for a while. Besides, you're not alone. I'll send someone to assist you who has experience with teaching."

"Thank you very much. I don't know if I should be glad because of that or not," she mumbled and Tsunade laughed and leant back in her chair.

"Don't fret, Sakura. I'm sure you can do it. And remember: it's just for six weeks. Iruka should be back to old forces until then, and then you can go to Suna for eight weeks. Is that nothing?"

"You mean it? With Suna?"

"Of course. I think we can go without you for eight weeks. I'll fill in at the hospital for you and Naruto will fill in for me here," the blonde said and finally Sakura sighed in defeat.

"Ok, fine. I'll do it."

"Excellent. Classroom B04."

Sakura went home and let herself fall down on the couch. Great, just great! Teaching at the academy… An eight hour horror each day, with eighteen wannabes, five days a week for six weeks! She'll be a wreck afterwards, she just knew it. Groaning she rubbed her forehead and didn't want to get up as it knocked at her door.

"Sakura-chan? Are you there?" Naruto called and reluctant she got up to let him in. To her surprise he wasn't alone.

"Iruka-sensei! You should be resting! Naruto, how dare you to drag him here!" she scolded and the blonde man rubbed the back of his head while smiling sheepishly.

"Don't be mad at him, Sakura. I wanted to come here; he just did what I asked him to do," the Chunin excused and she sighed heavily.

"How comes that none of you guys does what I order you to do?" she said and let them enter. She insisted on Iruka lying down on the couch while Naruto sat down next to said piece of furniture.  
>"Why did you want to come here? You could've sent Naruto to fetch me."<p>

"I know. And I'm sure he would've fetched you, but I needed to see something else than only my apartment," Iruka smiled apologetically. "I'm here because I've heard that you're teaching my class for the time I'm banned," he said and she nodded.

"Yes. I still don't think that it's a good decision but Shisho rarely changes her mind."

"Don't worry about that, they're pretty normal," he said and Sakura let out a dry laugh.

"Compared to Naruto and Konohamaru or what do you mean?"

"Compared to Kiba and Naruto," he said with a smile. "Just don't let them jump on your nerves. Thump the table at the start and you won't have any problems with them."

"You say that so easily," she sighed. "Konohamaru, Udon and Moegi had been enough for me. But I'll give it a try, at least I'm not alone."

"Not?" both men asked confused.

"Yeah, Tsunade said that I'll have some help. 'Someone who has experience with teaching'," she quoted her mentor and rolled her eyes.

"I have no idea who that could be," Iruka murmured and hid a small smile.

"I don't care. She has allotted my trip to Suna, that's all I wanted. How are you feeling?" she asked and Naruto looked at him with a worried expression.

"Better. Sometimes my nerves still are burning, but after the Oxime it's better. Have you really injected Atropine?"

She nodded and Naruto looked at her confused. "Isn't that a poison too?"

"Yes. The nightshade's poison. But the dose decides whether it kills or helps."

"In my case it had helped. It felt like burning alive, I wished I could die… until you came. Honestly, Sakura, I have to admit that nothing I've ever heard before sounded so wonderful as your voice did that day. Shortly after the injection the burning faded."

The Kunoichi smiled at him, she had heard something like that before. Kakashi had said the same, several times during the last years.

"I'm glad to hear that I could help you so quickly."

The Chunin nodded and sighed.

"I always preach to be careful and at least double-check your surroundings, why did it happen? I don't get it."

"Don't be mad at yourself, Iruka-sensei. Sarin is colorless, scentless and it's evaporating at room temperature. It could've looked like a simple glass of Water. Even if it had been only a sake-cup filled with this stuff in one room, it would've been enough to kill everyone who enters the room within the next hours. Please, don't reproach yourself. The ANBU who dealt with the pack of… you know what I mean… took Oxime before they left. Nothing happened to them. But you can't take it before every mission," she explained and Naruto looked at her admiringly.

"You surely are a genius, Sakura-chan," he said admiringly and she snickered.

"I don't think so. Ino uses to call me wiseass, Shikamaru is a genius, don't get that mixed up."

"Yeah, genius to stay away from Ino," Naruto retorted and laughed. Sakura joined him and Iruka shook his head. He was proud that all of his former students still stuck together.

"That's not what I meant, Naruto," she said. "But speaking about 'genius', have you visited Kakashi the other day?"

Naruto sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I did."

"Didn't go well I take it?" Sakura asked and he nodded again.

"He behaves utterly weird. He was nice as I said I wanted to look if he's doing well, but reacted touchy as I mentioned your name. I dropped by three times up to now and brought him some ramen, means… I put the box down in front of his door. He wouldn't open. And since I'm taking care of Iruka-sensei and baa-chan is keeping me busy I rarely have time to look how he's doing. What about you?"

"I tried ten times. He never answered the door. I could feel that he's at home, but I guess he simply didn't want to see me," Sakura muttered and sighed.

"Maybe he was asleep?" Iruka suggested but both younger Shinobi shook their heads.

"Kakashi was awake; I could hear him walking around. Maybe he's still mad at me," she said and stood up to bring some tea.

"Why should he be?" Iruka asked as she came back with two mugs, one for him and one for Naruto.

"Baa-chan set up a healing-embargo against Kakashi," Naruto explained and Iruka looked at him confused.

"Why should she do something like that?"

"Because he acted completely suicide on his last missions. We healed him, he left again and returned home even more injured than before. She wants him to fully recover his reserves; that's why she made every medic swear to not heal him with chakra. In the hospital Mitate bandaged his wounds, but as soon as he had learned that he wouldn't be healed with Chakra he disappeared. He visited me at home and whined a bit, so I gave in and redid the bandages, with carefully cleaning his wounds. He seemed annoyed that even I refused to heal him completely. He had tried to convince me, trying the guilty conscience number. It was so hard to send him away; he truly must've been in pain." Sakura sighed and felt miserable, though it was already two weeks ago.

Iruka smiled at them both and took a slow sip of his tea.

"Maybe he has the same problem I always have," he said and put the mug away.

"Problem? You?" Naruto asked and Sakura looked at him confused.

"Yes. My biggest problem," Iruka said and chuckled lightly at the confused faces.

"And that would be?" Sakura asked curios.

"Letting go," he simply said and she nodded slowly.

"I don't get it," Naruto stated silently.

"Letting you go is my biggest problem. I taught you all, and I like you all… but then I have to let you go, out of the academy, out of the safety and onto the battlefield. I have seen all of you growing up, but for me it's hard to acknowledge that all of you became independent persons, who can take care of themselves and don't need me anymore. Maybe he suffers the same."

"I haven't looked at it from that point of view," Sakura murmured and Iruka nodded slowly.

"I still don't get the point. Where's the problem in all of us growing up?" Naruto asked.

"He maybe thinks we don't need him anymore. Maybe he even thinks we don't care for him anymore," Sakura said and Naruto laughed out loud.

"He can't be that stupid! He should know that he's part of the family," the blond man said.

"Have you told him during the last years?" Sakura asked and Naruto fell silent.

"See, that may be the problem. You're going to be the next Hokage and I'm already head at the hospital. Leaves him still as Jonin, soon to be working under you."

"Oh," Naruto just made and let his head hang down. "I never looked at it like that. I always thought that if we try hard and become someone he'd be proud."

"I bet he is," Iruka said softly. "I am proud of you, but he worked together with you for so many years, maybe he had missed out when you both grew up. You should talk to him about that."

"If we ever get a chance to do so," Sakura sighed and leant back in her chair.

They sat together and talked a bit more for quite a while, until Sakura ushered Iruka and Naruto out, since their former Sensei needed rest dearly. Sakura heaved a sigh and looked at the photograph of team Kakashi. The old picture of team seven she banned into her closet, where she didn't see it all the time. She simply couldn't stand seeing the Uchiha, since he effectively erased himself out of all their lives. Instead she had the picture of Naruto, Kakashi and herself. She looked at it and smiled, Naruto had his arm casually draped around her shoulder, while she leant lightly against him. Kakashi stood behind them, seeming as bored as ever. She could've sworn that he had his favorite orange book in his hands, but on the picture it was nowhere to be seen. His visible eye seemed to look down on their blonde friend; one of his hands was buried deep in his pocket, while the other lightly lay on her shoulder. She couldn't remember that. On this photo it seemed like he needed to make a connection to both of them and she felt a sting in her heart. She had been so absorbed in her work at the hospital that she didn't recognize that he was shoved farther away and into the background. Now she had her guilty conscience. Sakura turned round and left her apartment, heading for his.

As she reached his floor she knocked against the door and waited. Like the last times she knew that he was there, she could feel his presence, and just like the last time he didn't answer the door.

"Kakashi, I know you're there," she said and knocked again. "Please, I need to talk to you."

She waited, but there was no reaction from his side. She waited for nearly half an hour, her forehead and one palm resting against his door, but nothing happened.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. In any way," she mumbled and then left again, heading home. She didn't know that he sat with his back against the door, and she didn't know that he had heard her mumbling.

The last days he had felt like an ass, and not letting her in this time made the feeling even worse, but he simply couldn't bring himself to open the door. He had always pretended that after Asuma's death he never would let someone that close to himself again. Letting Sakura in would mean to admit that he had lied to himself. And that was simply impossible. He did feel alone the last days but he didn't feel in the mood to talk to anyone. The healing-embargo against him was punishment enough, but to see that Sakura stuck to it had hurt him deeply. And to demean him even more Tsunade had ordered him to assist the substitute for Iruka at the academy. She had promised him that if he didn't show up at the latest at nine in the morning she would send Ibiki to drag him there. Just great, forcing him to teach brats...

The next day Sakura got up and made herself ready for the day. After breakfast she went to the academy and shuddered as she heard the noise out of Iruka's classroom. Bracing herself inwardly she entered the room and shortly felt nostalgia, but then a shoe flew past her and into the corridor. She looked over her shoulder at the shoe, then back into the class. Most of the students were grinning, only one nearly seemed to cry. So she knew to whom that flying object belonged. Silently she walked up to the desk, leant against it and then let out a whistle so loud, that all the students quickly clapped their hands over their ears and fell silent.

"Now that we all have calmed down, sit down. The one who's missing his shoe shall fetch it now."

A skinny looking boy rushed out, took his belonging, and rushed back in.

"Haven't you forgotten something?" she asked and he looked at her. She only pointed at the door, which was still open. He blushed deeply and turned to close it, before he sat down again.

"Now, maybe you wonder why your Sensei isn't here, but maybe some of you had already heard that he's been poisoned on a mission. So I'm here as a substitute, for the next six weeks you'll have to deal with me."  
>She turned around and wrote her name on the blackboard.<p>

"Hiroto, you better sit down right now and put your slingshot away, otherwise you'll have to eat it," she said without turning round. Said boy paled and quickly did as she suggested. Inwardly she snickered and thanked Iruka for letting her in on his students.

"As you can read, I'm Haruno Sakura. Iruka-sensei had been my sensei at the academy as well. Today I'm head of Konoha's hospital. I'm Jonin, so better don't try anything funny. Iruka-sensei gave me advice what I should teach you, and he'll be testing it as soon as he's back."

Loud groaning filled the air and she grinned inwardly.

"Now let's start, there's a lot to do."

She started with the basic knowledge of Ninjutsu and was halfway through the explanations as it knocked at the door. It slid open and she saw Ibiki standing there.

"Good morning Haruno-san," he greeted and she blinked at him surprised.

"Good morning Morino-san. What are you doing here?" she asked and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm showing the way for your supporter," he said and stepped aside, so she could see Kakashi. She fought hard to keep her indifferent expression neatly in place. He leant on his crutches and seemed to look straight through her.

"Thank you, Morino-san. I think from this point on we'll be able to manage things alone," She said and the man nodded. He waited until Kakashi had limped into the room and had sat down on a chair. Ibiki shrugged and Sakura shortly mimicked his motion,

"It seems Tsunade wants you to have the best fill-in's available. I guess you all know Hatake Kakashi, our famous copy Nin," she said and he snorted.

"Do I have to thank you that I'm stuck here?" he whispered and she clenched a fist.

"No. I haven't known that she planned to send you here," she murmured back.

"Fine," he mumbled and took out his favorite Icha-Icha.

"You're not going to read that porn book in front of these students," she whispered and he looked at her with a raised brow.

"Try making me stop," he replied dryly. "You better focus on your task at hand."

She took a deep calming breath and then continued with the lesson, trying to ignore him as good as possible, even though he was making it quite hard for her. Sometimes he condescended to explain some basics as well, where he couldn't resist his inner urge to drop some little side blows. Sakura gritted her teeth and held her facade bravely until lunch break. As soon as the students had left the room she turned round and glared at him.

"Why the hell do you do that?" she asked him angrily.

"What?" he asked back, as innocent as possible.

"Dropping these nice little side blows of yours! And don't gimme that damn innocent look! You're behaving like an immature teenager and not like a grown up man! Where is your freaking problem?" she was boiling with anger, why did he act like an idiot?

"My problem?" he asked silently back.

"Did they demolish your ears as well or why do you repeat what I asked you?" Sakura snarled.

"Right now my problem is just two meters away from me!" he answered in the same tune and she gaped at him. "Leaving me suffering for so long, accepting the pain I had to endure without turning a hair, that's my fucking problem!" he nearly yelled back and she felt like he had kicked her in the gut. It took a while for his words to sink in, and then she snapped out of her daze.

"Without batting an eye? Are you serious?" she asked silently, fighting for her composure.

"I am dead serious," he bit out and Sakura closed her eyes, inwardly counting from twenty to zero. Maiming him right there was so _**not**_ an option.

"I never thought it could be possible that a man who's called a genius can be so blind, so stupid like you are," she growled and he stared icily at her.

"Watch your speech," he said but she waved it away.

"No, I won't! You want to be respected from me? Then you better show me some respect in turn too! Do you really think it was easy for me to not heal you completely? I don't know what sort of pain you had to endure, but I know it must've been a lot, still probably is. I wasn't allowed to heal you, Tsunade has a purpose behind that all!"

"Your loyalty to the Godaime is heartwarming, but I thought that I had some of it as well," he retorted and she let out a short angry shriek.

"You know what? Go and drown in your self-pity! As soon as you're clear in your head again and it's possible to talk to you rational again, you know where you can find me!" With that she turned on her heels and stomped out of the room, leaving him angry behind.

Still boiling with anger she went to one of the training grounds. Sakura decided it was better to crush a tree to dust before she made mincemeat out of her former Sensei. She didn't notice that Shikamaru was lying under a tree behind her, until she was finished with ranting and her hands were bleeding.

"Is it safe to talk to you?" he asked and she turned around, her head still red with anger.

"For you, yes," she differentiated and sat down, healing her hands.

"I haven't seen you that riled up in quite a while, what's wrong?" he asked and she heaved a sigh.

"Tsunade chose me to fill in for Iruka as a substitute, and she told me she'd send someone along with me to assist me, someone with experience when it comes to teaching. I thought it might be you, or Kotetsu, but no, who had been her chose? Kakashi! Just great!"

"Where's your problem? I thought you come along with him quite well?"

"Came would be the right term. You've heard about the healing-embargo? He's pissed off that I haven't ignored it and healed him nonetheless. Man, I fought hard not to do so. And now he's mad, and I have to endure him the next six weeks."

"Have you told him that?" he asked and she nodded.

"Of course I did. But he didn't listen. He's too much caught up in his self-pity. Man, Iruka-sensei nearly died due to sarin and he's pissed off because of his cuts. I bet Iruka's pain still is higher, but he's not showing it."

"A hurt pride is quite a thing to deal with," Shikamaru said and she sighed frustrated.

"Any hints for me, Shika-kun?" she asked and he sighed.

"I have no idea. Asuma used to say a bottle sake course many things, but I don't think that you're able to sit down and drink together," he smirked and she nodded.

"Yes. It's hard enough for me not to maim him; I don't think I can stand him in the evening."

Shikamaru snickered and then yawned. "You know, you still have a few hours to survive him."

"I know," Sakura groaned and then looked at her watch. "I got to go back."

"Yo Sakura-chan, simply try to not jump on every bit he says. Trust me; it's the same with Ino and me, simply the other way round," he winked at her and she flashed him a grin.

"I'll try my best," she said and headed back to the academy.

She managed it to return on time, ignoring the icy aura around her former sensei. But the students were unable to ignore him. They sat quiet as mice on their places and tried to follow Sakura's explanations.

"Would you please relax? You're scaring the kids. I'm your target, not them," she whispered and he eased up a bit, to what the students respired audibly. Nonetheless they didn't dare to groan as Sakura gave them homework. As soon as the bell rang they whizzed out of the room, leaving the two Jonin behind.

Sakura cleaned the blackboard and packed her papers. As she wanted to leave he grabbed her by the wrist.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier," Kakashi said and she freed her hand.

"Don't lie to me. You meant _**exactly**_ what you said."

"Sakura..." he started but she shook her head.

"Save your breath, senpai. You once told us that we should be honest to each other. Remember that for the future."

She was already at the door as she heard him standing up.

"Kohai, we're not finished," he said, his voice thick with authority. She stopped and turned round.

"You told me that sometimes it's ok to disobey the authority, see you tomorrow, Hatake-san."  
>She nearly ran out of the building to avoid talking to him. At home she dropped the papers and made herself some coffee. Then she went out on her balcony and gazed over the village. She noticed Ino the moment she spoke to her.<p>

"Uh, coffee... Are you sick, forehead?" she asked and Sakura turned her head to look at her.

"Inwardly, yes," she replied and her friend nodded.

"Shika told me what was up. Sometimes I think Tsunade has a sadistic streak," Ino said and nudged her friend with her shoulder.

"She most definitely has," Sakura mumbled and downed her coffee.

"Go tell her. Why should you go through that?"

"Because I want to go to Suna. If I play nice there's no reason to hold me back. At least she keeps her word," the pink haired woman said and entered her apartment, Ino right behind her.

"Was it that bad today?" she asked and Sakura looked at her, her expression torn.

"He never had shouted at me angrily before. Never. Today he did. And man, that hurts."

"He didn't understand why no one wanted to heal him, right?"

"I don't know Ino, I really don't know. He implied that I didn't bat an eye even though I knew he's suffering. That hurts the most, Ino; I saw the cuts and bruises. I know that it has to hurt with every move; it hurt my heart to let him go that way. But today he made me so angry, I had to fight not rip his head off."

"I always wondered why you got along with him. He's more than difficult," Ino said and popped a gummy bear into her mouth.

"Sometimes I think you're right," Sakura sighed and plopped down on the couch.

"Sakura you're shocking me. You're not even defending him?" she blinked and plopped down next to her friend.

"I try to remember when it happened that we veered away from each other, but I can't see it," Sakura sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"And what kills me even more is, that I have the feeling we never were in the same fairway to begin with."

"No one ever was," the blonde said and Sakura shot her a glare.

"Of course. But sadly those who truly understood him are dead."

"Come on Sakura, you're sounding like in your Genin-days, where you all tried to catch a glimpse behind his mask. You were unable to do that, so there's no way in hell you'll ever catch a glimpse behind his facade."

"You never know unless you try," Sakura said and rubbed her forehead.

"I thought you were shortly from killing him? It wouldn't be wise to try something like that now."  
>Even though she didn't like to admit it, Ino had a point.<p>

"Well, I guess I'll have to go through that hell. Maybe he'll calm down."

"Yeah, maybe," Ino mumbled. "But you should learn to pick your fights."


	3. Chapter 3

Oh my gosh… me and my lame excuses. *hides in shame*

After cleaning up the chapters so far – and developing it's annoying to get the text into breaks – I'll go and finish the story. I hate to leave something unfinished, so for all of you who are _**still**_ following me… thanks for keeping up with me this long! ^_^ Before Christmas the story will be at an end.

* * *

><p>As Sakura woke up the next day she felt sick, honest-to-god sick. She hadn't slept much that night; the nightmares had returned and haunted her sleep. Aggravated she slapped out her alarm clock and sat up. It took her a while to cast away the shadows of the memories she tried to forget. Groaning she stood up and went into the kitchen, setting a kettle on the stove. Like usual she used the time the water needed to boil to do her morning routines. She winced as she saw her reflection in the mirror, today she would have to take drastic measures: using make-up.<br>Sakura would never admit it under torture, but she was thankful for all the advice she'd gotten from Ino. Looking at least a bit like a sane living person Sakura returned into her kitchen, pouring the water in her mug.  
>While she ate her cereals she looked through today's topics. She already knew at which parts Kakashi would object. With her mug she went out on her balcony and watched her street waking up. Settling back in her usual routine she calmed down a bit.<br>Half an hour later she was on her way to the academy, wondering what nice statements she'd hear today. Kakashi had never been a problem for her, not with his whining at the hospital or his dry statements on missions, and after a while it didn't even bother her that he always came late when they were to leave on mission. But yesterday... she could slap herself for losing control like that! Maybe Tsunade had rubbed off on her more than she'd expected. She sighed and entered the building, still in her thoughts. To her utter surprise he was already there.

"Ohayo, Kohai," he greeted stiffly and she eyed him curiously.

"Ohayo, Senpai," she replied and put down her stuff at the desk. He remained silent while she rustled around with her papers and she was grateful for it. A short side gaze was enough to tell her why he remained silent: he was reading. Which was the next surprise; it wasn't one of his Icha-Icha books.

Unsure if she should' say something she stuck to being silent and looked up as the first students dropped their homework on the desk. Until short before the lunch break everything went fine, but then Sora asked just the wrong question.

"Should we always stick to our orders?"  
>Kakashi didn't lower his book, but Sakura just knew that he had all his senses on alert. She sighed inwardly and hoped to back out with a diplomatic answer.<p>

"Depends," she answered and knew the moment the word left her mouth that it wouldn't satisfy as an answer.

"On what?"

"Yes, a quite good question. On what?" Kakashi asked and finally lowered his book.

"On the situation you're in," Sakura said half heartedly.

"Why not giving you a proper example to explain it?" Kakashi said and snapped the book shut. She could already tell this wasn't going anywhere pleasant.  
>"When you're on a mission, and ordered to stay in hiding – no matter what happens – until your squad-leader gives a sign and then you see someone sneaking up to your captain. Sticking to the order and stay put or disobeying?" he asked.<p>

"If it leaves the impression that the captain is well aware of the attempt I'd stay put," she replied and he raised a brow.

_**"Really?"**_ he drawled sarcastically. "I remember that differently."

"_**If**_ the captain would've stuck to his own plan, then there wouldn't have been any need to disobey the order!"

"The situation required a change of the plan," he clarified dryly.

"This meant that there was no need to stay in hiding," Sakura said and shot a glare at him.

"The captain had everything under control, until two unknown variables brought themselves in."

Sakura crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Under control? You call a pierced lung, three broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder and strain on your chakra-system due to overuse of the Sharingan _**'under control'**_?" she fired back and he glared at her. His single eye was enough to let her know he was boiling with anger.

"So... what's the answer?" Sora asked again.

Sakura turned away from Kakashi and focused on the student.

"As long as you're Genin I'd say put your full trust in your Jonin-sensei and keep to the orders you receive. They won't put you up to anything you can't handle. But as I said, it depends on the situation you're in. When it comes to weeding out or catching runaway pets there's not much you actually can do wrong. But the more experienced you get and the more advanced your missions become, the more you must learn to think for yourselves. All your actions have influence on your whole team, so you must ponder what you intent to do. I only disobey orders when I think that they're... not right or lead to damage on a team member. Which – in this particular case – "she shot Kakashi a glare "was obviously happening. I decided to rush in because I knew that it would end in disaster otherwise."

"So you say if it's to safe team members, one can disobey an order," Sora resumed and she nodded.

"Sometimes, yes. We have our codex, you've all read it and perhaps learned it already off by heart by now. But most of us develop our own way, our own path, and we stick to it. But that's something you'll find out yourself."

That moment the bell rang and signaled the break and all students seemed in a rush to get out. But Sora asked another question and all remained silent again.

"What's your path, Sakura-sensei?"  
>The 'Sensei' sounded odd in her ears, and the question honestly took her by surprise.<p>

"In your age I was always limping behind my other team members, trying to catch up had been my path back then. But now, I'd say my path is trying to keep them healthy, to keep them alive."

Satisfied with the answer the students disappeared into the break and Sakura exhaled audibly and closed her eyes. Just great. If putting up things like that to have her and Kakashi fighting like cat and dog was the plan of Iruka's class, she'd honestly be screwed within one week.

"Keeping them healthy and alive, huh?" Kakashi asked and she heard him standing up. It didn't go unnoticed that he shortly held his breath, obviously he was still in pain.

"Seems to me you lost your way on the road," he limped to the door and had already reached it, as she silently answered.

"I'm not the one who should rethink the path chosen. Saving lives sometimes requires hard decisions."

"I never asked to be 'saved'," he snorted and she sighed silently.

"Yes, I know."  
>Ignoring her he limped out and shut the door as loud as he could. Again she sighed and shook her head. Either too proud, or too blind, she couldn't decide yet. The door slid halfway open again and she looked who it was, seeing Naruto with his hand at the door but looking down the corridor.<p>

"Leave him," she said and his head snapped in her direction.

"Why?" he asked confused.

"Because he's awfully annoying. At least he hasn't shouted at me. Let him go, there's no way you can actually talk rationally with him."

"So he keeps up with it. Sometimes it's hard not to call him stupid," the blonde man said while shaking his head and Sakura nodded.

"I know what you mean. Genius when analyzing and planning, but a fool when it comes to interpersonal actions. Man, I never thought it'd be so hard. Have you found something out?"

"Nope. Baa-chan keeps quiet, must've figured out already that I try to find out why she put you up with him," he mumbled and Sakura snickered.

"If you've tried to be subtle then I know why she figured out. Never mind, he's... at least he's talking to me again."

"Step up, just great," he replied sarcastically and she laughed.

"Are you here to discuss my getting along with our ex-sensei or did you come to fetch me for lunch?"

"The latter. Let's go, I'm starving," he grinned wide and she rolled her eyes.

"As long as you don't forget that it's your turn to pay, I won't object."

* * *

><p>Sakura was grateful that Naruto showed up. You can always trust him to put your mind at ease. Teuchi greeted them with a wide smile and started to cook their usual.<p>

"He shouted at you?" Naruto asked as he had sat down and Sakura nodded.

"Yes. Well, we shouted at each other. I never thought that he'd snap like that. I hope Shisho knows what she's doing. At the beginning I thought I can see her point, but now... I'm not so sure about it anymore." She toyed with her chopsticks and Naruto frowned at her.

"Isn't that normally my part? Sakura-chan, even I understand what she's trying, and that means something, right? See, he has to learn it. I know that he thinks some things are worth dying for, but that he came to care so little about his own life... that's what has to stop. Maybe Iruka-sensei is right; maybe he really thinks that we don't need him anymore."

"I know Naruto, no need to tell me that. In one way Kakashi might even be right – if he actually thinks it – but that's not a universal truth. He's still needed."

"Yeah, being part of the puzzle," he said and thanked Teuchi with a nod, as he placed the bowl in front of him. Sakura thanked with a smile and broke her chopsticks apart.

"Yes, exactly. But he refuses to understand. Or maybe he understands, but won't allow us so close. I actually think it's the latter."

"But the way he used to be at missions... remember that. You really think he's like that?"

"He never let us die, that's true. But how much do we actually know about him? Trust is the word, Naruto."

"E, so desu. You have a point," He mumbled around the noodles and she snickered, before she started to eat too.

As they had finished Sakura felt better, Naruto was like a cure sometimes.

"So, what are you going to do?" he asked as he had paid and she shrugged.

"I try to ignore him as much as possible, and I'll try not to jump at everything he says. Though, he knew how to hit a nerve, so it'll be difficult," she replied and he snorted a laugh.

"Yeah, sort of always knew where to strike. Irritating."

"True words, Naruto, true words. You keep me in the loop, ok?"

"Yosh! You'll be the first to know if I hear something," he grinned and she shook her head.

"Oh Naruto, you're still such a kid sometimes."

"Part of my charm, as I've learned. See you on Friday? You haven't forgotten, have you?"

"Nope, haven't. I'll be there on time. Tell Hina I'll bring along what she'd ordered. But I bet we see each other earlier, I'm sure you'll be there when I look after Iruka-sensei."

"Probably. Go back, don't let your students wait," he grinned and she nodded.

"Thanks for the lunch, see you around."

* * *

><p>Gladly Kakashi had gone back to moping silently. That's something she could deal with. At least it let her finish today's lessons without any further interruptions. The students remained silent and no further questions fuelled the arguments between her and him. As the lessons were finished, the last student gone and the classroom cleaned she packed her things and went to leave as well. Kakashi was still sitting on his chair and reading in his book, at least it seemed like that. As she walked past him, she dropped a little bottle pain-killers onto his book.<br>Wordlessly she left and headed for Iruka-sensei's apartment, to check up on him.

Kakashi didn't know what to make out of that situation. Not healing him was already punishment enough, but to be stuck with Sakura for the next six weeks was simply adding more to the pile. He didn't understand why Tsunade did that and why – or better how – Sakura could stay so stubborn. Flipping wasn't the wisest thing to do, he knew that. He also knew that he was acting more like an immature teen than an adult, but he couldn't help it.  
>He had planned on being friendlier, but as the question about orders had been asked, he simply had to hook into it. The mature part of his brain told him, that there was an immense need to talk and clarify things with her, but the immature part of his brain was stronger at the moment. He felt so pissed in one way that he simply wanted to shout at her, to argue with her and not to talk things through quietly. And somehow that rubbed him even more in the wrong way. He shouldn't feel like this, he shouldn't be mad at his former student for growing into using that brilliant mind of hers. But he wanted to, damn how he wanted to!<br>He knew she was right as she told him to think about his path. He knew it but he wished he could forget it.  
>It surprised him – to put it mildly – as she dropped the pain-killers. He knew them and they weren't sold at the pharmacies. They only had them in the hospital. Sakura has had a huge part in upgrading them, they helped better than the ones you could buy and had fewer side-effects. He sat there quite a while and looked at the little bottle, before he put it into his pocket and decided to limp home.<br>Gladly Iruka was recovering well, and Sakura smiled contently as she finished her examination.

"We caught you the right time, sensei. You're doing really fine. Maybe you'll be back to old forces sooner than I expected."

"Ha, good to hear," he smiled.

"Still those pain-attacks and cramps?" she asked and he nodded.

"Yes, but when I take the oxime it fades and then it's ok. How's my class behaving?"

"The class behaves quite well, but alas, my supporter does not."

"Kakashi," he sighed and shook his head. "Naruto told me, just in case you wonder. I can't believe it, honestly."

"Maybe you have been right. Maybe he simply feels like being left out in the cold, but there's no way to talk to him right now. He's blocking everything and dropping side blows whenever he gets the chance," she sighed and then laughed a little bitter."Oh listen to me! I'm complaining like an old woman! Damn it... I stooped low, huh?"

Iruka laughed softly and the smile he wore showed her, that he understood completely.

"You suffer the same illness like I: we care. The more we care for others, the more they're able to upset us. Believe me; I know exactly how you feel. Caring for Naruto gave me headaches and stomach cramps more often than you might think."

She snickered as he brought back these memories. She never counted how often Iruka barked at Naruto, but it had been a constant part through her academy days. Back then only Sasuke had counted for her, Naruto was just an annoying diversion. Funny to see how things had changed.

"I think I understand you better now. But at least you could reason with Naruto. Reasoning with Kakashi is pointless right now. At least for me, since I'm not able to talk to him without wishing I could strangle him."  
>The Chunin laughed and shook his head.<p>

"Try ignoring him a few days longer. I think that'll work," he suggested and she sighed.

"It'll at least annoy him further. It's exasperating. I'm used to him being silent, but that has been... sort of a content silence. Now it's just... I don't know. Exasperating, like I said. Every time I try to talk to him it feels like I'm speaking with a wall. In fact, I believe a wall would pay more attention. He simply seems to refuse to see _**why**_ we do that. If I would heal him – and Kami knows how I wish I was allowed to – he would head back to the next mission that'll leave him close to death again. He pays so little attention to his life, it scares me."

"I think he pays more attention to your words as you'd give him credit for. But try to see things from his position. He blocked out everyone, never allowed anyone close. You and Naruto had been an exception; you had been closer to him than anyone, after his sensei's death. And now you turn away from him, leaving him in your shadows."

"I know. I feel bad because of that. But what can I do? Stop being who I am is not an option, not that he would want that. I only can try to reach him; the rest is up to him."

"Yes. I know. Just keep up with reaching out. Someday he'll understand, I'm sure about that."

"I hope you're right. But now I've strained you enough. You rest, sensei. I bet Naruto will drop by any minute to deliver dinner. I'll come around the day after tomorrow. If you need something earlier..."

"I know how to contact you, Sakura-chan. Thank you very much," he said and smiled.

"Don't thank for things that are self-evident," she said and smiled widely. "You're part of the family."

Feeling better she headed home. All the things she had heard the last two days, from Ino, Shikamaru, Naruto and Iruka, she knew already. There was no actual need to tell her, but to hear them somehow gave her strength. She couldn't give up on him. She failed one of her team members; she wouldn't allow herself to fail another one. As she reached her doorstep she stopped and looked surprised.

"Yo Sakura, time for some chat?"  
>Actually that had been the least she wanted right now.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

I am so not satisfied with this chapter, but heck, it needed to be written. In the next chapter there will be more Kakashi and hopefully the story will get into the flow I usually have while writing.  
>A big 'THANKS' to all of you who still read the story even though it took me like forever to get back to it. Sorry. Blame Transformers and Dragon Age, it's just too addictive.<p>

* * *

><p>Sakura sighed and slightly shook her head.<p>

"Well then, Pakkun, come on in," she unlocked the door and opened it to let them both enter. She carried the stuff she'd been carrying – mostly homework – into her living room and placed it on the small desk in the corner of the room. The pug followed her and then leaped onto the couch.

"What is it you want to talk about?" she asked, though she already knew why he was here.

"I guess ya know it already. I'm here 'cause of him," he replied and tilted his head as he looked at her.

"Yes, I figured as much. But I'm not going to waver in my decision, no matter what you're going to tell me," she said and sat down next to him, automatically starting to pet him. Immediately he rolled on his back, letting her scratch his belly.  
>"Tsunade-shisho has her reasons to decide what she did. As have I."<p>

"I do not doubt that, I just want to understand. He'd been barking at us since he returned. Even Ūhei doesn't want to see him at the moment."

At that she cocked a brow. Ūhei usually was the one who was unshakeable, no matter his master's moods.

"All I want ta know... is there really a deeper reason? Or are you just... I don't know... punishing him?"

She stopped stroking him and eyed him calculatingly. "Has he sent you to ask me this?"

"Nope, it's my own curiosity," he replied and sounded honest, but with Pakkun you never knew. Another sigh left her lips and she looked past the pug on the floor.

"It... has deeper reasons, yes," her voice sounded sad, and he didn't want to ask further.

"That's all I wanted ta know. We'll just have to live through it, I s'pose."

"What? No questions why?" she asked confused and he snorted.

"He's let you closer than any I can remember, and you keep looking after him. I trust ya, like the rest of us. I guess it'll explain itself someday."

"Yes. It will," she only mumbled and kept petting him while looking out of the window. It was slowly getting dark, and she hadn't eaten, but she didn't feel hungry either.

Giving him some of her own medics was the only thing she could do. Tsunade explicitly told every medic to do nothing that'll speed up the healing process. He shall heal naturally, so his reserves could recover, since he seemed too exhausted. The picture of him nearly dying under her hands with a collapsed lung came back into her mind and she flinched. Letting Sasuke go was one thing, a thing she could handle, but losing Kakashi... no. She scolded herself for letting her mind wander into that direction.

"I'll be goin'; I guess ya still have a lot of stuff ta do. Thanks for hearing me," Pakkun said and flashed her one of his dog-grins, before he disappeared in a little cloud of smoke.

She let her hands sink into her lap and looked sadly at them. How often she had healed with these hands... she long since lost count. How many died while she tried to heal them? All the faces of the ones she couldn't save kept popping up in her mind every now and then. It had been one of the first things Tsunade had told her, that there was no way she could save everyone. Sometimes the wounds were too severe to be mended, or one reached the person too late, or the other way round.

"You cannot win against god's will, Sakura. That's something you have to keep in mind, though it's sometimes hard to understand. Trust me; I know what I'm talking about."

Back then she had looked at her, not understanding what she meant. Tsunade had smiled at her, a smile that never reached her eyes. But a few years back she began to understand her.

With a heavy sigh Sakura got up and went over to her desk to start looking through the homework. It was long dark as she finished grading it and as she looked at the clock her belly started rumbling. Settling for an instant ramen as dinner she went into the kitchen and set water to boil. With the bowl and a pair of chopsticks she went on her balcony. Tomorrow surely will be great day, she just knew it.

* * *

><p>The next day as she entered the classroom the small bottle of her painkillers stood on the desk, but Kakashi was nowhere to be seen. Confused she laid the homework down and took the bottle; no pill was missing. Slowly the students arrived and sat down on their places, and Kakashi still wasn't there. Putting that fact aside she handed out the corrected homework, and just as she finished it the door slid open and he came limping in. He still was in pain but tried his best to hide it. Kakashi somehow managed it to balance a small box into the classroom and put it down on the desk. Sakura stared, not sure what she should say, but as she saw the contents – fresh leaves – a brow shot up questioningly. He simply shrugged and sat down.<p>

"Only theory is of no use," was his only explanation.

"Uh... yes. You're right," she said, ignoring the silently muttered _'of course I am'_ and handing out the leaves.

"Today we will practice your chakra focus," Kakashi said and immediately the whole class fell dead silent, one could've heard a pin drop.  
>"It's counterproductive if you waste chakra while performing jutsu. If you're able to focus and keep it at specific points on your body you learn to better control it and hereby can use it more effective in combat."<p>

Some of the students nodded, the others just gazed at him in awe.

"You do it like that: focus your chakra to a spot on your body – use your forehead for now – and concentrate it there. The leaf is light enough to stick to the spot, but as soon as you lose concentration and the flow dissolves the leaf will fall down. Now try it."  
>And they happily obeyed.<p>

Sakura looked at the students and then back at him. He kept up a calm demeanor, but she knew him better.

"Why haven't you taken my pills?" she asked silently and he cocked a brow.

"I thought you were _**ordered**_ to let me suffer?" he asked back, an annoyed-stubborn tune to his voice.

"I was ordered not to _**heal**_ you. There was no word that I'm not allowed to _**treat**_ you," she hissed through her teeth. "If you wouldn't be so bloody stubborn you would've recognized that by now."

"You're the one to talk," he snorted back and took his book out of his pocket.

"You. Are. Impossible," she bit out and then took a deep calming breath.

At least the students didn't notice their silent hissed exchange. Returning to ignoring him she focused on the class, giving the students hints on what they can change in order to get better.  
>It was shortly before break as she heard someone running towards her classroom. After a short knock the door slid open and Hinata stood in the doorway.<p>

"Gomen, Sakura-chan, I need you! Now!" Quickly the Kunoichi combined.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked.

"I don't know. He got cramps again and every time he tries to take his medicine he's vomiting it out again. I don't know what to do; Naruto-kun isn't home either..." The Hyuga was breathless and pale with worry.

"Let's go!" Sakura said and ran past her, not even looking at Kakashi.

* * *

><p>"When did it start?" Sakura asked while running alongside her.<p>

"Yesterday evening. Iruka-sensei was pale and developed fever. I thought not much about it, and managed to keep the temperature steady. This morning he was shaking madly while trying to drink his tea, that's when he vomited the first time. I tried to give him the medicine, but he doesn't keep it. I didn't want to lose more time, sorry if I disturbed you," Hinata ended her explanation and Sakura let out a grunt.

"No need to apologize for that. Kakashi's there, he should be able to look over them for a while. We only need to stop by at the hospital, there we keep Oxime as injection. That should work."

The two dashed up to the hospital and into its medicale storage, where Sakura grabbed a syringe and then they took off towards the Hyuga compound. Hinata had her own small house where she and Naruto lived since three years.

"I left Hanabi with him so he won't be alone, but I doubt she'll be able to do much for him."

"You did the right thing, Hinata-chan. Don't worry, we'll fix that, the poison isn't the problem anymore. But due to that his immune system is weakened and nerves have to recover; he's weakened. Dehydration is the biggest threat at the moment. Just soup for him for at least three days. Nothing too heavy and keep him indoors for a week. I know it'll be hard for him, but he has to take it slow. He won't listen to me, so tell it Naruto when he comes home this evening. I'm going to tell him tomorrow myself."

"Understood," Hinata nodded and slowed a bit as they reached her family's compound.

"Here," she opened the door and rushed up to the guest room.

"Hinata! I'm glad you're back. I don't know what... Sakura-san!" Hanabi let out a relieved huff.

"Kami! I'm so glad you're here!" she hastily stepped aside to let the two women enter the room

Sakura's stomach clenched as she saw the Chunin. His skin had a sick pale tone, thick beads of sweat formed on his brow and he was shaking uncontrollable.

"Hanabi, I need fresh cold water, Hinata, keep his arm steady," Sakura ordered businesslike and both women nodded, then the youngest hurriedly left the room.  
>Hinata took the Chunin's arm and tried to hold him down while Sakura removed the secure cap from the needle and looked for the right vein to place the injection.<p>

"Iruka-sensei, calm down..." she said, while she brought down the tip of the needle.

"I... try..." he replied through clenched teeth.

"Now," Sakura mumbled and Hinata nodded.

With skilled fingers she brought the needle into his vein and pushed down the plunger. Hinata had her troubles with holding the Chunin down, but after a few moments he finally calmed.

"Sorry," He mumbled exhausted and Sakura shook her head.

"There is no need to apologize."

Hinata sunk down next to the bed and rubbed her forehead. Her hands were still shaking but she managed a weak smile as Sakura looked at her.

"You're worrying us, Iruka-sensei," the pink haired Kunoichi sighed and sat down on the floor to calm her nerves. The brunette Chunin sighed heavily but remained silent.  
>"It's not your fault, blame it on the toxin."<p>

She picked herself up and then placed one hand on his forehead and the other on his chest.  
>"Please, try to relax," Sakura said and closed her eyes. She channeled her chakra and let it merge with his. A frown formed on her forehead.<p>

"Hinata-chan, can you lend me your eyes?" she asked and the Hyuga stood up.

"What do you need?" she asked and stopped right behind her friend.

"Can you check his chakra-points? I think there might be a few blocked. I can sense that there is something off, but I can't see it," Sakura said without opening her eyes.

"Of course," Hinata focused and scanned Iruka's body. "Three Tenketsu are blocked; one over his heart, one near the spleen and one over the liver. Shall I reactivate them?" she asked and Sakura nodded.

"Yes, please."  
>And Hinata reactivated said three spots. Iruka grunted but then obviously relaxed, as did both Kunoichi.<p>

"God," Hinata sighed silently and sat down at the edge of the mattress. Sakura nodded wordless and eyed Iruka carefully.

"I'll drop by after school and check up on you. If anything changes, Hinata, please come and fetch me. But I guess it should be better now. The toxin messed up your chakra flow and probably that inflicted your Tenketsu. Take it slow, Iruka-sensei, ok?" she asked and he weakly nodded.

"Thank you, Sakura," he nearly whispered and she shook her head.

"Don't do that. Don't apologize. Rest now, we will see us later."  
>Sakura squeezed Hinata's shoulder gently and smiled at her. With a curt nod she left and headed back to the academy.<p>

* * *

><p>The break was over and the class was silently practicing with their leaves, while Kakashi was reading his book. She didn't say anything just went back to watch the students and help where needed. As school was over – without homework – the students happily left and she sat down at her desk and rubbed her forehead.<p>

"That had been quite a quick escape," Kakashi muttered and she snorted.

"Iruka had been poisoned with sarin on his last mission, just in case you haven't heard yet," Sakura replied tiredly and then stood up to clean the blackboard.

"It's nice to see..." he started and she turned around fast and bent the chair back so she could stare in his eye.

"Nice to see... _**what**_? That I drop down everything to rush to his aid? That I show concern for him? Or simply that I show more concern for him than for you right now?"

He held her gaze but said nothing. Her brows furrowed in anger but as she spoke she sounded bitter.

"You have no idea how I broke every record as I sprinted up to the hospital the last time Naruto dragged _**you** _home from mission. You were much closer to death than to life, and god alone knows how many prayers I sent to heaven while I tried to save you. Sometimes – that's what I've learned over the years – you have to save people from themselves in order to really save them."

Sakura let go of the chair and put the blackboard eraser back to its destined place before she walked to the door.

"You should know by now, that keeping you, Naruto and Iruka alive is highest priority on my list."

For a moment it appeared as if he was about to say something, but then he simply sighed silently.

"You know, for someone I used to look up to you are acting rather childish and so very unlike you at the moment," Sakura muttered silently.

"What do _**you**_ know about me?" he asked without looking at her.

"Nothing. By your own choice."

It was hard for Sakura to keep her emotions in check while she walked over to Hinata's house again, so deeply lost in her thoughts that she didn't even notice that Naruto jogged up to her and had called out her name several times by now.

"Sakura-chan!" he finally caught up with her and poked her shoulder.

"Oh, I haven't heard you," she admitted sheepishly and he gave her one of his brightest grins.

"Tell me something I didn't already know," he chuckled. "What's wrong?"

"Iruka had been suffering a little relapse this morning and Kakashi's being difficult," Sakura muttered and immediately his grin faltered.

"What about Iruka-sensei?" Naruto asked and she sighed while she rubbed her temples.

"Some Tenketsu were blocked, but Hina reactivated them. He was better right away; I simply want to check up on him. No need to worry."

One look though was enough to show her that he wasn't buying it. Inwardly she heaved a sigh and looked skywards, asking whatever deity there was what she had done to deserve her actual situation. Taking care of Iruka wasn't the problem, she was used to patients more difficult – and it certainly wasn't Kakashi – but to have both her former teachers injured was a little... stressing. If she was honest to herself it was actually only Kakashi's out-of-the-usual behavior that gave her a headache, a major one at that. Surely she was completely nuts by the time Iruka was healthy again and back on duty.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Hello everyone! Next chapter up. It's somehow inspired by 'blind' from 'Wolfsheim', can't help it. Thanks again to everyone who had the patience to keep up with my long updating-pause, I hope the chapters are worth it. Like always I try to stick to the character pattern of Kishimoto and not turn them into OOC's or something like that. If I do, please point it out to me. I just recently caught up with the manga again and felt like 'wtf?' as I saw the newest developments. Traitor! How could you?! But enough spoilers, back to the story.

* * *

><p>How long was he going to keep that up? Kakashi heaved a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew he was acting like an idiot, but somehow he couldn't help it. A particularly annoying cut on his calf itched and he gritted his teeth not to scratch it. He had done that before, until the itch turned into pain and the damn wound had started to bleed again. He let out an aggravated shout that startled half of his pack and pressed himself hard into his couch. How long?<br>One look on his calendar was enough to tell him that he just had survived one week. Groaning he slid down on the couch.

"Ya know… ya pathetic," Pakkun said and hopped on the couch next to him.

"I can't recall that I have invited you to have a go at me," Kakashi retorted dryly and the pug snorted.

"Yeah, I know. But ya could need a good kick in the rear. Ya know that ya only make the time for yaself worse, right?" the dog asked again and tilted his head to scratch himself behind his ear.

"Do you take me for a fool?"

Silence.

"I don't want to discuss that with you," he muttered and the dog sighed.

"Ya should talk with her. Sakura cares for you," Pakkun muttered and now it was his master's turn to snort.

"Really? Humor me."

"She'd been here, she treated ya, gave ya her painkillers… need more examples? She sat vigil next to ya bed for hours, poured everything she had into ya until she collapsed herself… satisfied, or even more?"

The glare Kakashi shot him would've sliced solid stone to little pieces, but the pug remained utterly unfazed. Pakkun even smirked smugly before he plopped down on the cushion and yawned.

"Didn't think so."

"For someone so small you are awfully smug," Kakashi muttered and continued to stare at the calendar as if he could will the days to roll by.

He sighed and reached for a book and grimaced, as he saw it was the mystery story Sakura had given him to his last birthday. Yet again he was reminded of her. Shoving this thought aside he flipped open the book and began to read. He needed something to get his mind off of Sakura, off of his wounds and especially off of his wounded pride. Kakashi stretched out on his couch and found himself soon very occupied with the story. Sakura had been more than just pleased to find out that he read different stuff than only Jiraiya's smut. He let out a growl as her name and with it her smiling face popped up in his mind. He heard Pakkun chuckle and mercilessly kicked the dog off of the couch. Smart-mouthed as the pug might be he knew pretty well when it was better for his health - and his belly scrubs - to shut up.

Sometimes you have to save people from themselves in order to save them... he told her the very same thing once, but back then it had concerned the damn stubborn Uchiha, to see his own words backfire at him wasn't the best of feelings.  
>What do you know about me... nothing... by your own choice. He growled and snapped the book shut, slamming it down on the side table before he stood up and limped into the kitchen to make tea. How could he ever believe that he would be able to shut them out? To especially shut <em><strong>her<strong>_ out?

"Damn it!" he cursed and slammed his fist down on the counter. The vibrations were strong enough to sent the cup to the floor where it shattered to pieces.

Not bothering with picking up the shards he limped back into the living room. His pack wisely had disappeared, knowing pretty well when it was best to keep their heads low and their tails out of sight. Sighing Kakashi took a picture of his father out of the shelf. It had taken years to look at it without feeling grief or animosity, but he had managed to forgive him and felt relieved afterwards.

"You can only pretend for so long you're cut loose from everything, right?" he muttered at the picture and gently traced his thumb over the glass.  
>"I guess it's catching up with me now."<p>

Carefully Kakashi put the picture back into the shelf, one mess of shards was enough for the day. he limped over to the couch again and let himself fall onto it, breathing a heavy sigh. Why kept he pushing away the people whose company he enjoyed? Around Gai he could still pretend that a part of his live was still like it had been before things had 'gone bad' and around Naruto and Sakura he didn't feel as lonely as he mostly did.  
>Slowly he had lost the ones he had held dear because he thought it would be better to not become attached to anyone and now the ugly beast of loneliness reared its head and sunk its fangs deeply into his being. Kakashi knew he should apologize but he simply couldn't, he wanted to but he couldn't. If he would, she would look at him with those dark green eyes, an unearthly look of understanding to them he simply couldn't bear.<p>

* * *

><p>Sakura sat wedged between Naruto and Iruka and smiled, despite the unease she felt. It was loud, like always when Naruto was going on about something and at the moment he was replaying his last week under Tsunade's supervision. At some points Sakura couldn't help but laugh, seeing the expression of her former teacher clearly in her mind, grimacing at her friend's antics. Hinata sat opposite of her, listening with rapt attention to everything her love said. Sakura felt happy for the both of them, they were good for each other. Iruka lightly nudged her as Naruto lapsed into another verbose explanation about how to sort through missions and winked at her. The pink haired woman blushed, feeling caught which he only commented with one of his very typical mild knowing smiles. The Chunin possessed the rare talent to read all of them like open books, no matter how hard they tried to hide what they were thinking about.<p>

She thought that maybe reading her was more than just easy, but Kakashi once had playfully complained that she was becoming too much like him. Sakura knew what he meant, slapping on a fake smile that was practiced for so many years that it managed to convince even the biggest skeptic. Everyone but yourself. Iruka took the chance to speak with her as Naruto followed Hinata into the kitchen to help with dessert.

"How is he doing?" he asked and Sakura shrugged.

"I honestly don't know. I can see that he still is in pain, but I... can't manage to talk to him. He's efficiently blocking me out," she replied and he smiled.

"A trait both of you have in common. And how is my class doing?"

"They are somewhat scared of him," she said with a smirk. "But they are also very eager to learn. It's the most famous Copy Nin after all. Yesterday he brought leaves and they practiced eagerly," Sakura replied, not feeling the small fond smile on her lips, but Iruka caught it right away.

"I guess they'll be way ahead of the schedule when I'm back," he chuckled and Sakura smirked.

"You have a reputation to lose. What a scrappy substitute would I be if I'd allow them to sink from school's best to school's worst?"

"Aw, you're talking business," Naruto complained who just came back, carrying a tray with freshly cut fruit.  
>"You're such hypocrites. Scolding me and then doing it yourself, not really fair."<p>

"Keep your hair on," Sakura muttered dryly. "Iruka-sensei asked and I answered. It wasn't us who were going on and on about Hokage-business the whole evening."

For a moment he looked at her, his eyes narrowed, before he flashed her a toothy grin and winked. Without further words he turned around and went into the kitchen again.

"Sometimes he's still such a kid," Sakura murmured and Iruka hummed.

"Yes, he is."

He still looked at the door where the blond man just had left with a fond smile on his lips. Sakura knew - just like all of them - that the bond the two of them shared was deeper than just student-teacher, and for the both of them she was grateful. Iruka had been alone for far too long, just like her friend, and together they were somewhat like brothers. Between them there were never any unnecessary questions, there was an understanding on a level she couldn't grasp but always liked to watch. It let her forget the still ongoing fights, the still occurring deaths due to the fights and the fear and loneliness that crept up her spine whenever she was alone. Sometimes she wished to be a little girl again, to curl up on her bed while her mother patted her head, telling her that everything was going to be alright. But to wish for something like that never did her any good. Sakura hugged her chest, suddenly feeling hollow and frowned. How was she able to drift off in such somber thoughts when she was with her second family? Her inner circle? But as she looked up and her eyes shortly darted to the place Kakashi tended to sit when he joined them she had her answer.

Everything that concerned him always got under her skin, no matter how hard she tried to keep it on the same level like with her other friends. She had brought back a nearly dead Neji, she had healed a badly wounded Choji and she had brought back Kiba from the brink of death several times over during the last three years, and even though she always heard the small nagging voice in her mind that told her not to fail them none of these pictures haunted her like Kakashi.  
>Sakura was a professional in the ER, always calm and composed, her mind always racing and adapting to changes, yet as he lay there on the table under her hands, his skin so grey and cold with those strange rattling sounds as his dying body tried to suck in the dearly needed oxygen her hands had started to tremble. The composed and strong medic was out of the window and she was the young helpless Genin again, her mind chanting the same sentence over and over <em>'don't die, don't leave me, don't die, don't leave me' <em>as if her will alone would be enough to keep him alive. That night was the most horrible in her live, for hours she fought to keep him alive. Ino had popped in her head into the room six times and tried to get her friend to make a break, to at least drink something, but Sakura wouldn't have it.

Eighteen hours she sat next to his bed, staring at the lifeless body, the only sounds in the room came from the ECG, the lung ventilator and her own silent ragged breathing. Sakura feared if she would look away from him for even longer than a minute he would cease to be and that was something she couldn't bear. Over all those years he had become someone special, more than a sensei, more than a mentor. Kakashi always meant hope, hope that things would become like they were one day, that all the fear and sadness and loneliness would go away. In every battle they fought he was always on the frontline, fighting and protecting. He always was the strong one, balancing the imprudent actions of Naruto and her lack brashness. He simply was there, always. How could live possibly go on without him? Back then she barely had contained a whimper and now she shuddered at the very thought. She never told him how important he had become, because rule number one around him was never cling. Sometimes he'd come to you and stay, talking about insignificant things or simply remaining silent, but as unexpected as he sometimes came for visits he left again.

Naruto and her had learned a long while back that it was all he allowed, a sober perception Asuma's death had made all too clear. Kakashi was easiest compared to a stray dog, he came for scraps and scratches but needs his freedom and would leave as soon as you try to keep him. But that was wrong, wasn't it?  
><em>Your voice was like music... I had to follow... I never asked you to save me... what do you know about me...<em> Sakura shuddered involuntarily and shoved the thoughts aside. Iruka already had given her one of his knowing looks and she didn't need a prying Naruto on top of that.  
>The rest of the evening passed as usual, much to Sakura's relief but on her way back home the thoughts and memories caught up with her.<p>

_...  
><em>

_"You want __**what**__?!" she had barked at Tsunade, who had sat in her chair utterly unfazed._

_"You heard me quite right," she replied coldly. "No chakra healing this time." _

_"But what if he's in pain? What if he's suffering?" she had thrown into her former mentor's face. _

_"Wasn't it you who pointed out to me that he comes home even worse after each mission? Wasn't it you who complained that I'm sending him off to die? Wasn't it you who told me that he needs a break dearly or he might not return from his next mission?" Tsunade asked and Sakura fell silent. _

_Yes, it had been her words and worries, but that didn't mean that she was willing to turn a blind eye on his injuries and pain. God, how could she ask of her to leave him suffer?_

_"He has to learn the most important lesson after all: his live isn't unimportant," Tsunade went on without looking away from her former student.  
>"You - of all people in Konoha - should have an interest in that." <em>

_Sakura had looked at her, her face blank. Just as her brows lightly knit in question a rare heartfelt small smile had rushed over Tsunade's face. _

_"Do you think me blind? Do you think I haven't noticed you nearly twenty-hour vigil? He needs time to recover, to fully recover. Not only physically, but mentally. Kakashi is now at a point where most Shinobi either die or retire. To him the first might not matter, but to us it does. I don't order you to do this as Hokage, Sakura, I ask you to do this as his friend. Would he die now we would just be as guilty as the one finishing him, as it were we who patched him up good enough to sent him back out."_

_"I... I understand," Sakura had muttered and Tsunade had hummed._

_"I know that you care about him, and I'm glad you do. I know that it'll be hard for you to refrain from speeding up his healing, but he has to learn his own value. So please, for his sake, stick to the embargo."_

...

Sakura heaved a sigh as she dragged herself up the stairs to her apartment. She had agreed to Tsunade's proposal even though she knew it would be hard and it became even harder after she had cleaned and bandaged his wounds. It sounded rational as they were debating it, but as she actually saw him... well, he didn't look as torn as he had with his collapsed lung, no less she knew that the sheer amount of wounds was bound to hurt nearly as much. It stung her to see him like that, but what really hurt her was the look of betrayal in his eye. She leant herself against her closed door and sighed again, this was something she never wanted to do.

"Just great," she groaned. "Guilt trip, right what I needed. This is just going to become even harder, I know it."

Saturday she busied herself with housework and shopping for grocers, but no less her mind kept nagging her. And with it the nightmares returned. As Ino came around for breakfast on Sunday morning she saw her friend in the worst shape since years.

"You look like… well… scrap," she muttered and Sakura snorted.

"Tell me something I don't already know."

"You have a lot to talk about, you know that?" Ino asked and Sakura heaved a sigh.

"Have you ever talked to a wall and expected an answer?" she asked back and Ino burst out laughing.

"Don't get me wrong, Forehead, you might actually be the only one who's able to receive an answer from said wall."

"Let's hope you're right."


	6. Chapter 6

I'm back! Sorry that I kept you waiting this long, but gave birth and it took a while until we settled down again and got everything organized.  
>Thank you Hana no Sutoomu for being my Beta. Now please enjoy your read and I'll focus on updating faster.<p>

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><p>Monday morning came too soon for her. One look in the mirror while she brushed her teeth was enough to show her how bad nightmares affected the outer appearance. Sakura heaved a sigh and as she was finished in the bathroom and went over to the kitchen to prepare her breakfast she looked out of the window. The class was well behaving and for the end of this week she had planned a test to see how much they had learned.<p>

Only thirty minutes later she was on her way to the academy, not really looking forward to encountering her former sensei. But as she entered the classroom he sat obviously relaxed on his chair and even greeted her with a nod. She mimicked his motion and then placed her papers on the desk.

"How are you feeling?" she asked and he cocked a brow at her without really answering.

She rolled her eyes at him and put her hands at her hips, glaring down at him.

"What do you think?" he asked back and she gritted her teeth so she wouldn't snap at him.

"I _**think**_ it's time for changing your bandages."

He froze in motion and she hardly suppressed a smirk.

"I'll leave it up to you if you'll come to me after school or if I should come to you. One way or another, it has to be done," she said and he grunted.

"I'm looking forward to it just as much as you are," she muttered and then focused her attention on the arriving students.

Today Sakura was the active part again, delving into Konoha's history and how the village was built. Kakashi didn't really pay attention to her; he knew that Sakura had an immense theoretical knowledge and a good way to explain it. He was thinking about the bandages. Going home after school and dropping down on the couch sounded so appealing, but having her follow him into his apartment was out of the question. Being stuck at home annoyed him to no end and he simply was too fed up with the whole situation that he hadn't done his housework. And it showed. Well, his pack added its share to the whole appearance but knowing Sakura it would be nearly impossible to get rid of her.

Out of the corner of his eye he kept watching her, how she leant against the desk and gestured with her hands while she explained. The students listened with rapt attention, something really rare for Iruka's class, given the fact that he always had the wildest bunch. But perhaps it was the presence of the silver haired Jonin that kept them silent. As the bell announced lunch there was a knock at the door and Ino popped her head into the classroom.

"Hey forehead," she grinned. "Thought I'd drop by to see if you're still alive."

"Ah," Sakura made, "Just because of that, huh?"

"Well, not completely, no. Tsunade gave me a letter for you from Suna and I wanted to go and have lunch with you. If you're not too occupied, that is." the blonde smirked and her friend snorted.

"No, I'm not occupied. Not _yet_," she put emphasis on the last word and shortly shot a glare at Kakashi, who did his best to pretend he hadn't listened.

Ino chose to ignore the copy nin completely, she only looked at her pink haired friend and waited with a smirk while Sakura dug for her purse and then walked over to her.

"So, where do you want to go?" Sakura asked while she slid the door closed behind her.

"Yakiniku Q," Ino said and fell into step next to her friend. "They have fine salads too, not only meat."

"Oh, every now and then I like meat. Just not in the same amounts like Choji and Kiba." Sakura chuckled and winked at Ino.

"Who does?" the blonde snickered and then the two were out of the academy.

…

While they sat at the table and waited for their orders Ino leant back in her chair and eyed Sakura closely.

"What?" the pink haired Kunoichi asked.

"You look just as shitty as yesterday." Ino stated bluntly.

"You're always so sensible, it brings a tear to the eye," Sakura stated dryly.

"I was just stating a fact, like it or not. So the nightmares are back?"

"With full force," Sakura muttered and rubbed her temples. "I simply don't know what to do anymore. He's somehow completely blocking us out. Not only me, but Naruto as well. I have no idea how often I told him that we're doing it for his benefit, since he didn't show any interest in his own health, but he simply won't have it. It's fruitless talking and it's frustrating like hell."

"Well, it sounds as if you narrowed down his character," Ino chuckled, despite the glare her friend shot her.  
>"Come on, you cannot deny it. A wounded manly pride is a serious case."<p>

"He can stuff his pride where the sun never shines, for all I care," Sakura growled. "I just want to beat some sense into him."

"He's not Naruto," Ino pointed out and thanked the waiter as he placed her order in front of her.

"No, certainly not," Sakura snickered and mimicked Ino's movement before she took up her chopsticks.

While they ate they remained silent, both looking out of the window and watching the people outside on the street. It was times like these when Sakura was grateful for their friendship. Ino kept shooting her glances while she ate and what she saw didn't please her.

"You're thinking too much," she stated and Sakura frowned.

"Pardon?"

"You're thinking too much. You keep wrecking your mind about him too much. Just treat him like a stray dog, give him scratches when he comes for them and kick him out when he's misbehaving."

For a short moment Sakura simply looked at her friend, and then she blinked and started to laugh.

"I guess I should kick him out right now," she giggled and Ino snickered.

"Would definitely be interesting to see. Before I forget, here, your letter."

"Thank you," Sakura muttered and took the scroll.

She opened it and started to read. It was from Temari, telling her that they were looking forward to her visit and asking her which herbs they should have at the ready.

"What do they want?" Ino asked curiously.

"Temari just wants to know which herbs I'll need, but I have to say that Suna is well supplied."

"Suna? Well supplied?" Ino asked skeptically and Sakura snickered.

"Yes, I thought so as well. But when we had been there when Gaara had been captured and Kankuro had been poisoned I was surprised to see the many herbs they cultivate in two greenhouses. It's very impressive, actually. Some of the herbs they grow there are rarely found and even harder to cultivate, yet they manage."

"So you are only talking business?" Ino asked slightly disappointed and Sakura snickered.

"Mostly yes, but not always. Anyways, I'm so looking forward to this trip."

"Well, after what you're going through at the moment I can really understand you. How long will you be gone?"

"Six to eight weeks," Sakura said and Ino nodded slowly. "They need enough time to practice. As much as I like travelling, you know that Tsunade plans on retiring and then I cannot leave as easily."

"Yes, well… but they can send their medics to us," Ino stated and Sakura nodded.

"Yeah, but not as many. You know how many are expendable."

"True. But look how many highly specialized medics we have here. There's Tsunade, Shizune, you and Mitate," Ino counted and her friend nodded again.

"Yes, and still we make mistakes. Mitate had shown that as Iruka came back from his mission, but that's nothing I hold against him. Nobody is perfect, but you see that even here we still have work to do."

"Sakura," Ino said softly and her friend lifted a brow at the tone, "We are humans, we make mistakes. I know that each one you couldn't save every now and then hunts you, but that's the way of life."

"I know, or at least my educated mind knows," the pink haired muttered and then sighed.

"And – I know you'll not let me hear the end of it – I'll do my best to fill in for you when you're gone."

For a moment Sakura simply looked at her and then started to snicker, her tired face lighting up immediately.

"Just remember: no flirting with the patients."

Ino first pouted, but then winked at her friend and both shared a good laugh.

"I'll see you at your place," Kakashi said and her head shot up.

"Pardon?"

"I said I'll see you at your place," he repeated steadily and she frowned.

"Where did your sudden change of heart come from?" she asked and he shrugged but remained silent otherwise.  
>"Well… sad. I thought you'd have decided to be less complicated."<p>

With that she focused back on class, trying her best to ignore him. Why did everything have to be so complicated?  
>The rest of the day passed in a rush and after cleaning the blackboard and packing her stuff Sakura turned to leave and only stopped at the door.<p>

"You know where you can find me," she said over her shoulder and then left.

Kakashi looked at the door after she had left and frowned. Something was up, he simply knew it. Plain voice and blank face was Sakura for 'something's bugging me'. The small voice of his conscience told him that _**he**_ was the one bugging her, but since the guilt was still fighting with the hurt he couldn't say he was sorry. Yet.  
>With a tuneless sigh he dragged himself home, trying to stall the pending visit for as long as he could. But knowing Sakura she would probably drop by and drag him out if he wouldn't show up until sundown.<br>Still, it was shortly after eight in the evening as he knocked at her door. He sighed inwardly but the expected rushed footsteps were missing. It took a while until he heard her light steps and the door slowly opened.

"Hadn't expect you to come," she said as a greeting and he had to reign himself in so he wouldn't frown like he would've liked to do.

"You ordered me," he replied dryly.

"You're not one to always follow orders."

A simple statement. No question. No teasing. He narrowed his visible eye but she didn't say anything further, she simply stepped aside and allowed him entrance.

Reluctantly he followed her; he never felt less welcome within these walls. He looked around discreetly while he limped after her into the living room and the guilt he felt increased. He suspected that she had nightmares – if the dark bags under her eyes and the dullness of her hair were anything to go with – but the signs her apartment showed were obvious.

He could see tea mugs summing in her sink, her plants had gone limp, pillows piled on her couch and he noted empty ice cream boxes on the kitchen counter as well as her coffee table.

Containing the sigh that threatened to leave his lips he slowly sat down on the couch and slapped on the best distanced expression he could muster.

"Let's get this show on the road," Sakura muttered and he started to undress so she could reach the bandages and check his wounds.

Sakura did so in silence, every once in a while a short frown rushed over her face and two times she even winced slightly. Yet again she felt terribly guilty for letting him suffer, but since he was acting like a complete prick the last days it made the guilt easier to bear.

"You shouldn't scratch," she chastised without vigor, another sign for him that he had crossed a line with her.

"What's done is done," he muttered and shortly her left eye twitched.

"I have to clean that."

With that she rose to her feet and left the room. She went into her bathroom to fetch her medical kit and exhaled slowly while closing her eyes and counting up to ten. Remaining calm and professional was something she managed with everyone; only exceptions to the rule were him and Naruto. As she was sure she wouldn't maim him or say something that would give away her inner turmoil she went back into her living room, where Kakashi sat impassive on her couch.

'Right…' she thought and knelt down next to him to treat the ugly wound on his calf. As Sakura applied the hydrogen peroxide solution she expected him to at least twitch, but as she shortly looked up he was looking down at her without any readable expression. Ino once had pointed out that she and Naruto were probably the only ones who could read anything in the Copy Nin's face, aside from maybe Iruka.  
>She focused again on the cut, applying the solution again and she noted with a frown that it still was foaming. What the hell had he done?<p>

"Have you been taking your antibiotics?" she asked as she applied some ointment before bandaging his calf again.

"What antibiotics?"

"The prescription I pinned to your door when you wouldn't allow me in," she clarified without looking at him.

The silence that ensued was enough of an answer for her and she sighed audibly.

"I'll give you another one and this time you fetch your medics," Sakura said sternly while she applied the HTP solution on a cut on his shoulder.  
>"That and I want a blood status. I need to check if these two infections have spread, last thing you need now is a sepsis."<p>

"If you say so," Kakashi replied passively.

Again they fell silent, but the tension between them was palpable. There were so many things unspoken between them, but neither wanted to talk. Sakura knew she would start yelling and afterwards crying if she would try to talk things through and Kakashi wasn't in the mood to talk. Period.  
>For him the topic had been closed as he had kicked Pakkun off of his couch the other day. Though one look around the living room was enough for him to know that there would come a time when he had to talk with her, just not now.<p>

About ten minutes later she was finished and he got dressed again. Meanwhile she took her prescription pad and wrote down what she wanted him to take. Before he left she held out the piece of paper and looked at him, almost daring him to say something, but he simply took it and stepped out into the staircase. He headed for the stairs and was somewhat astonished that he didn't hear her door closing.

"Kakashi…" she called out and he stopped mid-step, "Take better care of yourself."

With that she closed the door.


	7. Chapter 7

My vacation's over... BUT I'm back with a new chapter! :D

Enjoy.

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><p>Sakura looked at her closed door for a while before she turned and went to bed. She stared at the ceiling, trying to empty her head but too many thoughts kept popping up in her mind. Every time Kakashi had been here she could at least read some emotions in his face, but today it was utterly blank. She could take that he didn't talk to her, but that he showed no emotion at all was creepy. She tossed and turned for about four hours before she sighed defeated and stood up.<p>

"What a mess," she muttered as she went into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea.

She had known that he wouldn't take it well, but that he blocked her out like that was something she never expected. He was even nasty to his pack according to Pakkun, and that really bothered her. Sighing she went out on her balcony, her steaming mug in both hands. Sakura sat down and looked up into the night sky. What triggered his reaction? Sighing she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.  
>As the sun rose and the first rays reached her on the balcony her head shot up and unbelievingly she looked at her clock.<p>

"And on to another exhausting day," she said and went in to get ready.

On her way to the academy she mentally went through her to-do-list for the day. She needed to check up on Iruka again and she wanted to make a blood status from Kakashi.

"Best thing to do would be to drag that pigheaded fellow into the hospital first; the lab should be finished with the status once I'm done with Iruka," she muttered to herself and stopped abrupt as one of the teachers called out her name and hurried up the corridor to meet her. She had been too lost in thought and was surprised that she already had reached her destination; luckily her subconscious had been leading her on auto pilot.

"Sakura-san!" he called out a little irritated. "How come you reserved training ground six for the whole week?"

He waved a form in front of her nose and with an irritated frown she snatched it out of his hand and started to read. The frown got deeper as she found her name on the bottom of said form.

"I didn't…" she started.

"Then explain! I was planning on using this training ground!"

"What the…" she bit out but both of them got distracted as the door to Iruka's classroom slid open.

"Glad to see that Tsunade authorized my request," Kakashi drawled and picked the form out of Sakura's slackening fingers.  
>"By the way, if you want to use a training ground I suggest you write it onto the planning board, no one can smell ideas."<p>

With that he retreated back into the classroom and Sakura shortly looked at the flabbergasted man in front of her. As he continued to glare at her she simply shrugged and followed her former sensei. After closing the door behind herself she glared at the silver haired man.

"What was that?" she nearly growled.

"What was what?" he tried to sound nonchalant.

"Why did you do that? Using my name for this!" she pointed annoyed at the form he still held in his hand.

"You're the appointed fill-in, are you not? It was rational to use your name," Kakashi stated with a shrug.

"As are you, if I have to remind you," Sakura snapped angrily. "And how about you let me in on your ideas?"

"I haven't seen you arguing as I brought the leaves to class last week."

"Kakashi, don't start _**that**_ with me now! You complained like a little kid and Ibiki had to haul you in. You showed more than just obviously how it pisses you off that you are stuck in the same room with me and that you don't want to teach!"

"Ibiki didn't haul me in," he bit out and she threw her arms in the air.

"Whatever! Then corralled you, might even be the better word in your case!"

"What's the problem with me not wanting to be here?!" Kakashi nearly shouted in her face.

"The only problem I have is that you're acting like a prick!"

Both glared at each other, no one wanted to back down, but a shy cough from the door forced both of them to move. Some of the students stood there, stunned and shocked at the thick atmosphere. Sakura instantly relaxed and shook her head, breaking the tension and waving them to enter.

"The last word isn't spoken yet," she bit out low enough so only Kakashi could hear it.

His muttered 'bite me' luckily went unheard. Slowly the rest of the students arrived and as the last one sat down Sakura leant against the desk.

"Apparently we have a slight change of plans for this week," she gestured towards Kakashi and slapped on a sickly sweet smile as she looked at him. "Care to explain?"

"Of course," he replied just as sweet towards her, before he looked towards the students.

"Theoretical knowledge alone is of no use and with the upcoming tests its best if you have some hands-on experience."

The students looked at him agog and he couldn't help but be reminded how they resembled Naruto in his younger years.

"So instead of learning indoors we will be practicing outdoors on training ground six for the rest of the week. Starting today, so move it," he said and the whole class erupted in cheers.

Sakura rolled her eyes and pushed herself away from the desk before she turned to glare at Kakashi.

"Just so you know, _**this**_ is your call. I'll only be watching. And I expect you at the hospital after school for your blood status, no excuses or whining."

"Yes, ma'am," he drawled and then limped out of the room, not waiting for Sakura to follow.

'God, he can test the patience of a saint,' Sakura thought and shook her head. It was hard for her to reign herself in, but beating the shit out of him right now wasn't an option. After heaving a sigh she headed for the training grounds.

To say that the students were beside themselves was an understatement; they were bouncing around and chatting excitedly. Telling them to sit still would be beyond cruel, and Sakura couldn't help but smile softly at their behavior, since it reminded her strongly of her academy time and how they had acted before classes they loved. She waited until they all were silent and Kakashi explained what he wanted them to do.

Within a blink of an eye she felt like the twelve year old again, who had listened to exactly the same explanation. The irony tasted bitter that today like back then he had to walk on crutches. A faint smile graced her lips as she saw the stunned awe of Irukas' students, knowing exactly how they felt. It was indeed impressing if you witnessed the calm and composed demeanor of an injured Kakashi while he walked towards and up a tree as if it was nothing. Some of the kids even shrieked when he stopped walking, fearing he would fall down for sure, but instead he continued with his explanation upside down on a rather thin branch utterly unfazed.

'Show-off,' Sakura thought without malice, but that's how he was, leading through example.

As he was finished with his explanation and was back on solid ground he handed out the kunai, since the academy had a strict no-weapons policy; they were allowed only for training and the students had to use academy's property, bringing their own was prohibited. For good reason.

Sakura sat down and kept her eyes on the kids. Like in every class you had a handful that picked it up immediately and were able to implement what they just learnt, others tried and some fooled around. Though the latter stopped as soon as they noticed that no one paid attention since they were too focused on trying to do what Kakashi had just shown.

Usually you had to admonish them to pay attention, but today Sakura had to order them to take a break. Seeing them all so focused on their task was refreshing, surely something that would cheer Iruka up when she told him this afternoon, but they needed to be held back from overdoing it. It was just Tuesday, and Sakura could only guess how the week would go on and end.

Only twice she had to correct a few of them, otherwise they were doing fine. Sadly that left her with too much time to think. A side glance towards Kakashi left her frowning; he was just as indifferent as he had been yesterday evening. He never had been much of a talker, but he had never been this distant either. Even Naruto affirmed it, which kept her worrying, since he was usually the one who could bring everyone to open up.

"We'll meet right here tomorrow morning, you don't need to go to the academy or wait for us there," Kakashi said and the kids all nodded before they cheeringly went home.

"Hospital. Now," Sakura said and stared at him, daring him to refuse the demand, but he didn't.

He didn't even nod his head before he turned and started to walk. Again his reaction surprised her, but Sakura remained silent. Bitching wouldn't aid the situation, she knew that too well. Heaving a silent sigh she followed him, keeping her gaze fixed on the back of his head though she didn't really see him.

When was it that he became a stranger?

Sakura frowned at that thought, but for the moment it appeared to her that she'd best treat him just like that: a stranger. This way she could stay objective and wouldn't allow herself to treat him badly, which surely would gnaw on her conscience sooner rather than later. As they reached the hospital he allowed her to take the lead and followed her up to her treatment room.

Kakashi watched how she prepared her instruments with cold efficiency. Her fingers felt cold as she rolled up the sleeve of his sweater, and he didn't dare to look at her face as she placed the tourniquet on his upper arm. Even though he would never admit it under torture he feared what he would see there. He knew he was being an utter dickhead, but he couldn't bring himself to stop either. A small voice inside told him exactly what he would see should he actually look: blankness. That wasn't Sakura, no. Sakura was caring, Sakura was afraid sometimes, but first and foremost Sakura was alive. On her face - or at least in her eyes - he always saw emotions. Sometimes they lingered, and sometimes they only shortly surfaced, yet they were always there, one way or another. There had only been one time when she showed blankness, only once during the war, and he - like everyone who knew her - feared that she would break, break beyond healing.

Inwardly he cursed himself for going too far, for pushing her away like he did. Damn, it hurt him to do so, but keeping her close after he saw... no, that hurt even more. He knew how it felt to hold someone dear and then have to let go. Been there and back again, and once certainly was enough. He felt the swab wipe over the crook of his arm and how her finger tapped on the skin to get the vein to come forth and didn't blink as the needle pierced his skin. Kakashi kept his gaze focused on his arm, waiting for her to finish. As she placed another swab on his arm before pulling the needle back out, he finally allowed himself a small movement. She didn't have to say anything; he knew that he had to press it down.

"I'll give you the results as soon as I have them," Sakura said dismissively and he stood up.

"You know where to find me," he muttered as he walked towards the door.

"Usually," she replied just as silent. And as he was already out the door she added: "But that doesn't mean much nowadays, does it?"

"How are you doing?" Sakura asked and Iruka smiled in response.

"Actually I'm doing fine, thank you. Unlike you, it seems."

"That obvious?" she asked back and he hummed in response.

"With you? Not anymore, no. But if you're spacing out it is something to go by, it's a smart guess. What happened?"

Iruka had propped himself up on the couch and looked at her.

"Please, Sakura, be honest."

Sakura chewed on her lower lip for a while before she sighed and shook her head.

"To be perfectly honest Kakashi is driving me crazy. This morning he had been acting the prick again, and then he switched to being indifferent like yesterday when I changed his bandages. Somehow I knew how I had to handle him, but now… it's like he's slipping away."

Iruka looked at her for a long moment and watched how she wrung her fingers together, an old habit she still had and a good indicator for her inner turmoil. A soft smile graced his lips and he leant back into the cushions again.

"He'll come around," he said silently.

"I try to convince myself of that, but somehow I don't believe it. There is 'blocking out' and 'distanced'. The latter was how he always had been and the first is what he's doing now. I had the feeling that Naruto and I had managed to get past all his barriers, but right now I'm not so sure about it anymore," Sakura explained and Iruka chuckled.

"The two of you are closer to him than anybody else, trust me. Maybe that's the reason why he's acting like that. I'm sure he knows that you only have the best intentions in mind, but right now he doesn't want to see it. Kakashi is one of those people who always think the lowest of themselves; he doesn't see the value he has. To him – I guess – it's incomprehensible why anyone wants to make a fuss about him."

"You think that's why?" she asked and he shrugged.

"It would be something I could imagine," he said. "I may know him longer than you do, but you know him better."

"But you are good at reading people, better than we are," Sakura pointed out.

"Ever heard about something called 'female intuition'?" Iruka joked and she smiled slightly.

"Yeah, rings a bell."

"Don't wreck your head about his behavior, you won't find an answer yourself. You'll only understand him should he decide to explain, and knowing that he can be rather stubborn I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. Just keep doing what you're doing now, that'll help him the most."

"I do my best. I decided to treat him like any other patient, it's hard but it allows me to stay objective. Let's just hope this doesn't go on forever," Sakura sighed and Iruka laughed out.

"Na-ah, I don't think so. He likes you too much. Don't project his antics on yourself, that's solely him."

"Alright, I'll trust you on that. Now, aren't you curious about your students?" she teased and then lapsed into a centralization of what and how they were doing.

As she was finished he sat there with a smirk and she cocked a brow at him.

"What?"

"You do realize that you are raising the bar for me, don't you?" he asked amused.

"Oh, I haven't thought about that," she ducked her head and he laughed again.

"Never mind, Sakura," he smiled softly. "I'm proud of my students. It's good to hear that they not only understand what you explain to them, but that they are also able to implement it. Tsunade-sama chose wisely."

"Ah…" Sakura muttered and blushed. "We only try to not disappoint you."

"You're doing well," Iruka reassured her. "But if I may give you some advice? Don't start to doubt yourself and your course of action. Stay firm and he'll come around, he only needs time."

"I will try, but it's hard," she said silently.

"You're stronger than that, Sakura. If anyone is able to stand strong and wait, it's you."


	8. Chapter 8

On her way back towards the hospital Sakura was lost in her thoughts again. Iruka had made a point about Kakashi's behavior, but still she wasn't fully convinced. After all that she had seen from him the last week.

Heaving a sigh she shook her head, wondering wouldn't aid her in the slightest. She walked past the nurse at the entrance and nodded her head in greeting before she marched straight up to the lab to see if the results were already there. The lab technician handed her the form without looking up from his work, he worked with Sakura long enough to know when she wasn't in the mood for chatter. And since he had read the name of the patient on the vials he knew that she would want the results ASAP.

"Anything else?" she asked after quickly looking over the form, only looking at the important boxes.

"I'm not finished yet, but I'd say that's enough," he replied dryly.

"Yes, the markers are too high…"

"I'm still running a search for antibodies, if you can wait a few minutes I might give you more."

"Alright," Sakura replied and leant against the wall, taking her time to fully read through the status.

A low hiss of the technician brought her out of her thoughts and she looked up.

"What is it?" she asked, already having a bad feeling.

"Nasty little bastards," was the muttered reply. "Found some resistant germs. Pseudomonas aeruginosa, not in high concentration, but they're there."

"Shit," Sakura cursed. "Thanks. But that's all, I hope?"

"Yes. Anything else you need me to do?"

"No, thank you."

Still cursing under her breath Sakura left the lab and went down to the hospital pharmacy, picking up the necessary antibiotics. With the meds packed into a white paper bag she left the hospital and headed towards Kakashi's.

'Just what I need right now,' she thought while turning into Kakashi's street. 'Wasn't Iruka getting poisoned enough?'

Inwardly she prepared herself for being ignored again; she wouldn't put it past him to simply not open the door even though he said he'd be home. Sakura heaved a sigh and then went up the stairs where she stopped at Kakashi's door. For a moment she hesitated but then knocked and waited. She heard his limping footsteps and after another short break the door opened.

"What is it?" he asked, feigning disinterest.

"Not out here," she insisted and with a sigh he let her enter.

Sakura had been in his apartment several times over the last couple years, but it never looked like this. She stopped after a few steps and looked around. Her eyes narrowed and she slowly turned around to glare at him.

"Do you have any explanation for the mess?" she asked icily and he glared back defiantly.

"Since when is _**this**_ your concern?"

"Since _**you**_ made it my concern," Sakura bit out and then took a calming breath.

"So… want to comment a little more on my apartment?"

"There are too many things that come to my mind right now that I can't decide on what to say," she muttered under breath.

"Come again?" he asked and tilted his head slightly to the right.

"Don't tempt me," Sakura said out louder. "Is any of your pack sick?"

"Wha… why?"

"Don't question me, give me an answer!"

"I don't know," Kakashi bit out and Sakura clenched her fists, nearly ruining the bag she still held.

"You….! Ah… exasperating!"

Normally they would burst out laughing, but right now they were both too caught up in their anger at each other.

"Now… you take your pack to Inuzuka Hana and let her check them. Especially their ears," Sakura easily slipped into her doctor-mode. "It's good that you wear your mask, you shouldn't get close to anyone. I'll tell you more when you're back."

"What are you…?"

"Leaving you in such a dump wouldn't aid your healing process. Now get out!"

For a moment it appeared as if he wanted to protest, but then he turned on the spot and left, though he slammed the door to mark his point. Sakura let out a low frustrated scream and went into the kitchen, well, she wanted to but stopped in the doorway. She saw the shards of what once was a teacup and sighed.

"Just a big kid," she muttered, recalling her previous conversation with Iruka.

Sakura left the kitchen to make herself a picture of the current state of the apartment and as expected it didn't get any better. Usually he kept his apartment neatly organized, this was so not him. Deciding the kitchen was a good place as any to start she cleaned off the table in the corner and put down the meds, before she set to work. Being angry at him helped her, so it took only about ten minutes before the kitchen looked presentable again. Next on her list was the living room, but that took her longer. The whole room smelled so much like wet dog she had to open the windows to not fall unconscious. Sakura only shortly peeked into the sleeping room, but that was surprisingly unscathed by the messy state the rest of his apartment had been. She had just finished the bathroom and started the washing machine when he returned.

He paused in the door for a moment, before he decided to finally enter.

"Sit," Sakura said and just as he was about to protest her glare darkened significantly.

Kakashi was stubborn but not stupid, so he limped into the living room and sat down. Sakura followed him and dropped the paper bag in his lap.

"Which one?" she asked and he frowned. "Don't make me ask again."

"Ūhei," he answered truthfully and she heaved a sigh. "How did you know?"

"I'm a medic and we have good technicians in the lab. You have a supra infection with pseudomonas aeruginosa, which is a germ that causes otitis media by dogs. You're giving me a solid headache," Sakura explained and he looked at her, his eye narrowed.

"Why would I?" he asked sarcastically and Sakura snapped.

She slammed her hand down on the backrest beside his head and bent forward, her nose barely an inch from his.

"Don't start that with me again, you stubborn mess of testosterone," she seethed, barely containing her anger.  
>"I worry at least as much for you as I worry for Iruka! And now, thanks to your pigheadedness I have to find out, that you suffer from a supra infection! A nasty one, at that! I can't understand how you allow yourself to get in such a… shabby state?!"<p>

Kakashi decided not to say anything and simply glared at her defiantly.

"God, I don't know what to say anymore!" Sakura called out and pushed herself away from the couch. "I'm at my wits' end with you."

"Stop making such a fuss," he said dryly. "This doesn't concern you."

"It doesn't?" she asked incredulous and stared at him. "How can you consistently be so obtuse?"

He continued to glare and she sighed and turned away.

"I told you repeatedly. Should I write it on your walls? Do I have to dance it? Or sing it? Damn it, Kakashi! Your life has value, maybe not to you, but to us… to me. You want to get out of here? Take your meds, keep your apartment clean and avoid stress," Sakura said, trying to calm herself. "No alcohol and a healthy diet. I'll check your blood status again in two days."

With that she turned around and left. She couldn't take his attitude anymore.

Still angry and a little confused Sakura decided to go for a walk, and simply strolled through the streets. Usually it helped her to clear her mind, but at the moment she wasn't sure what she expected. Part of her wanted to believe Iruka, that it was just a temporary problem that would solve itself as soon as he was well again. But another part told her things had changed, permanently.

She stopped at the bridge they used as a meeting point during her Genin days and looked down at the water below. Her reflection showed her clearly how much time had passed and how many things had changed. The bright smile had dimmed, the naïve gleam in her eyes had vanished and the childish round forms of her face had changed to more defined female lines. And the dark bags under her eyes were obvious signs of her adult worries.

Sakura heaved another sigh and rubbed her eyes. She felt so weary of it all. The prospect of visiting Suna got more enticing each day.

"Hey Forehead!"

Sakura's head snapped up and she looked around. Her blond friend jogged towards her and grinned widely.

"Hey Ino."

"Uh, I sense trouble," Ino said when she reached her.

"So to speak, though you seem in high spirits." Sakura replied and Ino hummed.

"Yes, well… guess who's going on a date!" Ino chirped and Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Again? You had been utterly devastated after the last one."

"This will be totally different, silly. It's with Shikamaru!"

"Finally." Sakura replied relieved, but her expression didn't match her tune.

"Look who's devastated. What's wrong?" Ino asked and leant against the handrail.

The sincere worry on her friend's face was touching, but at the moment all Sakura felt was the inexplicable need to run and hide.

"Kakashi. Again. I know that I've been lamenting about him for the last couple weeks, but every time we speak the urge to strangle him gets bigger." she muttered and Ino let out a laugh.

"Speak? Hell, Forehead, the last time you were talking about him you were ready for murder. In your case I think when you say 'speak' you mean 'yell'. I already told you he's more trouble than he's worth. What's it now?"

"Ino, that's cold even by your standards. He has no one to care for him but us," Sakura said and let her head hang.

She watched how a few leaves drifted by in the current of the river and then gently shook her head.

"I think he's given up on himself at some point. I don't know when, but it appears just so. I had him at the hospital earlier today for a blood status. After checking up on Iruka I went there to get the results. He has a supra infection, and the germs have to be taken seriously. They alone would cause serious trouble in an otherwise healthy person, thus in his current state they worry me. The risk of him infecting others is nearly zero, thanks to that damned mask and the fact that he keeps everyone at a distance. His whole apartment had been a mess, and I really mean a mess. I cleaned for over an hour."

For a moment Ino was silent, but Sakura knew it wouldn't stay that way.

"Wait, let me get this straight. You went to him and you cleaned for him? What are you? His maid?"

Sakura was about to comment that her choice of words probably wasn't the best, considering his reading habits, but she kept it to herself.

"Seriously, Sakura, you're behaving like a mother hen. How often have you told him already that you care for him and he still doesn't believe it? Screw that, Forehead, you deserve better!"

Ino glared at her and Sakura sighed.

"Don't get me wrong, I think its proof of your good heart that you care for him. But if he keeps shoving you away, maybe you should simply let go."

"I can't," Sakura replied. "I just… can't."

"And why? If it hurts you like that…"

"Ino… If I let go, it means letting go of the last precious piece of our past. I can't. He's been there for me; I have to return that favor."

"I don't think he appreciates your efforts," Ino muttered silently and Sakura sighed again.

"I understand him. Imagine you come home from a mission, beaten up and injured, and don't get healed like usual; only get bandaged and then shoved away."

Both looked at the river and remained silent for a long while, simply watching the water flow by.

"I only hope he's worth it, Sakura," Ino said after a few minutes and her friend hummed.

"Me too. So, how is this date going to be different?" she changed the subject and Ino chuckled.

"Smooth, Forehead."


	9. Chapter 9

Here we go with some extra 'nice' banter. :) Hope you enjoy.

* * *

><p>Sakura went home on a much lighter note than she would've thought. Ino always was a reliable source for distractions. At home she decided to take a bath before she went to bed. That night she slept without nightmares, but her dreams weren't peaceful ones either. She couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that Kakashi allowed himself to degenerate like this. At least Iruka was better; he recovered faster than she would've thought, so maybe he'd be out and about sooner than she anticipated.<p>

During breakfast she tried to make heads and tails of her dreams, but didn't get very far. Sakura was glad that they were out on the training grounds this week, so she wouldn't have to think about what to teach the kids.

They continued with the tree climbing and Sakura was surprised to see how fast they caught on, but then again, they were Iruka's students. Every now and again she looked at Kakashi, and if she was honest he looked worse for wear than he let on. Maybe she should tell Tsunade. He should be resting and not straining himself, besides the risk of infection for the students was there too.  
>'Well, I was in a bigger risk yesterday then they are right now, with the mask, the fresh air and the distance…,'she thought and heaved a sigh.<p>

"Don't even think about it," he said and she nearly jumped in surprise.

"About what?" she asked back.

"Telling Tsunade," Kakashi replied dryly.

"How could you…"

"Please, Sakura, don't take me for an idiot." he said cynically.

"Tell me one reason why I shouldn't report it," Sakura said and glared at him.

Kakashi stared back, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists. She sighed again and then shook her head.

"I won't tell her, provided that you act reasonable," she said and he narrowed his eye.

"And how, pray tell, do you define _**reasonable**_?"

Sakura decided to not take the bait, though it was hard, really hard.

"Keeping your apartment clean and your pack healthy would do, for starters. Taking your antibiotics and getting enough sleep is also on the list," she said and he snorted.

They fell silent again and watched the students. She'd bet they'd never shown such commitment to their school work before.

"I think I can do that," he muttered after a while and Sakura laughed humorlessly.

"Really?" she drawled. "That I've seen."

"Why do you make such a fuss about it?" he asked crankily.

"Because you need it! During the last few years you have always been reasonable and acted the grown up you are. Since I bandaged you up you're acting like a pissed-off and overly stubborn child, and not like an adult! If you're this angry at me for not healing you, then for heaven's sake say so! Yell at me if it makes you feel better, but don't act like an insufferable ass like you're doing now!"

The students stopped dead in motion and stared at her. To her luck they didn't hear what she said, only the volume had made them perk up.

"Please, continue. We… just had a little argument. Nothing you need to worry about," she reassured them, and as they finally continued she turned back to Kakashi, only to see that he had walked away a few meters.

'Oh no, you're not getting away that easily! Not this time!' she thought angrily and stomped after him.

"I'm not done with you yet," Sakura hissed and he snorted, before he laughed dryly.

"Oh? I don't see why I should listen to you yelling at me again," he stated and Sakura had to refrain from slapping him.

"What you need is someone beating some sense into that stubborn head of yours!" she bit out.

"Let me guess, you'd volunteer," he replied and glared at her.

"You can bet your masks I would; all the others would just turn tail and run."

"Oh, well why don't you go ahead then?" Kakashi mocked her and Sakura gritted her teeth.

"Don't tempt me, I don't want to hurt the students. Beating you black and blue would entail collateral damage," she seethed. "Grow some balls and just tell me what pisses you off."

"You don't want to hear that," he growled and Sakura laughed out and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Try me, grandpa."

Somehow that did it and something inside him snapped.

"What pisses me off is the fact that apparently you are bribable!" he hissed and pointed at the chakra crystal.

Then faster than Kakashi thought Sakura capable of moving, she had slapped him before he could even think about dodging or catching her hand. Sakura was shaking and tears were stinging in her eyes.

"How dare you," she whispered tunelessly and then yelled. "How dare you!"

Kakashi stood there, rooted to the spot and his head still tilted in the direction her hand forced him.

"We are done," Sakura spat, turned and then left.

The whole exchange happened too fast for the students to grasp, which at least saved him a little of his dignity.

Now he had done it, he had pushed her too far.  
>'Fuck!' he thought and refrained from touching his burning cheek. He was lucky she didn't use chakra to boost her hit, that would've crushed his bones, but no less it stung. Kakashi forced the thoughts into the back of his mind and focused on the kids around him, continuing as if nothing had happened.<p>

.

.

Sakura went up to the Hokage tower, not seeing or hearing anything around her. Not that anyone would've dared to talk to her right now. Naruto saw her from afar and was about to ask her something, but as he saw her expression decided that it wasn't that important and disappeared out of sight. She needed to talk with Tsunade. Still seething with anger she went up to her office, but on the way she bumped into Shizune.

"Sakura, what…," the brunette started.

"Where is she?" Sakura asked and the tone in her voice made the other woman frown. "Shizune, where?"

"Hospital, she wanted to check up on Iruka," Shizune replied silently. "Sakura, what… hey! Wait! What is going on?"

"I need to leave, and I need to leave now. I'll murder him if I don't go," the pink haired girl replied and the older woman winced.

"Put his foot into his mouth again?" she asked and Sakura snorted.

"Oh, he's far more flexible than just that, he manages the feat with his head up his…," Sakura broke off and took a deep breath.  
>"Hospital you said?"<p>

Shizune just nodded and Sakura turned around again. When she was gone the brunette let out a long pained sigh. She feared that Tsunade's plan could backfire, but for it to go so badly…

The nurse at the reception was fast to point Sakura in the direction the Hokage had gone and all of the staff she passed made room for her quickly. She knocked at the door to the treatment room once and then entered. Iruka just put on his pullover again and a short look at him was enough to tell her, that he felt ways better than he had yesterday. But he paled as he saw her expression and even Tsunade shortly frowned and pursed her lips.

"Sakura, what…," the Godaime started but Sakura cut her off, something she'd never done before.

"You need to let me go, I _**need**_ to go. And I need it yesterday," she said, barely containing her anger.

"Iruka is nearly recovered, he can start on Monday, you'll have to…," Tsunade started but Sakura shook her head.

"No," she said icily. "I agreed with your proposal because I saw the reason you had, I agreed even though I feared how he could react. Until today I tried to deal with it, with him, but I can't do that anymore. I just can't."

"It's only three days," Tsunade said. "What could possibly happen?"

"I will kill him," Sakura growled. "If you force me to go back I will kill him, and it will be your fault!"

Iruka winced; he hoped his friend hadn't said something he couldn't make amends for. But Sakura's expression was enough to tell him, that Kakashi had crossed a line. Tsunade saw that as well. All the time she spent training her, gave her some insights into Sakura's character. And the pink haired Kunoichi was strong, in so many ways, but to see her as riled up as she was now told her, that something big had happened.

"I'll send a message, you may leave tomorrow evening. So that they can at least send someone to meet you at the border. I'll find someone to accompany you," the Hokage assured her and Sakura relaxed a little.

"You should look into his patient's records, he needs a check up on Thursday," she said all business-like, as if her outburst had never happened. "And I think it would best if you did it, not Shizune or Mitate."

Tsunade only hummed and Sakura turned around to leave. She was already halfway through the door, when the Godaime called after her.

"Sakura, don't do anything rash."

"I'll try, that's all I can promise."

With that she was gone.

"That idiot," Iruka muttered and let his head hang.

"Tell me about it," Tsunade stated and heaved a sigh. "Do you have any idea what's going on?"

"I fear your plan has failed," he said and the Godaime laughed out humorlessly.

"You don't say."

"That's not what I wanted to express," he defended himself. "Kakashi didn't take it well. I think he feels pushed aside and cast out. I know that you wanted to achieve just the opposite, Sakura had told me about it, and I thought he would come around."

"Apparently his pride got in his way, huh?" she asked and Iruka heaved a sigh.

"Not in all the years I've known Sakura, have I seen her so… beside herself. Next to Ino, Kakashi is probably the only one who could throw insults at her without fearing to pay a high price afterwards. I fear he crossed a line, this time he might have gone too far," the Chunin muttered and Tsunade sighed again.

"I hoped he would come to his senses. I hoped that Sakura would be able to wake him up, apparently I was wrong. Who could talk some sense into him? You?" she asked and he shrugged.

"I could try, but I wouldn't bet on it," Iruka said honestly and the Hokage sighed again.

"Had I known…"

"Sakura will come back," he said reassuringly. "She will come back."

.

.

Sakura was still boiling with rage as she threw together the things she needed for her trip to Suna. How dare he insult her like that? How dare he?! As she had closed her door behind herself she finally allowed her tears to fall.

"That idiot," she sobbed as she packed her backpack. "Why would he say something like that? Why?"

Naturally there was no one to answer that for her, not that she wanted to talk with anyone at the moment. As she was finished packing and her anger ebbed away she felt strangely empty. And hurt, to be honest. Who was she kidding? Sighing she sat down on her couch and stared out of her living room window without actually seeing anything. Why did it hurt her so much? She had been accused of many things during the last couple years. Most of the things were being stubborn and adamant, Ino even once called her frigid. She had yelled at her, but hadn't felt as hurt as she did now. She wasn't bribable.

Again she sighed and sunk back, her head lolling back and stared at the ceiling. When did he start acting like… and then it hit her. He had tried to play the injured card, his version of puppy eyes, as he stopped by. But he hadn't argued, no. Only as he saw the crystal was he in a hurry to leave. Back then she was wondering what it was that made him act like that, but could it actually have been that simple? Was he that stirred up over a present?

A shy knock against her door ripped her out of her thoughts.

"Whoever you are, leave!" she shouted, not even making an effort to see if she knew the chakra signature.

"I just want to talk!" Iruka called out and she heaved a sigh. She could lock out Ino and Naruto, but never him.

"Coming!" she called back and dragged herself up from the couch and to the door.

As she opened the door she saw his worry crease on his forehead and sighed. Usually this expression was solely reserved for Naruto. Sakura stepped aside to let him enter, before she went into her living room again.

"You don't need to worry," she said defensively and he shook his head.

"Sakura, you've always been a calm and composed person, even around Naruto – the occasional outburst aside – and I have never seen you this worked up. What happened?" Iruka asked and she shook her head.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said again, though her voice sounded strained.

"Would you rather talk with Ino? I could ask her to come over," he offered but Sakura shook her head.

"No, Ino has a very clear opinion about Kakashi. And following her suggestions would have him ending up in hospital, so that's not an option," she said and looked out of the window again.

"What did he say that hurt you so much?" he asked softly.

"He said I was bribable," she replied tuneless and he gasped.

"He did what?!"

"You heard me quite right," Sakura said and frowned, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall again. She didn't want to cry again, not because of him anyway.

"Where did he get such ideas?" Iruka asked unbelievingly.

"Because of this," Sakura dropped the crystal into his lap. "Temari brought it the last time she had been here. Gift from Kankuro, he wanted to thank me for saving his life back then. It was as he learned from whom I got it, that he changed his behavior."

"Such a…," Iruka started but broke off and looked at the crystal.

"Call a spade a spade. He's an idiot, and that is putting it lightly," Sakura muttered and shook her head.

"What did you do?" Iruka asked and she snorted.

"What do you think I did?" she asked back. "I slapped him. Once. Without chakra. I don't think your students saw it."

Iruka stared at her. A part of him refused to accept what he had just heard and he frowned, while he lightly shook his head.

"I did," Sakura said again. "And then I left. It's not the first time he acted like a prick, please excuse my choice of words, but I'm still too angry to actually care."

For a moment the two of them remained silent and Sakura turned to stare out the window.  
>'Why did he act like that? Why?' she thought, it simply made no sense to her.<p>

"I guess I know why," Iruka said softly, it was easy for him to read her thoughts right then.

"And why? I've been wondering about it for days, but found no answer."

"He cares for you, Sakura," he said and she snorted. "Please, don't brush that off so easily. I know it's hard to believe that at the moment, but think about it for a second. You are one of the few people he allows close enough to actually scratch the surface of his being. Others that he has cared for are gone. Perhaps he fears he might lose you too?"

"And why would he think that? Konoha is my home, I'd never turn my back on the village," Sakura said.

"Maybe," Iruka muttered. "But that's not the point. You are a young and beautiful woman, you wear a necklace that's worth more than either of you could earn in three or four years and you received it from the Kazekage's brother. What is he to think?"

"It's just a gift," she frowned and shook her head.

"Not a simple one like flowers or a book," he said and smiled slightly. "I… know that he can be very difficult and downright exasperating at times, I dealt with that a lot up to now. And I honestly think it's a fear he hasn't acknowledged yet that has him acting like this."

"Are you sure it's not just his injured pride?" Sakura asked. "Because that seems to be more likely."

"That might be part of it as well," he replied. "I know that I'm asking a lot of you, Sakura, but I've watched the two of you closely each time we are together. You have the most influence on him, not Naruto or me. Since Asuma's death you are the only one close enough to have any sort of impact. Don't give up on him, please. If you do, there's nothing anyone of us can do for him."

"You really are sticking up for him, aren't you?" she asked and he hummed.

"We are all just as strong as our weakest link," he pointed out and she sighed.

"Iruka, I know that you mean well, but right now I'm just too angry with him. We both know that I will come around eventually, but what I need right now is distance, the farther the better," she said wearily and he shortly smiled.

"I know," he said softly. "Dealing with pigheaded people wears you out. Take your time, calm down but please, don't give up on him. He's a difficult person, but not a hopeless case."

"Yes, you are right," she sighed. "And believe me, deep down I know that, but his accusation today was the last straw."

"I understand, and all I ask of you is to try."

"I will. After my stay in Suna," Sakura said and smiled tiredly.

"Alright," Iruka said and got up. "I won't bother you further. Tsunade is at her wits' end with him. Genma will fill in for you till Friday, so at least he's taken care of."

"I doubt that anyone could ever really take care of him," Sakura sighed and followed her former teacher to the door. "Am I allowed to ask you a question?"

"Sure, why not?" he asked back as he put on his shoes.

"How can you bear all our worries? You look at us and immediately see what's going on. How can you carry that all without breaking?" she asked and he shortly smiled, a little sad, she figured.

"Because no one else does," he replied. "I see what we all try to cover. Naruto sees as well, though he approaches the whole thing in a different way. You have to hit rock bottom and stand back up to understand what we can see and feel. And I have the feeling that Kakashi never really recovered from his fall."

Sakura frowned. She had never looked at the whole situation from that angle.

"Thank you for not giving up on us," she said and his face lit up.

"That's what I'm here for," he winked and Sakura laughed, heartfelt this time.

"Yeah, family, right?" she asked. "Take care of yourself, I don't want to come home and find out that you overworked yourself."

"No need to worry. I'm afraid you two have advanced my class far enough so I could sit back for four weeks and do nothing. It'll be hard for me to keep them entertained, like I said, you raised the bar quite high for me," he chuckled and she smirked.

"And like I said, your class has a reputation to lose. I'll stop by when I come home."

"Do that. And don't over think the whole situation. Label it as the outburst of a deeply insecure man, even though he'd never admit it. He just doesn't know how to deal with this kind of emotion, cut him some slack. Good night Sakura."

"Good night Iruka, and thank you."

Sakura closed the door and sighed. What a mess.


	10. Chapter 10

Hey, here comes the next one. Sorry that it took me so long, but I'm right in the middle of a Mass Effect 3 play-through, and damn, it's just too interesting to stop. :)

* * *

><p>In her dreams she repeatedly slapped him and in the morning Sakura felt like she had been hit by a freight train; too much worrying and not enough sleep. The whole day she busied herself within her apartment, preparing it for her absence. She knew that Naruto would take care of her plants, so there was no need for her to worry. At six in the evening there was knocking at her door and she lifted her backpack and went to see who was there.<p>

"Hey Sakura," Izumo greeted her. "Kotetsu and I will accompany you till we reach the border."

"Evening Izumo." Sakura said smiling. "Let's go." She added before she locked the door behind herself.

Kotetsu had waited down on the street and nodded his head in greeting. Sakura's outburst from yesterday had quickly made its way round the village and he didn't want to piss her off further.

Sakura kept to herself for most of the trip, unaware of the discomfort that hung around her two colleagues. Despite the uneasiness that hung in the air the short trip passed uneventful. When the border came into view Sakura's mood elevated as she spotted Temari. Sakura couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face.

"What took you so long? I've been waiting since yesterday." the blond Kunoichi said and Sakura chuckled.

"I didn't expect you to be so quick." she stated and the two women hugged.

"Well, we were all looking forward to your visit." Temari explained.

"Alright, thank you for accompanying me." Sakura said to Temari. She then turned to Izumo and Kotetsu with a smile of her face. "And would you please do me a favor? Tell Naruto that I left, he always takes care of my plants."

"Sure thing, Sakura," Kotetsu assured her. "Stay safe."

"You too."

The two women watched them disappear and as soon as they were out of hearing range Temari turned to look at her friend.

"So shoot, Why the haste?"

"Am I that obvious?" Sakura asked back.

"Yes, trouble at home?" Temari asked again and Sakura hummed.

"So to speak, it has been a… rough couple weeks since you left."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"Iruka got poisoned and barely made it home alive. Now he's nearly fully recovered, but with some relapses. And then there's Kakashi." Sakura sighed and Temari arched a brow.

"That perverted former sensei of yours?" she asked and Sakura snorted.

"He isn't that bad," she defended half-hearted and Temari laughed.

"Really?" Temari asked sarcastically. "What's the matter with him?"

"He's acting more than just irresponsible, the injuries he sports after missions are accumulating, and their seriousness increases. What started with a few scratches and strain from overuse of the Sharingan is now more like a collapsed lung and several broken bones. We tried to talk some sense into him, but he outright refuses to listen, so we tried a different approach. And it failed, just like expected. So long story short, he's acting like an insufferable ass and to prevent myself from doing something I'd regret sooner rather than later I left." Sakura answered honestly and Temari sighed.

"Well, now you're here and you don't have to worry about that. Shall we?"

"Ready when you are," Sakura replied with a smile.

"Then let's get going."

.

.

.

They reached the village four days later, since they needed to wait for a sandstorm to pass. Kankuro was waiting at the entrance to the village, his arms crossed and tapping his foot.

"What took you?" he addressed his sister, before he winked at Sakura and smiled. "Hi Sakura. Good to have you."

"Hey Kankuro," Sakura greeted. "We got stuck in a cave."

"Sandstorm you ignorant fool." Temari snapped, but he ignored her.

"Good that it didn't keep you longer. Pretty ladies shouldn't sit in caves." Kankuro winked with a slight smirk.

Sakura couldn't help but blush and Temari rolled her eyes, unseen by her friend, but her brother noticed. The corners of his lips twitched upwards in amusement and then he gestured towards the Kazekage tower.  
>"Gaara is waiting." he said and Sakura nodded her head.<p>

"Stop leering at her," Temari hissed in her brothers' ear as she passed him.

"I'm just being nice." he whispered back and then hurried to catch up with the pink haired Kunoichi.

The meeting with Gaara was short, he welcomed her to Sunagakure and told her to acclimate herself before they would discuss the training program. Sakura handed him a list of herbs they would need for the training and he said he would see to it that they had everything she needed. After that Kankuro quickly volunteered to show their guest the apartment they had prepared for her.

.

.

.

"If you need anything, just let me know." he said as she looked around the rooms.

"I should be fine. Though you could show me around town," Sakura said and he smiled.

"Would be my pleasure."

Sakura smiled, grabbed her bag and followed him out onto the street once again.

"You haven't had something decent to eat yet, have you?" he asked and she shook her head in the negative.

"No, just provisions. We wanted to reach the village before another storm hit." Sakura replied and he hummed.

"Yeah, we had three in the last two weeks, though I had hoped you'd reach us before the last storm."

"Well, we did hurry, but there's only so much you can do," she pointed out and he nodded.

"True. So, you up for some barbecue?" Kankuro asked.

"Definitely." Sakura accepted.

On the way to the restaurant he had in mind they talked about chakra control. Each of them was a master of their trade, though they used it for different purposes. He took her mind off of the recent events that bothered her; it had been a while since she had been as free from her worries as she was now.

"I see you received my gift." Kankuro said nonchalantly and Sakura turned beet red.

"Yes and you shouldn't have. It's… I'm not sure if I can really accept It." she quickly said and he laughed out.

"Of course you can accept it. You played a great role in the rescue of my brother and you saved my life. I think I owe you that much. Besides, we both know how… exhausting our specific chakra use can be sometimes. If a life would depend on it, I rather have you have a reserve."

"I still don't feel very comfortable with it, but if you insist I'll keep it." Sakura said, still a light blush coloring her cheeks.

"Yes, I insist. I know how expensive they can be, but if you know where to find them and know people who can work on them…," he trailed off, noticing how embarrassed she still was.

"Listen, Sakura, you do great work. I don't know how many lives you've saved by now, just take it as a token of gratitude and leave it at that, ok?" Kankuro asked his voice sober.

"Ok," she slowly said. "Thank you."

"Besides, I think it suits you."

"You're too kind," she replied with a light smile and he winked at her.

"Glad to be of service."

It was refreshing, to say the least, to have different company than at home. And Sakura had to admit that she enjoyed herself. They drifted off into light chatter; Kankuro was rather interested in how things were going in Konoha, asking about Naruto and Shino in particular. The cooperation between the two countries was flourishing and both sides profited greatly.

"Good to see that things developed like they did," Kankuro said after he had paid. "Makes things easier."

"Yes, you're right. Who would've thought… after everything that happened at the Chunin exams," Sakura nodded and he hummed.

"After everything that followed… I never thought it would be possible to reach our actual status quo."

"Most people are capable of big changes, your brother is the best example," Sakura said and he nodded.

"Yeah, I was referring to that. Though I doubt it would've happened without Naruto."

At that Sakura had to smile. Her blond friend had quite the talent, when it came to things like that.

"Good to hear that he's doing fine," Kankuro said and Sakura chuckled.

"Naruto is never just doing fine. He always goes over the top, luckily for us Hinata manages to rein him in, a talent no one thought her capable of at first. But silent waters are deep."

Kankuro nodded and then smirked.

"But not only the silent ones, right?" he winked at her and she blushed again.

"Depends on the circumstances," she said and he laughed out.

"Good to have you here. Now, like I said, if you need anything, just tell me. Sorry that I have to cut this short, I like talking to you, but Gaara wants me to attend a meeting. How about a few games of billiard tomorrow evening?

"I'd like that," Sakura said and he smiled again.

"Alright, I'll fetch you at seven. Enjoy your day," and with that Kankuro left.

Past interactions with Kankuro had left Sakura with the impression of a stubborn but uncomplicated men. It was a small shock to get to know a fun and flirty Kankuro but she found she couldn't help but like it.

Tired she went back to her temporary apartment. After a good and long bath she went to bed early and managed to sleep for twelve hours straight, this time without nightmares.

.

.

.

The next day she took her time to stroll through the village, taking in her surroundings and mapping out the area in her head. The Kazekage tower was one of three checkpoints to navigate the maze of streets. By noon she had passed two candy stores and knew what she'd bring home for Ino and Iruka.

She liked the way the people interacted with each other. Sure, in Konoha most of the inhabitants were friendly but due to the limited space here it was even more important for everyone to get along. The small voice in her head told her, that she was here to work, that the whole trip was no vacation, but Sakura muted the voice effectively. After the ordeal with Kakashi she had earned herself some days off.

Just thinking about his name had her anger flare up. It was beyond her why he accused her like that. He never had been this… irate, not once, even though he had to endure his fair share of reckless and stupid stunts from Naruto and occasionally even from her, but they never ticked him off like that.  
>'Think of something nice and friendly.' she told herself and took a deep breath to calm herself. She reminded herself of Iruka's words, everything would be set right again, she had to believe that.<p>

Evening came faster than she realized and before she noticed it was seven and Kankuro was knocking at her door. "You ready?" he asked and Sakura nodded.

"Yeah, let's go."

The gambling den he was leading her to wasn't far away, a bit more than five minutes from where she was housed, but Sakura doubted she'd find the way on her own. Mostly it was still empty, four Shinobi were playing darts in a corner, but otherwise the place was deserted. Not that she cared, crowded rooms that smelled like beer, sweat and smoke wasn't exactly what she tied together with a good time.

Kankuro set the balls and allowed her to start.

"Half are yours," she said and managed to pocket two balls, before it was his turn.

"Temari said you had trouble at home?" Kankuro asked as he calculated which ball he should hit.

"So to speak, yes," Sakura muttered.

He looked up and saw her frown.

"Want to share what's dragging you down?" Kankuro asked and she sighed.

"I'm not sure I want to bother you with It." she replied.

"I asked, didn't I?" he asked amused.

"My former senseis have been trouble." Sakura sighed again and shook her head.

"How so? I know that Hatake is a handful, but who else?"

"Iruka. He got poisoned by sarin," she replied dryly.

"Ouch," Kankuro grimaced. "That doesn't sound healthy."

"It wasn't, but that'll be another topic for the weeks to come. It hadn't been as complicated to deal with as your poisoning, but no less. Iruka is very close to a father or brother for Naruto, I guess you can imagine that it didn't make it easier."

"I assume he's fine again?" Kankuro asked and she hummed, while she watched him pocketing three balls with precision.

"Yes, he is. I wouldn't be here otherwise," Sakura replied and then lined the white ball up for her next shot. "I hate to leave work unfinished."

"I heard as much." he muttered amused and she looked up at him.

"Not all the rumors about me are true, you know." she stated just as amused and he outright grinned.

"And those would be…?"

"You'll have to find out yourself, I suppose." Sakura chuckled and sank two balls again.

She leant against the table and fiddled with her cue while Kankuro bent down to get a better angle for his next shot. Sadly his position brought other…attributes into his field of vision as he panned his next shot.

"Damn," he cursed and Sakura tsked.

"Toppled over?" she asked and he snorted.

"Highly unlikely but the view was rather distracting." he replied and she blushed again.

"I once was told it's just a matter of your focus." she retorted amused and he smirked.

"Yes, would I be bent on winning then you are certainly right. But sometimes you have to stop and admire the scenery."

Sakura shook her head but giggled.

"As long as you don't expect the scenery to lose for you…," she winked and lined the white up for the next shot.

"I expected no less," Kankuro chuckled and leant against the table. He winced as she pocketed the last three of her color.

"Eight right upper corner." she announced and watched as the black ball dropped into the pocket.

"You're good at that," he commented and Sakura shrugged.

"Tenten and I tend to play once in a while. Not all women like to watch cheesy movies or talk for hours." she winked at him and he chuckled.

"Sad, that your brand of woman isn't as common."

"Very sad indeed." she drawled and put the balls on the table again. "Your turn."

They passed the next three hours like this, lightly flirting back and forth, enjoying their time together. Sakura had to admit she hadn't felt this great in years. By the end of the evening Sakura was leading by 20:16. Kankuro had to admit that she was better than he had expected, but watching her had been worth the losses.  
>On Friday Sakura felt as if she had had a two-week vacation and informed Gaara that she intended to start the training program on Monday.<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

Here we go, next chapter. :)  
>I hope all of you had a great Christmas and are interested in a new chapter. Please enjoy!<p>

* * *

><p>Kakashi cursed himself inwardly. He had never planned on riling Sakura up this much, but he simply had to get it off his chest. But he regretted his outburst as soon as she left the training ground. Luckily the students kept focused on their training, but teaching them wasn't occupying his whole week.<p>

He had planned on stopping by her apartment, but the grapevine was fast and as he heard about her mood and unusual outburst he thought it would be better not to. Instead he went home and decided for once to not wallow in self-pity as he had done the last few days. He took his meds, cooked himself some soup and then sat down on his couch. Kakashi knew he was acting like a prick, but he somehow couldn't help himself. He felt betrayed, and that hurt far more than his injuries.

Around midnight he felt sick, really sick and decided to go to bed. He got nearly all of the side effects listed in the package insert, but didn't complain about it. Somehow he knew he deserved to feel bad.

"Ya deserve ta feel shitty," Pakkun commented the next morning. At the moment he was in his pack's bad books, since they all had to take meds as a precaution due to Uhei's infection.

"Shut your trap. Last thing I need is a know-it-all as a side dish to my breakfast," Kakashi retorted and the pug snorted.

"It was you who acted like an idiot, so don't bark at us!" the dog barked back.

"What should I have done, oh wise sage?" Kakashi bit back.

"Swallowing ya pride would have been a good approach," Pakkun replied evenly. "I had been talking with her, she just meant well."

"I don't want to discuss that with you." He said curtly and the pug snorted again.

"Ya just don't want ta hear the truth," the dog muttered.

"This discussion is over."

"Fine! Have it your way," with that Pakkun disappeared and Kakashi glared at the spot the dog had occupied.

Hearing the truth was rarely something nice, but at the moment he hated it even more. He already dreaded the rest of the week. As he dragged himself to the training grounds he was surprised to see Genma standing at the gate, waiting for him.

"What are you doing here?" Kakashi asked him and the other man frowned.

"I'm Sakura's substitute." Genma replied evenly.

"So the Godaime doesn't think me capable to teach the wannabe's alone?" he asked sarcastically.

"I think she's afraid you'd bunk, now that the drill sergeant isn't here anymore."

Kakashi snorted and then hobbled past him and onto the training ground. Four of Iruka's students had been able to climb half a tree yesterday; he planned on teaching them how to walk on water, should they master the whole tree today.

During their lunch break Genma watched him closely, but the Copy Nin appeared to have himself in tight check.

"Can't you go bug Hikari and leave me my peace?" he asked the bandana wearing man, who snorted as a reply.

"If half of what I've heard about you and Pinkie is true, you can bet your ass that Hikari would've handed me my ass on a silver platter and thrown me out within a second if I'd acted like that. Be glad Pinkie has a tighter grip on her temper." Genma stated and shook his head.  
>"If you only would've attempted to keep your ass out of harms reach during missions none of that would've happened."<p>

"Save your wisecracking," Kakashi growled.

"Or what?" Genma asked him. "You're in no condition to dish out threats. Tsunade has you under surveillance, and I'm not the only one watching you. I can understand that you feel like shit at the moment, but pushing away those who actually care for your sorry ass isn't going to help."

"Just shut up already," He muttered and Genma snorted again.

"You're one stubborn old mule," he sighed and stood up. "Have it your way, but I wouldn't be surprised if Pinkie never wants to speak with you again."

.

.

.

That Genma didn't help him was a statement all on its own. It worried him, feeding the small nagging voice in his head that this time he had gone too far. Kakashi knew he needed to talk with Pakkun, the pug definitely knew more than he wanted to tell. But he wasn't the only one who was stubborn as a mule, because Pakkun outright refused to talk with him. He sank down on his couch like a picture of misery. Nothing went as he wanted it to, and most things he had ruined all alone without any aid. Great.

Sometime later there was knocking at his door, and though he didn't want to get up, he knew exactly to whom that persistent knocking belonged. So he dragged himself to the door and opened.

"What do you want?" he sighed.

"To set your head straight again," Iruka answered sternly and Kakashi groaned and rolled his eye.

"Is there a chance to convince you to leave?"

"No."

With a sigh he stepped aside and allowed Iruka to enter and after slipping out of his shoes he marched straight into the living room, where he put on a surgical mask as a precaution.

"You're not exactly taking good care of yourself, or so I've heard," the Chunin said and Kakashi sat down in his armchair.

"Are you here to insult me?"

"You would deserve no less," he said in his best teacher tone. "What were you thinking?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"From my students I always expect the truth," Iruka replied evenly. "Why did you do that to Sakura? Do you have any idea how… pissed off she was?"

"I know," Kakashi silently admitted. "She slapped me."

Iruka blinked and then sighed.

"I know."

"How… oh. But your students didn't see," the Copy Nin said and Iruka shook his head and closed his eyes while he sunk against the backrest.

Kakashi didn't say anything; he just sat there and looked at his feet, for once at a loss of words.

"Are you aware of what you've done?" Iruka asked silently.

"I am." he muttered just as silent.

"Why did you do that? Hell, Kakashi, talk to me! I have Tsunade breathing down my neck and I was at Sakura's yesterday evening. You have no idea what she looked like. 'Riled up' only scratches the surface. She'll be leaving today and she will be gone for at least two months, according to Tsunade."

'Eight weeks?' Kakashi thought and winced. 'Damn.'

"Calling her bribable… what were you thinking?" Iruka sounded pained.

"Have you seen that crystal?"

"Come on, you are acting as if she got a payoff from Tsunade. Or are you afraid she could stay in Suna?"

Kakashi closed his eye, the thought alone that she might consider that made him feel nauseous.

"Your silence is answer enough," Iruka said and shook his head. "I know that I have used up lots of her time the last couple weeks, but even when she was treating me she worried about you."

"It's hard to believe." Kakashi muttered and Iruka heaved a sigh.

"Shouldn't your experience of life let you know better? Sakura cares for all of us, and she always tries her best for each and every one of us. Only with you the best was never enough. Her nightmares are back, with full force. You know that her biggest worry always has been losing you."

"Then why did she agree to this boycott?"

"Do you need me to tell you the answer you already know?" the Chunin asked and gently shook his head. "Fine, if you need to hear it… She was afraid of losing you. The way you act is frightening. Sakura is afraid that you care so little for your life, that healing you would get you killed on your next mission. That's how Tsunade coaxed her into agreeing. You have shown so little regard for your life the last year that she felt compelled to put a lid on it."

Again Kakashi didn't say anything, he didn't even move.

"Kakashi," Iruka softly said. "Look at me."

Only reluctantly he lifted his head and looked at the brown haired main across from him.

"Never think that you are worthless. You are of a higher value to her than you might think. Tsunade told me a few things Sakura had told her in private, worries that haunted her for years. Sakura fears that you won't return from one of your missions and that she'd be guilty because she patched you up enough so you could go in the first place. We all know that we will continue to run in our wheel, she only wants you to be strong enough to do so. You've drained all of your reserves; you've nothing to draw from anymore. Sakura noticed. Over the last years she learned to read you quite well."

Slowly Kakashi nodded and Iruka rubbed his eyes before he pulled down his mask and looked intently at his friend.

"You have seen what a mess Ino was after Asuma's death. Sakura would be even worse, should she lose you. Just think about that for a moment."

"But why?"

"Because everyone needs someone who cares, simple as that. Don't you think you have pushed people away from you long enough?" Iruka asked, hitting one of his sore spots dead center.

"I think I've proven how unworthy I am of her attention."

"Sakura was right with calling you an idiot," Iruka softly said and then chuckled. "Come on. Both of us had a family, both of us know how it feels to love and be loved and then lose it all. You are not the only one who went through that. But you have seen that this bitterness can be fought off, even by those who never experienced the warmth of a family. None of us stands alone, Naruto made that quite clear."

"He did." Kakashi admitted silently.

"And not only him, I have seen Sakura waiting days on end next to your bed, watching all those machines and monitors like a hawk, hissing like an enraged fury at everyone who wanted her to rest. To see you suffer tore her apart, I saw that. You did her injustice, but I guess I don't have to tell you that." Iruka said and looked at his friend.

Kakashi might be older, but in this case he was no wiser. Seeing that it obviously mattered to him what Sakura thought and felt was a start.

"As for the other thing, you're jealous." he bluntly stated.

"I'm what?" Kakashi's head shot up and Iruka started to laugh.

"You were so damn obvious, sneaky is something else. I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of time until Sakura finds out as well."

"You're shitting me." the silver haired man said and Iruka shook his head.

"You're mad because the Kazekage's brother dared to give her a present you couldn't. You are mad because she went to Suna alone and you have no idea what might be going on there and you are mad because Kankuro is just in the perfect age group."

Kakashi stared at him and Iruka couldn't help but smirk.

"You think me blind? All the looks she casts your way whenever we're all together, the fact that she's defending you, watching over you… put two and two together, will you?"

"You cannot be serious." Kakashi muttered.

"I am," Iruka countered and then sighed. "Alas, I'll better be going."

"Iruka…," Kakashi started, but then stopped.

"Hey, you don't have to explain anything to me. I just came by to make sure you rethink your course of action. You are an important part of our group. I know that it's easier for you to pretend you have no strings attached, given the missions you're sent on, but you're only lying to yourself. You of all people should know that those who actually have someone or something to lose always fight the hardest." Iruka said with a small smile.

"Thank you."

The two of them shared a long look and then the Chunin nodded and turned to leave.

"She will come back though, right?" Kakashi asked as his friend had reached the door.

"She will," he reassured him, and for a second it seemed as if a big weight dropped off of the silver haired man's shoulders. "Though I'd suggest not screwing up again, when she does."

"Beg your pardon?"

"Well, I heard a rumor about shoving your foot in your mouth with your head up your… you get where I'm heading?" Iruka asked with a smirk.

"Yeah… I think I do."


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry that I kept you all waiting, but I have been rather lazy and my beta-reader had been busy. ;)  
>A short heads-up at the beginning: I have never done kite surfing myself, only watched it, but it looked awesome. So, if anyone actually does that - and thinks I've written that part horribly - please tell me how it's done and we can change it in this chapter.<p>

Like always: have fun! I'll try to be more productive the next weeks.

* * *

><p>Sakura was surprised at the sheer amount of medics that already waited for her as she entered the training classroom Monday morning. She noticed with a smile that the two medics who worked with her to save Kankuro those years back still were here and obviously eager to learn more. After greeting them all she explained the goals of their lessons and started off with the basic analyzing jutsu she used on the scroll, saving them time and the involvement of a lab technician. For Sakura it was refreshing to work with people who knew their tools of the trade and who didn't interrupt with stupid questions.<p>

So it was no surprise that the day passed quickly even though it just had felt like a few hours. While Sakura was packing together her utensils someone knocked at the door.

"Oh, Temari. I didn't see you there," Sakura greeted her. "I was still in thought."

"That I've seen," said Kunoichi chuckled. "And, what's your résumé after the first day?"

"I'm surprised, to be honest. I've seen the two Medics who helped me to cure Kankuro, but I haven't expected to have so many people here."

"Kaito and Shima had been the first to volunteer as soon as we announced the program," Temari said and leant against the doorframe, watching her friend pack the rest of her things.  
>"It seemed you left quite an impression."<p>

"I certainly hope so," Sakura grinned and then winked at her. "Raising the bar and encouraging them to reach it, that's the way to make progress."

"Don't overburden them."

"You think so low of your own people?" the pinkette asked amused.

"No. I just worry you heap too much knowledge on them in too short a time," the blonde clarified.

"Trust them. None of them asked a single question that hinted that he or she didn't understand what I talked about," Sakura stated and then went towards the door.  
>"Have faith."<p>

"I do," Temari stated flatly. "Just teasing."

"You free for dinner?"

"Are you sure you want to go out with me? I'd bet my brother would be very… eager to fill in for me."

The two women looked at each other and then burst out laughing.

"Oh, I think it's a safe assumption that he will find an excuse to show up at my doorstep anyway," Sakura winked and Temari shook her head.

"You already saw through him, I'm impressed."

"Hey, I'm no naïve academy student anymore. I'm more surprised about the fact that you're blowing the whistle on him so fast," Sakura smirked.

"I thought you might need a heads-up, but obviously that wasn't necessary," Temari chuckled.

"Are you worried for me, or for him?"

"Given your reputation I should probably fear for his safety," the blonde teased.

.

.

.

They sat in a quiet corner of a cookshop chatting about their day. Sakura noted that Temari's schedule resembled Shikamaru's a lot, though without the complaints he usually interspersed whenever he talked about it. Both enjoyed the time they spent together; they never talked about things most people would label as typical girl-topics, the two of them always were more focused on practical things, like advanced defenses or better chakra use.

"So, how do you plan to continue?" Temari asked her and Sakura leant back.

"I'll go through the needed jutsu for the rest of the week. There are a few, based on what signs the patient shows. After that I'll start with herbology and the combinations for antidotes. They should be up to date before I leave. We'll be mixing some toxins so they'll have to deal with real samples. I've already talked with Gaara, when we start that there'll be ANBU surveillance, just to be sure," Sakura explained and Temari nodded slowly.

"I understand," she said. "Every good medic has to be a good poisoner, eh?"

"Something like that," Sakura admitted. "But all things considered, it's still necessary to teach it like that. I never thought I'd encounter a sarin victim, seeing that it's rather old fashioned. But still to be expected, I guess. We'll be focusing a lot on the signs of a patient; quickly identifying the poison is paramount after all."

"It's strange to hear you talking business, you know. You always sound so… distant."

"How else would I be able to deal with it?" Sakura asked and then sighed. "I know how it is to be too… attached."

"Had been that bad with Iruka?" Temari asked cautiously.

"When you see people you deeply care about in throes like that… it's always hard. I know that it's part of the job; I know that no matter how hard you try, you can't save them all. Doesn't mean that I'm not trying though," the pink haired woman silently said.  
>"But poisons are a thing you can deal with; you have an invasion you can counter. But there are enough things you're helpless against."<p>

"Like what? Blocked chakra flow?"

"No. I was thinking more along the lines of lost love for life. You can cure a body, you can provide aid and try to help with mental scars, but if someone has obviously given up, it doesn't matter what you do. It'll always be in vain."

The frown on Sakura's forehead was so deep that for a moment Temari thought it would stick. She knew the look in her friend's eyes; she knew when she was blaming herself for things she couldn't change.

"You are still trying to solve a problem you can't fix," she pointed out silently and Sakura sighed, before she looked out of the window.

"With time I thought things would change. I thought how we all feel about each other would be clear, obvious and plain for all to see, but apparently I was so wrong about that," Sakura muttered.

"You're still going on about that perverted former sensei of yours?"

"How can I not? It's the only unsolved problem I have left, if you wish to call it like that. With Naruto around it's usually the other way round, people leaving their depressions, and not maneuvering themselves deeper into them. Hell, I don't know what I did wrong," the pinkette nearly wailed.

"You did nothing wrong, Sakura," Temari tried to calm her down. "You can only extend your hand and wait. He has to take it himself. Sometimes it needs a headbutt to notice."

Sakura chuckled at the remark, but then sighed again.

"Well, headbutting is not exactly my style, you know. Well… slapping usually isn't either. But damn, right at that moment it felt so good!"

Again they laughed, their conversation shortly interrupted by the waiter bringing them their food.

"So, what are you planning to do?"

"With what?" Sakura asked confused. "Kakashi? Let him stew."

"Na, I meant with your free time," the blonde chuckled.

"Well, so far Kankuro did an excellent job with distracting me. Besides, it'd be nice to simply sit down and read a good book without anyone interrupting you with loud shouts, banging against your door or simply walking in via your balcony," Sakura shortly wrinkled her nose and Temari nearly choked on her food.

She had to cough so hard that her face turned red, but after a few moments she was fine again.

"Sakura, please, if you throw something like that on me again; please give me a heads-up first. So much for privacy, eh?"

"Yeah, well… What can I say? It's sort of impossible to lock my door, when my friends need me."

"You're always looking out for _**them**_. What about you? Who's looking out for you? Come on, no downtime for you? When have you been at the cinema the last time? What was it you simply did for fun?" Temari asked and Sakura frowned.

"Um… well… I… I don't know. I read a book when you were in Konoha the last time."

"God, Sakura, really? How many pages? Three? Four, before you got interrupted?" the blonde asked and Sakura grimaced.

"Five, actually."

"Heavens! And I thought I'd restrain my brother! Well, I think I'll let him run without leash. Sakura, you need to look out for yourself a little more. You can't always play their nanny. Healing and medical assistance is alright, if it doesn't include healing a well-deserved hangover, if you know what I mean. Who's going to heal you, if you break down because of all the pressure?"

Sakura looked at her for a long while, before she cast down her gaze.

"I know you're right, but it's so damn hard. I like it to have them all around, though I have to admit that sometimes it's… tiring to hear them prattle about their petty problems. Especially when I had a rough shift and someone died under my hands."

"Then use your time here. You deserve a break and believe it or not, Kankuro knows where you can find fun around here."

"I think I'm about to find out."

.

.

.

Temari's words hit a sore spot. It was something Sakura never wanted to admit, she always thought the small voice in her head that told her to watch out for herself a little more was being too egoistic. But she was losing herself and that wasn't good.  
>She looked out of the window and sighed. It was her life in a nutshell – at least the last six years – she always took care of others, but didn't focus nearly enough on herself. It were always her friends, who were reckless and heedless and she was always picking them up. A stubborn frown settled on her forehead, damn it, she had a right to be just as reckless every once in a while!<p>

"But not today," Sakura told her empty apartment and stretched out on the couch.

Actually, not the rest the week either. But then the weekend came, and with it her first chance to do something foolish.

Shortly after breakfast it knocked at her door, and the knocking alone told her that it was Kankuro.

"Good morning, sunshine," he greeted with a smirk. "You up to no good?"

"Depends," Sakura chuckled. "And sunshine?"

"Figured you could need a little," Kankuro winked and she shook her head. "Temari told me to… be of service."

"I say," Sakura laughed. "So… and how, pray tell, are you intending to be of service?"

"You'll see. Come on, let's get dirty."

"I'm afraid to ask…" she muttered and again he winked.

"Trust me, you'll like it."

She raised a brow in doubt, but didn't voice her thoughts. Instead she put on her sandals and then followed him.  
>Sakura was surprised to see that Kankuro led her out of the village and into the desert. She saw a small group of persons standing on top of a large dune and frowned. What was he up to?<br>Meanwhile Kankuro whistled and waved as soon as they turned to look in their direction.

"I bet you're wondering what I've planned," he said with a smirk and she hummed. "Well, ever heard of kite surfing? We changed that a little, given the lack of water, you know."

"What do you…?" Sakura started, but fell silent as she saw what exactly he meant.

Obviously the group of people up there were his friends, who were already waiting for him to show up. Two of them brought their kites up in the air, and as soon as the kite caught the wind they raced over the sand. Sakura noticed the small boards beneath their feet and saw the trails their boards carved into the dunes.

"That's amazing to see," she said and he chuckled.

"We're not here to watch."

"You mean try that?" she almost sounded alarmed, which caused him to laugh.

"Well, I don't have to try. Don't worry about looking stupid, you're here for the fun, remember?"

First reflex was to argue about the injuries one could get and how unnecessary they were, but Sakura fought it. Kankuro was right, she wanted to have fun.

"Alright, show me how to do that."

Kankuro couldn't wipe the smirk off of his face. Luckily for him his friends were already occupying the dune, so he didn't have to worry about their comments and he could focus on Sakura.

"Ever went kiteflying as a kid?"

"Yes, with my dad," Sakura answered and looked at the size of the kite he unfolded. "But not that big."

"It has to be bigger, this is no child's play, but an actual piece of sports equipment," he said and she nodded, growing nervous by the minute.  
>"I'll spare you the details of what's what; I highly doubt you'll be doing that in Konoha. So, this is the trapeze, I'll help you put it on. The kite will be fixed there… in case of emergency, that's the chickenloop… if you're losing control of the kite, you can release it like that. Remember that."<p>

He easily slipped into the instructor role and even though Sakura was nervous and he was telling her too many details she couldn't help but smile. As he was fastening the belts she blushed a little, having him this close and actually having body contact was a lot different than the easy flirting last Saturday. He noticed the color creeping up her cheeks, but decided against teasing her. Instead he hunkered down and tied the board leash around her ankle. As she stepped into the loops of the board he placed his hands on her hips.

"Now to steering the whole show," he said casually and started to move her hip. "Left turn that way, right turn that way. Can you remember that?"

"Yes," she almost breathed and felt him chuckle behind her.

"So, get the kite in the wind, let the wind do its part. Don't try to hold the kite with your arms, that's why you're strapped in like that. You know how to steer the kite in and out of the breeze; bring the kite down when you're done and release it when you're about to crash. I'll keep you on the leash until you get used to it. Ready?"

"I doubt I'll ever be, but bring it on," Sakura hoped she sounded braver than she felt. But if the grin on his face was something to go by, he saw right through her.

"You'll manage," Kankuro winked and as soon as she was linked with the kite and ready to go she felt the prickling of his chakra linking with hers.  
>"Like I said, I'll help you."<p>

"Alrigh-aaah!"

Sakura hadn't thought that the wind would catch the kite that hard. Kankuro's laughter followed her the next minutes and at the beginning she felt more like a puppet, due to him steering her, but damn was she grateful for the guidance. After about half an hour Sakura felt like she could handle it and the interventions from Kankuro got fewer. One hour on the dunes and he released her. Sure, she still was sort of stiff and not as smooth as he and his friends, but hey… it was a start. And damn, that was the best thing she did the last years!


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry that it took me a while, but real life is rather... exhausting at the moment. I'll try to get the next chapter out faster.

* * *

><p>"Wow… that was amazing!" Sakura exclaimed about four hours later, as she dropped exhausted but happy into the sand at the bottom of a dune.<p>

"Glad to hear you liked it." Kankuro smirked satisfied and sat down next to her. "So… you'd be up for it again?"

"Are you kidding? Of course! But… not this weekend. I can already tell that I'm going to feel every muscle tomorrow." she grimaced and rolled her shoulders.

"How about a few beers this evening? Just sitting around doing nothing."

"Sounds good, but I need a solid base of decent food before that, otherwise I'll fall over drunk faster than you might think."

Sakura got back to her feet and dusted herself off, before she smiled down at the puppet master.

"That definitely was something new, thanks a lot."

"No problem. You were holding your own actually pretty well," he waved her off. "Sad really, I liked pulling the strings."

"I wonder why." Sakura drawled. "Anyway, I need a shower. I got sand almost everywhere."

"I know," he chuckled and started to pack away his gear.

She helped him where she could and about half an hour later they were done and made their way back into the village.

"So, what are you doing the next few hours?" Kankuro asked curiously.

"After getting rid of the sand maybe I'll read a bit. It's been a while since I could do that undisturbed."

Sakura shrugged and he frowned.

"Reading? Sounds… boring. No offense." he quickly clarified.

"None taken, Sometimes, Kankuro, boring is just the right thing. So, you fetch me at seven?" Sakura grinned and he laughed out.

"Of course, see you later."

Sakura winked at him and then turned around and left.

.

.

.

The shower and the following bath felt divine. To be honest, Sakura could already feel her muscles, but it was too damn exciting to complain about it. She didn't read very much though, she simply laid on the couch and let her mind float at ease. Quarter to seven Kankuro knocked at her door and as she opened it she was greeted by his smug smirk.

"Bored yet?" Kankuro asked amused and Sakura shook her head.

"Nope, sorry to disappoint you, but I feel very well rested. So… can we go or do you intend to make more fun of me?" she asked back and he chuckled.

"Me? Making fun of you, dear lady? Perish the thought!"

"Shush you! Now, let's go, I'm starving."

Sakura gestured down the stairs and with a mock bow Kankuro turned and started to move. She couldn't help but snicker, and then she pulled the door shut and followed him.  
>He brought her to the barbecue they had visited when she arrived.<p>

"So, is it safe to assume that you enjoyed your day?" Kankuro asked, after they had placed their orders.

"Hell yeah!" Sakura exclaimed. "That was more than fun, it was awesome!"

"Care to do it again?"

"If you're not sent away on a mission next weekend, sure," she answered with a bright smile.

"Got any plans for tomorrow?"

"Let me guess, Temari let you in on my oh-so-boring private life?" Sakura sighed and he snorted.

"She might have mentioned a few… minor… details." he admitted.

"Oh great," she grimaced.

"Hey, I'm not going to spread it around. Don't worry. And I have to admit, I can relate, to a point, at least."

"Thanks," she muttered.

While they ate they were mostly silent. Sakura was at peace with herself, a rare occurrence, and was focused on her plate. Kankuro kept shooting her glances, but the worry crease, that had been there the last time, was gone. It was a good thing to see her relaxed. Sakura was a beautiful woman, but she appeared at least ten years older, due to the stress.

As they were finished – Sakura paid this time – he showed her the way to a small pub. It reminded Sakura of Asakura's back home, but only on the first impression. It was less crowded and a lot brighter and – as she would find out during the evening – it didn't get as loud.

Kankuro stayed true to his word and ordered two beers, while he simply sat down he allowed Sakura to take in her surroundings.

"This place has a nice atmosphere." she said as she looked around.

"Yeah, not so crowded. It's a Shinobi-pub only, that's why it's rather silent."

"Well, then Shinobi in Suna must be a lot more…sophisticated. Five of my friends alone could make more noise than you have with all these people in here," Sakura said looking around the room whilst Kankuro chuckled.

"Ah, maybe we just caught a lucky day. I don't think that we are better behaved than you, though it's amusing to hear." he winked and she sighed.

"I was being honest. I see no one trying to drown out another, no drama…"

"You sound a little…disappointed." Kankuro said and Sakura sighed.

"More disappointed in my friends, I guess. Though they all like each other it's… I don't know. Sometimes it's simply embarrassing to be around them, on some days it upsets me to just be around…"

She frowned and then downed half the bottle in one go.

"Hey, easy there."

"I can handle more than I let on." Sakura smirked and he snorted.

"Beer, maybe, your friends…not so sure." he said and she sighed.

"Sounds pathetic, doesn't it?"

"No. It just sounds like they are too much for you to handle, at least on some days." Kankuro took a sip of his beer. "And given the fact that you are a very caring person – probably because you were always on the receiving end of teasing when you were younger – you try to take care of all of your friends, now that you have them, with little regard of your own peace of mind."

"You're a good analyst." Sakura stated and toyed with the neck of her bottle.

"Hey, take advice from a former outsider: they'll stay your friends, even when you stop acting like a mother hen," he winked at her and she snorted.

"Mother hen wouldn't exactly be the word I would associate myself with." she muttered and emptied her bottle.

Kankuro ordered the next round and then leant back in his chair.

"Not to put too fine a point on it, but it's quite a fitting analogy. You'll have to make a difference between the hospital – and thus work – and your private life. It took me a while to establish myself as my own person, and not the Kazekage's brother, but it was worth the effort. What's left of you and your life if you only live for others?" he asked and took hold of the new bottle.

"That's easier said than done. I think it's more like… I don't know how to do anything else." Sakura said and then sighed. "Now that sounds pathetic, even to me."

"No hobbies?" Kankuro asked, ignoring the last part.

"Besides reading? No."

"Well, I can see how you can't do dune surfing in Konoha, but how about free climbing? Without Chakra, simply body strength? And if you're not someone for extreme things, there are plenty of other things one can do. Temari is making pottery; others paint or are doing handicrafts. Cooking or baking can be a hobby too. I'm sure you're creative enough to find something," he smiled and Sakura sighed.

"Well, there are a few things that interest me, Patisserie for one." Sakura allowed.

"That's a start, isn't it?" Kankuro asked and she hummed. "So, how are our medics holding up?"

"Really good, in fact, but work? On a Saturday? Shame on you." she said and leant back in her chair.

"A sure way to get you talking," he winked and she shook her head.

"Damn, I'm too predictable."

"I wouldn't go that far," Kankuro said. "But you love your work, so it's a smart guess."

"We could talk about your puppets for a change," Sakura offered and he smirked.

"If you know about handling them, sure."

"Ouch," she grimaced and put the second empty bottle aside.

.

.

.

"Your blood status is here," Tsunade said and looked at Kakashi, who sat passively on the examining table. "Apparently Sakura started the treatment with the right dose for your medication. It looks as if you are in the clear."

"Hm," was the only answer. The blonde sighed and frowned.

"Kakashi…"

"Save it. Iruka has already given me a lecture," he said and she shook her head.

"I hope you learned your lesson." Tsunade muttered and he snorted.

"I'm doing what I'm ordered to do." Kakashi retorted. "You get what you pay for."

"I don't get paid to waste my soldiers!" she barked at him. "Why do you show so little regard for yourself? I don't understand! It's not as if you don't have anyone to return to! Stop acting like a diva and grow some b-… god."

She broke off mid-rant and closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. After taking a deep calming breath she continued.

"I don't understand how someone with your IQ can be so obtuse."

"Iruka has already talked to me, you can save your breath." Kakashi said again, a stubborn edge to his voice.

"Listen to me, you stubborn testosterone heap," she bent forward and stared at him. "If – and I really hope for you that this won't happen – if Sakura decides to stay in Suna… you'll wish you never acted like a douchebag, so help me…"

Kakashi tried to appear indifferent, but the Fifth saw through him.

"Dismissed, go home, recuperate and try to stay out of harms reach the next time."

"I'll try." he said and then hobbled out the room.

He needed a beer, screw the time. So he went to Asakura's, and on his way there he passed Hikari and Genma. The latter stopped and watched him enter the bar.

"Kari, I think I need to talk with him." he said and she sighed.

"You think he's stewed enough?" she asked and he hummed.

"Yes. The way he walked, his whole body language…"

"Do what you think you have to do. I'll go home. Don't take too long, there are some things he needs to figure out by himself."

"I know," he smirked and pecked her on the cheek. "See you later."

With a wink he disappeared into the pub, while she sighed and went home.

Genma saw Kakashi sitting at the far end of the counter, nursing a bottle of beer.

"Hey silver head," he said as he walked up to him. "Still on edge?"

"You bent on finding out?"Kakashi asked back, but as the older man sat down he had his answer.

"Gotten chewed through again?" Genma asked sympathetically.

"Mhm."

"Man, you're getting hit from all sides. But, that's what you get for acting like an ass."

"If that's your attempt at pep-talk, stow it, you're not really good at it," he muttered and Genma laughed out.

"Just wanted to point out where you're standing," he smirked and ordered a beer too.

"Say, Hikari is a hot head too, right?" Kakashi asked after a long pause.

"Depends," Genma muttered. "But if you are trying to compare her to Sakura… they have a few traits in common."

"How do you… deal with her?"

"Deal? Man, you need coaching," Genma chuckled. "The keyword is 'apologize'. If you acted like an ass, be a man and admit that you screwed up. I have no idea how things were between you two before, but Sakura isn't the type to discard you over one argument."

"I'm not so sure about that," Kakashi shook his head.

"Put your cards on the table, Hatake. If you want advice, I need to know what I'm dealing with."

"You know about the boycott?" Kakashi asked and Genma nodded.

"Yeah, Iruka mentioned it."

"I thought I could convince Sakura to heal me anyway. When I came to her… I saw her wearing expensive jewellery." he explained.

"What jewellery?" Genma asked.

"Chakra Crystal."

Genma grimaced. "Ah, I see your point. Who was the nice guy to give it to her?"

"Kankuro… the Kazekage's brother."

Kakashi looked at him, but Genma's expression went blank for a moment.

"Kakashi…" he started and shortly looked around to see if anyone was in hearing range, but besides the bartender the whole place was deserted. No wonder, given the time.  
>"I don't mean to pry, but is there more between you and Pinkie?"<p>

"What?" the silver haired man asked and stared at his friend.

"I mean, are you worried to let her go from your stance as a teacher, or are you worried that you might lose her on a more personal level?" Genma clarified and Kakashi looked at his beer.

"Iruka hinted at the same. Truth to be told, I don't know. I kept everyone at a distance, it's hard to put my finger on it, if you know what I mean," Kakashi silently said.

"If it wouldn't be Sakura, I'd probably phrase it differently, but on which level does it hurt when she isn't there or mad at you?" the older man asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Damn, you never allowed yourself to feel beyond friendship, did you?" Genma shook his head. "Look, let me tell you a bit about Kari and me. We complement one another, we can work together flawlessly and it doesn't bother us when we sit next to each other for hours without talking. It's a deep feeling of trust and belonging. We're past the butterfly-stage of our relationship, if we ever had one." He smirked at that. "But there are things that make me uneasy. I know she's handling tougher stuff on missions than I do, and normally I'm fine with it, but sometimes it makes me physically ill when she's out and I have a look at the details beforehand. When I see Ebisu watching her, I get an incredible itch in my fist, even though I know that she won't look at anyone the same way she looks at me. Is it the same with you and Sakura?"

"I'm not sure."

"How did you feel when you saw that crystal?" Genma asked and put the beer aside. This wasn't a matter to drink on.

"Cold," Kakashi said and stared at the wall opposite him, whilst he recalled what he had felt that day. "Betrayed, angry, it's difficult to describe."

"That's a start," Genma said. "But that honestly sounds like jealousy, if you feared she might discard you or hook up with the Kazekage's brother, then I'd say it's more than teacher-concern."

"Mhm."

"Other signs are if her… physical aspects draw your attention. Or the way she laughs, how she smells, the way she moves… when you feel better just because she's near."

"That almost makes it sound like possessing a sickness." Kakashi muttered and Genma snorted.

"Maybe it is, at least to a point," he allowed and the silver head sighed.

"Maybe I am jealous. But this time I think I really screwed up."

"I won't argue that," Genma smirked, but got serious right afterwards. "I don't know Sakura as well as you do, but I think she's a down-to-earth kind of woman, she won't be wooed by 'shiny'."

He air-quoted and Kakashi nodded.

"What do you do when you screw up with Hikari?" he asked and Genma snickered.

"That's assuming I do," he replied smugly. "Joking aside, what works best with Kari is as easy as it is effective: an honest to god apology. I'm not showering her with flowers, or invite her out, or crawl after her on my knees, I simply tell her that I'm sorry, even if it's hard sometimes."

"No flowers or jewellery for her?" Kakashi asked surprised and his friend laughed out.

"Have you ever seen Kari wearing a necklace? Earrings? She likes… different gifts, if you know what I mean. Whenever I feel like it, I buy her flowers. On occasion we go out for dinner or lunch. I tell her that I love her, whenever I feel she needs to hear it. If you don't show her that you appreciate her in everyday life, it's… I don't know… like a show, if you do it only on special days, like her birthday or valentine's day, you know what I'm getting at?"

"I think I do." the Kakashi said.

"Ever thanked Sakura for saving your sorry ass? When she exhausted herself to almost collapsing only to not hand you over to one of her colleagues?" Genma asked and his friend nodded.

"Of course I did. I keep telling her that she shouldn't overdo it on my behalf, but she just glares at me and brushes me off," he answered.

"Well, I'd say that's a good start," his friend muttered. "The question is do you want to develop a more… private relationship, or keep it platonic. If you choose the first one, you better be ready to tell her what a fool you have been and honestly tell her what you feel, or you go for the latter and apologize and allow her to find someone else and be happy. You need balls for both options."

"I don't even know if she feels something above the obligation to keep me alive."

"You're a pathetic mess of confused feelings, you know that?" Genma sighed. "You're giving me a headache. Fact is, Sakura has no problem handing-off any of us to her colleagues, except you. As soon as others are healed, she leaves them under nurse surveillance, except you. Others get appointments in the hospital during her shift; you – and Iruka – are the only exceptions to that. No one has as many liberties with her as you do. If that doesn't show you that you're special, I don't know what will."

Kakashi remained silent.

"Man, just wait until she returns and then talk with her. You'll have to play with your cards showing, and you should be aware that you might get the brush-off." Genma pointed out.

"I know," Kakashi sighed. "Thanks for helping me anyhow."


	14. Chapter 14

Here we go with the next chapter.  
>Sorry, but I got caught up in playing Diablo 3, and since Reaper of Souls is out, my crusader had my undivided attention.<p>

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><p>Sakura just finished breakfast when there was a knock at her door. She smirked as she got up and went to answer it. Kankuro. Again.<p>

"Good morning." he greeted her with a smile. "How long do you need to get ready?"

"How about 'any plans for today' first?" she asked back and he laughed.

"Sorry Sakura, but reading a book doesn't qualify as a 'plan'. I… have something that might interest you, but you need to be there in twenty minutes," he said and she frowned.  
>"C'mon, I didn't disappoint you yesterday, did I?"<p>

"No," Sakura said slowly. "Ok. Give me a few minutes. Want to come in?"

"Yeah, I'll wait in the living room."

Kankuro entered and walked past Sakura while she went to get ready. Five minutes later they were on their way, and though Sakura had asked where he was taking her, Kankuro remained silent. After a few turns he stopped in front of a bakery with confectionary. He knocked against the door and an elderly woman opened it.

"Ah, Kankuro!" she smiled. "And this is your friend, yes?"

"She's the one I told you about, yes," he said and winked at Sakura. "She's interested in making chocolates."

"Oh, that's good! Most youngsters like you only eat them, but know nothing about them. So, young lady, what is your name?"

"Haruno Sakura," Sakura introduced herself, still a little dumbfounded.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. My name is Kana, come on in, dear. Let's get started."

She stepped aside so they could enter, but Kankuro remained where he was.

"Aren't you coming too?" the pinkette asked.

"No. I have to go on a mission," he replied. "Enjoy your day."

He smirked smugly, before he inclined his head and then turned around and left. Sakura blinked several times, before it actually dawned on her that he had arranged all of this for her. She smiled before following Kana inside.

.

.

.

Sakura enjoyed her Sunday with Kana, and she had learned a lot. She was still surprised that Kankuro had paid so much attention to what she had said, since she wasn't used to it. And he had reacted very fast, given the fact that she had told him mere hours prior to her… appointment. She felt better, a lot better, if she was to be honest. The stress at home was forgotten and she could focus on the teaching.

The medics caught on fast, so she could go through the identifying jutsu faster than she anticipated and start with the easiest toxins. Satisfied with the first results she dismissed them for the weekend. Kankuro was still on a mission, as she found out later that day, so she had the weekend to herself.

Sakura decided to watch his friends go dune surfing on Saturday. On Sunday she went to Kana's again and made her first pralines without help. She enjoyed her time and was sure she'd put her new knowledge to good use as soon as she was back home.

It surprised her to see that half of her time was already up. She liked it here, the inhabitants of Suna were hearty people, but she missed her friends. And even if she didn't want to admit it at first, she missed her nursing case; she missed Kakashi.

.

.

.

Kakashi sighed. The conversation he had had with Genma kept echoing in his mind. He had to think about many things, most of all how he felt about Sakura. He felt a certain need to be around her, but he couldn't put a finger on why exactly. The concept of love was something he didn't dare to explore, not after all the losses he had suffered in his life until now. But the thought alone that Sakura would leave and he wouldn't be able to see her again was nauseating. He heaved a sigh and leant back against the bench he was currently sitting on. Since he was still banned from training he had an awful lot of time to think.

If he thought about how Genma described his feelings for Hikari, he felt similar for Sakura. They weren't a couple that walked around holding hands or kissing. They kept it professional in public, the occasional peck or tender words aside, but that they cared for each other was obvious. Iruka and Genma both pointed it out how overprotective Sakura was when he was concerned, and as he thought about it, he felt even more like a fool. Kakashi knew he had to apologize as soon as she was back. Right now he couldn't care less what her friends would say, since it was all depending on her reaction.

He closed his eyes and groaned inwardly. Genma had been right, and if he ever told him, he'd never hear the end of it.

"I see the wheels in your head have finally started turning."

Kakashi cracked his eye open and snorted. "Can't you go pester someone else?"

"Why should I?"

"Hikari…" Kakashi nearly groaned, but she ignored him and sat down.

"So, Genma finally set you down the right path?" she asked and Kakashi nodded.

"Did he send you along to check in on me?" Kakashi asked and she shook her head.

"No. I just wanted to let you know that Tsunade sent Genma to Suna." Kakashi froze. "Anyway, just thought you'd like to know." She leant back, a satisfied smile on her lips.

"How long will he be staying?" Kakashi asked, trying to sound indifferent.

"He said something about ten days, give or take a few. How long are you banned?"

"At least three more weeks," he replied, glad for Hikari's change in topic.

"Huh, I never thought you'd get sloppy. Getting rusty in your old age?" Hikari teased and Kakashi snorted.

"Are you seriously telling me I'm getting old? If I recall correctly you're just three months younger than I am." Hikari just hummed in response.

"You're still with 'em, I heard," Kakashi said and she hummed again. "Brave to still participate in the rat race, as a senior citizen…"

"At least I don't get my ass handed to me on a silver platter, silver head," she shot back without looking at him. "I always thought you were fast enough to evade getting seriously injured."

"I am fast," he muttered defensively.

"Yeah, that's what you say." Hikari chuckled. "If you were _**really**_ fast, you wouldn't have to suffer from that healing boycott now, would you?"

He groaned almost inaudible and she turned to look at him. Kakashi knew that look too well; back in their ANBU days she wore it often.

"Listen up, silver head, and save your smart mouthed comments for someone who wants to hear them. There's a difference if you're fighting at the top of your capabilities or if you're on your last legs. You were a team leader, you coordinated your team; you always had all possible outcomes in mind when plotting your moves. When did you decide to turn a blind eye? Just because you're going solo doesn't mean you can waste resources, such as yourself," she said and looked at him intently.  
>Kakashi shrugged and then sighed. "I don't know," he finally admitted.<p>

"Maybe you should think about that for a change."

"This; coming from you?" Kakashi said amused.

"Yes, I see the irony." Hikari muttered and then sighed. "Listen, Kakashi, I can relate to your situation. I know that it is hard to sort out the mess you call a life, but it's worth the effort."

"When did you start? You're still a callous witch sometimes, but most of the time it looks like you're actually… nice," he said surprised, causing her to snicker.

"Well, Genma is a sneaky bastard. It was impossible to brush him off, and to be honest, I'm glad he was persistent. It's nice to come home to someone who cares." Hikari replied.

"There's always Gai." Kakashi pointed out and she started to laugh.

"I say! I could tell you the same. Tell you what; I put the emphasis on care. Love is just a nice addition. Think about it. See you around." With that she stood up and left, leaving a surprised Hatake behind.

To see that a hard ass and loner like Hikari had developed a social side and hadn't lost her edge or reputation was surprising. If he was honest with himself he was constantly missing something. Coming home to an empty apartment wasn't something he was looking forward to. The Friday evenings they spent together with Iruka at Naruto's and Hinata's were times he enjoyed, and missed. Kakashi cursed himself for the umpteenth time; he knew he'd screwed up royally. He wasn't sure if apologizing would suffice, he didn't even know if Sakura would come back home, and the suspense was killing him.

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.

.

"Say, how was it?" Kankuro asked, as he and Sakura were walking towards the pub.

"Great!" she smiled brightly. "It was very interesting and I had a lot of fun. Thank you for arranging it for me."

"You're welcome," he chuckled. "But that was no big deal. Besides, you needed something fun to do."

"Yeah…" she drawled. "And you think I'll buy that one, do you?"

"It was worth a try," Kankuro smirked and then winked at her. "I can't always be around to entertain you, can I?"

"Uh-huh,"

"Hey, you'll be on your way home in less than ten days, and it's something you can do there as well."

"Aw… it's almost too nice to hear that you care so much," she drawled again and his smirk broadened.

"How can I not?" he asked sweetly. "You're such a lovely and caring person."

"Add "cute" and you'll need an extended hospital stay," Sakura threatened and Kankuro started to laugh.

"I wouldn't dare!"

They reached the pub and he held the door open for her. "So, are you going to miss us?" he asked, as they sat down and ordered a beer.

"You mean, miss you?" she asked back and he shrugged.  
>"I know that I have a lovable personality, but hey, I'm not narcissistic." Kankuro grinned and Sakura snorted.<p>

"Yeah, right," she drawled.

"So?" he prodded on.

"A bit, maybe," Sakura allowed. "The dune surfing was fun like hell."

"Yeah, we're going to do that the next two Saturdays again, you need to have a reminder of our good time." Kankuro winked at her and Sakura smirked.

"Right. When I land face first in the sand, that'll be a hell of a reminder." They both laughed and clinked bottles.

"I heard our medics are doing fine?" Kankuro asked and Sakura leant back.

"Indeed, all up to speed. Now I have to work on my staff at home, but if they are able to save just one life more it was worth all the effort."

For a while they sat in silence. The bar was unusually crowded, and after a while Sakura perked up, since she thought she'd heard a familiar voice. She scanned the room and found Genma deep in conversation with a Shinobi she didn't know. What the hell was he doing here?

"Sakura, you alright?" Kankuro asked as he noticed her diverted attention.

"Yeah, I'm just… surprised, that's all," she replied and focused back on him. "Sorry."

"No need to apologize. What's the matter?"

"Just saw a colleague, nothing big. So, how was your mission?"

Kankuro eyed her warily for a short moment, but then gave her a roundup of what he'd done.  
>Sakura listened and realized, he approached missions and fights in a wholly different way than she would. It was nice to listen to him, and after about half an hour she had forgotten that Genma was even there.<p>

"You know what they say about people who have a big mouth?" Sakura asked with a smirk after Kankuro had finished his story.

"No, but I know what they say about men with big noses," he replied dryly and she almost choked on her beer, which made him grin and wiggle his eyebrows. "But I'm sure you know that already. So, enlighten me please."

"Well," Sakura said and cleared her throat. "You can have a big mouth if you have the balls to back it up."

A smug smirk made its way onto Kankuro's lips. "Wanna find out if I do?"

"Maybe," Sakura replied smugly and emptied her beer. "If you're not afraid that I might assert that you're all talk."

"That almost sounded like a dare to me," he retorted and she snickered.

"You don't say," Sakura drawled and then waved the waiter over to pay their tab.

"Don't play with fire unless you want to get burned." Kankuro said, while he stood up and Sakura smirked.

"Yeah, yeah. All hats and no cattle." she said and waved him aside.

Kankuro stood there and watched her leaving, not sure if she was just toying with him or being serious. A few Shinobi left the bar before he finally decided to follow.

Sakura enjoyed the brisk night air. No matter how hot it was in Suna during the day, nights were always chilly. She heard the babbling of people behind her on the street, but paid them no heed.

"What a way to get me moving." Kankuro said as he approached from behind.

"I was trying to get a raise out of you. And apparently, it worked."

"Well, you did question my balls." he pointed out, and Sakura pursed her lips.

"I did."

"You wanted to find out."

Before Sakura could say anything more, he had her pinned up against the nearest wall, his hands in her hair and his mouth on hers. First Sakura was too stunned to process what was happening, but recovered quickly. With a silent sigh she allowed the kiss to deepen and fisted her hands in his hair. It felt good to kiss like that, and for that moment nothing else mattered. Konoha and her friends were far away, it didn't matter that they were out on the street for all to see… right at that moment it felt great. His hands travelled south and took a firm grip on her hindquarters and pulled her flush against him. Just as her primal side was starting to kick in, Sakura's inner voice let loose a rally cry. The only word that was screamed inside her head was 'Kakashi', and that effectively shut down anything else.

She broke the kiss, though she tried to not make it abrupt and leant back against the wall. "Well… I'll never doubt your balls again," she said and he smirked smugly.

"Happy I made my point." Kankuro chuckled.

"Effectively." Sakura replied with a smirk. "Now, I need to sleep. I still have three days of torturing your medics ahead of me."

"Yeah, of course. Well, good night. See you on Saturday."

.

.

.

Genma tried his best to not stick out, and so far he thought he succeeded. Somehow he knew that Sakura saw him, but he was glad that she didn't approach him. Heck, he had a right to go out and drink, didn't he?

The flirting between Sakura and Kankuro didn't go unnoticed though. Even a blind man would've seen that something was going on. As he saw her leaving, he decided to call it a day and go to bed; he was to leave tomorrow morning anyway. Out on the street he bid his booze buddies farewell and turned to his housing. But he didn't get very far. He saw Sakura pinned against the wall by the Kazekage's brother, obviously sharing a very heated kiss.

"Oh fuck," he muttered to himself. 'Well Hatake, you asked for it.' With a sigh, he was on his way again. When Kakashi found out he was here – it wasn't a question of if – he'd surely ask whether he had seen Sakura or not. And he didn't want to lie to him, not that he could, even if he wanted to. 'Shit, shit, shit, fuck,' he thought. 'This time, you really screwed up.'


	15. Chapter 15

Next chapter up! Sorry that it took this long, but my beta had been busy. A little heads-up, this chapter is rather short, but it had to be like that. Please enjoy!

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><p>Even if Sakura wouldn't admit it, the kiss had held something. Kankuro was a nice guy, but she couldn't pursue anything with him. She wasn't someone to have the occasional fling, unlike some of her friends, she needed to go home and she needed to set things straight with Kakashi.<br>Damn, there he was again!   
><span>Groaning she dropped down on her bed and rubbed her temples. Almost seven weeks and she hadn't wasted one thought on him. Then she remembered that Genma was here and with a wicked grin she went to bed.

Bright and early the next morning she got up, bought breakfast and after asking one of the Jonin he had been drinking with yesterday, she learned where he was housed.

Groaning Genma got up; he could still party like a rock star, but apparently not recover like one. The insistent knocking against his door made that point all too clear. "Coming!" he called out and hastily slipped on his pants, before he answered the door. "What in heaven's name… Pinkie?"

"Good morning to you too, Genma," Sakura beamed at him and he frowned.  
>"I'm in trouble, right?" he asked and stepped aside so she could enter.<p>

"Why? Should you be? It's not like you're here to spy on me, right?" she asked back and he sighed.

"No, that wasn't the main objective of my mission," he admitted silently.  
>"Ah, so Tsunade just had to have someone check-up on me. Fitting," Sakura said and he hummed. "I brought you breakfast." She held up the coffee and a bag she was carrying.<p>

"Oh, that's nice…" he slowly said and she chuckled.

"Aspirin is inside the bag. Now get moving."

He couldn't help but chuckle at her behavior. "Yes, ma'am," Genma replied and closed the door behind her, before they went into the small sleep and living room.

"Why are you here?"

"I… I'm curious," Sakura allowed and handed him the bag.

"I say," Genma muttered and inspected the contents of the bag.

"So, enlighten me," she said and sat down on the small couch, while Genma chose the bed.  
>"About? That he stewed enough? That Iruka and Tsunade both decided to set him straight?"<p>

"Fascinating how you could deduce I was asking about Kakashi," Sakura muttered and Genma chuckled.  
>"Well, you wouldn't have left if Iruka wasn't healthy, and I've been your fill-in, so I'd say it was a smart guess." he shrugged, as he reached for the aspirin and a bottle of water.<p>

"Smartass," she said and leant back with a sigh.

"Thanks, Hikari often says the same."

Sakura let him eat and watched him, though her mind was somewhere else.

"I talked to him, you know," Genma said between bites.

"Pardon?"

"I talked to Kakashi. He looked like crap, I couldn't help myself," he said and she snorted.

"The way he behaved, I'd say he deserved it."

"I won't argue you there," Genma muttered and took another bite.  
>"I mean, seriously, he acted like a diva."<br>"Amen," he chuckled, and polished off the last bite. "But he's been the incarnation of misery the last weeks. His status is clear, by the way. Tsunade briefed me, just in case we bump into each other."

"Noted," Sakura replied, and had to admit it was good to hear that he was well again.

"His biggest fear is that you might stay here," Genma said and looked at her.  
>"As if that would happen," Sakura snorted. "I'll be cutting this short. Next Thursday I'll be off and on my way back home."<br>"Good to know."

"Say, Genma…would you do me a favor?" she asked and he perked up.

"That depends…"

"Just… would you rile him up a little more? Maybe that'll make him a little more… receptive, for the pending talk." she clarified and he grinned.

"Sure, there's nothing I'd rather do." Genma smirked.

"Thanks. I'll put you on my tab once I'm back." Sakura smiled.

"You don't have to. Seeing that he learned his lesson would be enough. That would mean our conversation had had an effect," Genma said and stood up."He's my friend, stubborn as a mule, but my friend no less. It'd be good to see him happy again, all the sulking the last few months…"

"I know what you mean," she muttered and stood up as well. "I'm not going to keep you longer. Tell Tsunade I'm fine and I need to talk to her about advanced training for our medics. Temari will be accompanying me to the border; I can make it home from there alone."

"Alright, keep your chin up, see you around."

With that Sakura left, she had to hurry so she wouldn't be late. To hear that Kakashi obviously had thought about what she said and how he acted was nice. But in due time she would have the chance to see for herself.

It was a little strange at first to see Kankuro the next Saturday, but he acted as if nothing happened, and Sakura was glad for it.

"You seem to be a bit distracted today," he said, while he was fixing the kite.

"Hmm… slightly," she admitted.

"What's up? Is it little old me?" Kankuro asked amused.

"Naw. Why would you be a distraction?" Sakura asked back.

"I can be, if I have to."

"No need to, thank you. I'm thinking about home, in fact. There's a lot of work to do when I get there," Sakura explained.

"When will you leave?" he asked and she frowned.

"I thought about leaving this oncoming Thursday."

"So soon? Damn, I hoped you'd stay a little longer," Kankuro said and helped her fix the belts.

"Ah, Kankuro, while your charm almost wooed me, I cannot stay." Sakura chuckled and he mock glared at her.

"Almost? Would it have helped if I brought heavy ordnance?" he asked again and she laughed out.

"I'm afraid it wouldn't. But I'm sure you knew that already, didn't you?" she asked back, sounding sober.

"Yeah, I think I knew," Kankuro replied just as sober. "No less, it had been a good time."

"Hell yeah it was," Sakura smirked. "You definitely know how to leave an impression."

"And I didn't have to almost die this time," he winked and she rolled her eyes.

"At least now your medics could deal with that," she said and he nodded.

"Indeed. Thank you for that."

"Gaara already said the same. We're allies, we're friends. It was the least I could do. Now, let's get started."

.

.

.

After those weeks it was strange for her to pack her bags and leave again. Everyone had been so nice and courteous; it was easy to feel at home. No less she itched to get back. Temari felt her jumpiness and couldn't help but smile.

"Are you that anxious to get home?" the blond Kunoichi asked, and Sakura laughed out loud.

"What can I say? It has been a while, and I really miss home. Besides, I have a little unfinished business there."

"Ah, I see...," Temari drawled and Sakura blushed.

"It's not what you think," she said defensively, but the other woman's grin just broadened at this statement.  
>"Oh, I'm pretty sure it is <strong>exactly<strong> what I think. I only hope you can handle your... situation."

"I think I can. I worked out an advantage, and I intend to exploit it," Sakura winked.

"Sounds like Kankuro rubbed off on you," the blonde chuckled.

"No, but he helped me to see clearer, if that makes any sense to you," Sakura explained.

"I think I know what you're driving at," Temari said. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's move already."

.

.

.

A few days prior:

"Back already?" Kakashi asked, as he sat at his usual table at Asakura's and Genma sat down vis-à-vis.

"Missed me?" he asked back with a smirk.

"Like the plague," the Copy Nin replied dryly.

"Well, Sakura had been nicer, you know," Genma said casually. "Even brought me hangover breakfast the other day."

"Hm," Kakashi hummed, though Genma could see that he had piqued his interest.

"Yeah, saw her together with the Kazekage's brother. Glad she decided to not see me at that moment; I didn't want to interrupt the... atmosphere." Genma ordered a beer and leant back in his chair. "I have to admit, I can't remember when last I'd seen her that relaxed."

"She needed a little break," Kakashi muttered and Genma nodded.

"Indeed. Damn, I need to get home, Hikari won't be very happy otherwise." Genma said and downed half his pint in one go.

"Why did you come in the first place?" the silver head asked and his friend snorted.  
>"You were a mess when I left. I needed to make sure you were alright," Genma replied with an offended voice.<p>

"As you can see I'm the picture of health," Kakashi stated, though Genma was sure he detected a hint of sarcasm.

"Just like Pinkie," Genma said and emptied his glass, before he put a bill down on the table. "She seemed to like the way that Kankuro kissed her. To me it seemed as if he was examining her tonsils with his tongue, but she sure didn't protest. Anyway, have a nice evening."

With that he patted his friend on the shoulder, got up and left. Hikari was leaning against the wall around the corner, a smirk on her lips.

"You're a mean man, you know," she stated and he winked at her as they left the building.  
>"What can I say? Sakura told me to ruffle his feathers," Genma shrugged and Hikari frowned.<p>

"She told you to tell him stories?" she asked incredulous.

"No. They actually kissed, I might have skipped the part where she stopped him and went home," Genma clarified and his better half sighed and shook her head.

"Crude methods," she muttered and Genma hummed.

"But effective. I almost feel sorry for him."

"They're grown adults; they should be able to work it out. If not, we can still lock them in a room together," she smirked and he chuckled.

"Who's the mean one now, huh?"

"Shush you," Hikari winked and he shook his head, grinning.

.

.

.

As Genma left, Kakashi put his beer aside. Somehow it didn't taste right anymore. He felt nervous, close to a cold sweat, a feeling he wasn't used to. What was that? Fear? God, he was a mess. And a self-inflicted one at that. He could ignore insults that were hurled at him, but he couldn't swallow his damn pride when it came to Sakura? How pathetic. Pakkun had been right.

Exhaling a shaky breath he paid and then left, he needed fresh air. Her eight weeks were almost over, just a few more days and she should be returning. Tsunade would've informed him, should she have decided to stay in Suna, right?

Snarling under his breath he buried his hands deep in his pockets and turned towards home. He needed to talk to her, and he needed to tell her what a fool he had been. But that would require that she'd be willing to talk to him. He would have to hope for that.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I have to apologize for the delay, but life was very busy. Hopefully you can enjoy this chapter - I had a lot of laughs while writing it - and stay tuned for the rest of the story. I will finish it, I promise!

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><p>Sakura was glad to be at home again. The work with the medics in Suna had shown her, that she needed to work with her own subordinates as well. She made a mental note to talk with Tsunade about her plan, but she was sure her former mentor wouldn't object. As she unlocked the door to her apartment, she saw the mail neatly stacked on the side table in the corridor.<br>She took the envelopes and went into the living room, where she dropped them on the couch table. Afterwards she went into the bathroom to empty her backpack and start the washing machine. She knew her fridge was empty, so she decided to visit Ichiraku's, just the taste of home she needed. A small note on the kitchen counter told her, that Naruto had been taking care of her plants just as she had asked him to do. Sakura made yet another mental note to thank him soon.

On her way to Ichiraku she met Iruka. "Hello, Iruka-sensei! How are you feeling?" she greeted and he smiled brightly before he responded.

"Hello Sakura! God, has it been two months already? I'm feeling great, no tremors or pain anymore."

"That's good to hear, you really had me worried," Sakura said relieved.

"Me too. I know it was a close call," Iruka muttered and she nodded.

"Yes. But apparently Naruto and Kakashi aren't the only ones who stubbornly cling to life," she winked at him and he laughed out.

"Indeed. Where are you headed? I hope I'm not delaying you?" he asked and she shook her head.

"You aren't. I'm on my way to Ichiraku; fridge is empty."

"Just where I was going. Mind if I join?" Iruka asked and she smiled at him.

"I never reject great company."

While they continued their way, they were talking about her time in Suna.

"How did it go?" he asked, after he placed his order.

"Smoothly. All of them were very interested and focused. They picked up quickly, that's why I decided to leave sooner. I dare say the program was a complete success, though now I'll have to work with my medic's here." she answered and he smiled at her.

"You've become a great medic, and your enthusiasm is intoxicating." he chuckled at his choice of words. "I'm sure you'll have them up to speed in no time."

"Thank you," Sakura said. "With colleagues like Mitate and Shizune I don't have to worry about that. Suna now has at least two medics in each shift at the hospital, who are specially trained to detect even the faintest traces of toxins; we'll have to work on that as well."

"You managed to develop some basic medical jutsu almost everyone can learn; you already halved the casualties on the field. I'm sure you'll be able to handle that as well," Iruka said and she chuckled.

"You're always so very confident, Iruka-sensei."

"My confidences in you always supported your confidence in yourself; and look where all of you stand right now."

Sakura had to admit that he was right. Iruka never told one of them that they'd fail; he always believed in them. And look where that brought Naruto!

"How have things been here?" Sakura asked and took a sip of her tea.

"Calm," Iruka replied. "Especially with my class. It's amazing what you managed to teach them."

"Tsunade made sure you had the best substitutes," she winked and he gently shook his head.

"I should have known… but really, they had the best class test results since your class. Well, still no one has managed to come close to your results, but then again, your class was the only one with three very bright minds," he said and took a pair of chopsticks. "You and Shino always had good grades, and if Shikamaru would've been awake more often, he'd had the same."

She laughed at that and reached for a pair of chopsticks herself. "Yes, he is indeed easily bored."

They ate in silence, and Sakura was happy to be back home again. Sure, Suna had been fun, but nothing was topping Konoha. Or the company she had here.

"How is my nursing case doing?" she asked, after both of them were done eating.

"Nice choice of words," Iruka chuckled. "He still looks miserable, though I think he's upset with himself. I… had a little conversation with him and he seemed to already know how far he overshot the mark."

"I know that he has… issues. With everything I've heard about him from Tsunade and you, sometimes Genma… I could even understand his rage. God, if I'd have been in his shoes I'd probably feel the same! But this stubbornness is something that doesn't suit him. He has always been distant, yes, but never stubborn. That was always our part." Sakura said and Iruka smiled at her.

"Just talk with him, things will sort out quickly, I'm sure of that."

"They have to. I'm not going to put up with such childish behaviour anymore. Tsunade's reason for the boycott was sound, but next time I'll heal him anyway and just give him chakra blockers. That should have the same effect. Or I'll ask Hinata to deactivate some Tenketsu. I only wish I'd thought of this approach to the problem sooner."

"Knowing Kakashi I'm fairly sure he would've found a way to activate the Tenketsu again," Iruka chuckled and Sakura couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes, you are probably right."

Iruka paid for their meals – he insisted on it – and after sharing a good distance of their way home, they parted ways. Back in her apartment Sakura started to go through her mail, checking for bills or other important messages. She was just halfway through the letters, as someone knocked at her door. Sakura checked the clock and frowned, it was already late, and not even Ino would dare to disturb her at such a time. She had the feeling she knew who was on the other side of the door, but decided to open anyway. She wasn't disappointed.

"Hey," Kakashi greeted meekly.

"Hey yourself." Sakura replied and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You came here to talk?"

"Yes."

She looked scrutinizing at him and after letting him stew for a moment she stepped aside, nodding her head inwards, telling him to move. He curtly nodded his head and entered. After slipping out of his shoes he went into the living room. Sakura remained at the door and after silently sighing she followed him. She knew this conversation was pending even before she went to Suna, but Sakura couldn't say she was looking forward to it.

Kakashi had sat down on the couch, not lounging like usual, but a little stiff. Maybe Iruka was right after all.

"So?" Sakura said and sat down on her arm chair.

"What?" he asked back.

"You wanted to talk, so talk."

He nodded, but apparently more to himself, as he didn't say anything. Sakura sighed and leant back, looking at her nails intently.

"If you don't know where to start, I'd suggest the point where you acted like an ass would be the right one." she said scathingly.

"Who acted like an ass?" he asked and then lifted his hands. "Oh, I forgot. The great medic just acted on behalf of the greater good."

"Save your sarcasm," Sakura hissed back. "If you wouldn't have acted like a headless jackass, nothing like this would have been necessary!"

"Headless Jackass?!" Kakashi all but barked at her. "I was doing my god damned job!"

"Your job never included getting yourself killed!" Sakura shouted back, neighbours and time be damned.

"What?!" Kakashi snapped, suddenly freezing. "What was that?"

"You almost got yourself killed!" Sakura shook with barely suppressed anger.

"I did not." he replied, calm but with a stubborn edge to his voice.

"Do you need me to show you?" she asked and stood up.

Sakura went over to the bookshelf and took a cardboard box from the highest shelf, retrieving a copy of his medical record.

"You keep a copy?" Kakashi asked, but she ignored him, instead she tossed the file onto the couch table and flipped it open.

"Here, look at it!" she jabbed her finger at the paper. "Take a long close look at it! For fourteen months the injuries you sustained after missions has increased. That's not some one-time only occurrence, but a steady trend! You almost died under my hands! Twice within the last quarter! We had to do something!"

He blinked and looked at her with a light frown.

"Don't look at me like that! Do you really think I agreed to this scheme without a deeper meaning to it? You think so low of me?" Sakura asked offended and he shrugged. Without a sign of warning she gave him a rap on the head.

"Idiot."

"Hey," he complained and rubbed over the spot she just hit.

"Suck it up, you big baby. We had to intervene. You might not see it like that, but we care for you. A lot. You are part of our family; I thought you'd know that by now. Naruto keeps telling you frequently, but apparently your bullhead takes a while to accept the obvious." Sakura said and dropped onto her armchair again.

"It sure looked like it." Kakashi said sarcastically and frowned, as he looked at the list of injuries he had had during the last fourteen months. It was more than he'd thought.

"Seriously, Kakashi…your wounded pride clouded your judgment." Sakura shook her head.

"What was I supposed to think?" he asked and closed the file; he didn't need a reminder of what happened to him.

"You could've asked, simple as that. You never struck me as a stubborn old mule, but that view changed, thanks to your behaviour. Do you think I felt good with leaving you in obvious pain?"

The look she cast him was challenging, but this time he decided against picking this fight.

"No," he finally admitted silently. "I know I was insufferable, and I have to apologize. I was irrationally angry."

"Why?" Sakura asked and then it hit her. "Wait…because of that?"

She touched the chakra crystal and saw him flinch.

"That might be part of it." Kakashi admitted begrudgingly.

"God, Kakashi…," Sakura shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You really thought I'd be bought, or worse – wooed – by something like that?"

"The thought might have crossed my mind." he allowed and she shook her head.

"I wanted to give it back to Kankuro, you know," she stated, and hid the crystal behind her shirt again. "But he wanted me to keep it. For all I did for him, Gaara and Suna in general. Everything that gives me an edge is appreciated."

"You earned it, I never doubted that," Kakashi said and leant back in the couch. "It's just…maybe it was just bad timing."

"Kakashi, you got something to say, spit it out. It's late, I'm tired and I was more than just angry at you. It's thanks to Iruka that I allowed you in at all."

"I know. I did a lot of thinking myself, thanks to several people." he muttered.

"I can guess of three people." Sakura replied and he snorted.

"Four, but that's nothing I want to talk about." Kakashi said with finitely and she frowned. Four?

"Get to any useful conclusion?" she asked, her voice suddenly sounding tired, almost old.

"Some," he replied evasively. "The one that concerns you right now is that I realized I dealt ill with you."

"That's something," Sakura muttered and he shortly frowned.

"What did you expect me to do? Crawl on my knees and beg for forgiveness?" Kakashi snapped and Sakura pursed her lips.

"I think your manly pride and ego would have prevented that from happening." Sakura replied dryly. "What I would've more than just welcomed would be a switch back to how you used to behave until sometime last year. You were a reliable centre, an anchor, if you will. You were always reasonable, daring but cautious; smart and cunning with your plans, and more than just precise and swift when you carried them out. You're no old fart; you were never sluggish in your movements, or reckless in fights. I have no explanation for your change, but I certainly don't approve of it."

Kakashi sat there, staring at her. To hear her narrating his character like that, even though she just admitted how angry she was – and probably still is – was indeed something. He did her injustice; he knew that for a while now. He should have talked to her about the crystal and the possible deeper meaning, instead of assuming. However the fact that Genma had told him that he caught Sakura and Kankuro kissing was eating away at him.

"Something more on your mind?" Sakura asked, gauging his thoughts from the look of his eye.

"I don't think that this would be a question appropriate to be asked." he muttered and she cocked a brow.

"Isn't that my place to decide?" she asked and he shook his head.

"No. It's really none of my business, we all know better than to believe the rumours some people tell." Kakashi held up his hand, trying his best to keep the nagging curiosity in check and to keep what was left of his dignity.

"In every lie there's a little truth." Sakura stated and saw him flinch. She saw this and smirked, now she knew where the land lied. "Oh, you mean _**that**_ rumour."

The way his visible eye fixed on her, was enough to tell her that she hit dead centre. Her smirk grew wider and a mean gleam shone in her eyes. Genma really did what she had asked him to do.

"There's a lot of truth in that one."

Kakashi took that as his queue to leave – or better to flee, if Sakura's small chuckle was something to go by – and stood up. It took Sakura exactly three seconds to rein herself in and with a serious expression she accompanied him to the door.

"So, am I forgiven?" Kakashi asked, as he slipped into his sandals.

"Maybe," Sakura replied and fought hard not to grin.

"So, how much truth to that rumour?" he asked as he stood in the doorway.

"Just enough to make it a fact," she stated, a little too amused.

Kakashi was about to say something more, as she flashed him a wide smile, said "Good night, Kakashi" and closed the door in his face. With a pleased smirk she went back into the living room, only to switch off the lights and go into the bathroom to finally take a shower and go to bed. It had been a long day, and to her surprise, the dreaded talk went better than she anticipated. The only thing she had to do now was give the wheels in his head a little more time, before she'd talk to him again.


End file.
